Gavin Chipper wrote:Martin Gardner wrote:I can't help notice nobody's mentioned Chris Wills yet. Perhaps I should shut up now.
Good point. But some people are camp, whereas some are annoyingly so. I think the prime quiz-show-related example of annoyingly so would be CJ from Eggheads, also on Countdown.
My Wife Olive likes to watch the T.V. show; In it to win it with Dale Winton. I understand that Dale was asked to cut down on the "camp" when he was offered the job. I like the way that he talks to the contestants and "acts" with his eyes and expressions.
On the other extreme, I was in the Drivers mess room at Victoria Station, (that was my depot) and we were being regaled by a Driver about his sexual exploits and how he treated women.
When the usually dormant nasty side of of my true self had reached a suitable boiling point, I said to him, "Why do you have to keep telling us about your sex life and how you treat women?" He replied, "because it proves that I am a real He-man".
I said, "But a real He-man doesn't have to prove anything, and the women that you have would have anybody.
Well; that was the last time that he bored us with his exploits.
Mind you, I also acquired a reputation as ruthless ladies man, and that none of my workmates wives were safe when I was on the prowl. My reputation was known at most of the Driver's Depots in Kent.
When I was Plumbing, I received a call from a Driver's Wife, asking me to stop a leak in the bathroom. Round I went, and rang the bell, and Dorothy opened the door. Now Dorothy is a very tall girl with very long legs, and she's wearing a VERY short satin nighty. I told Dorothy that I was sorry and I'll come back later. "No" she said ,"it's got to be done now".
I followed her into the bathroom, and the leak was under the sink. I'm stretched on the floor under the sink, Dorothy's toe is is almost sticking in my left ear, and I'm trying not to look up her legs. While I am mending the leak, Dorothy is telling me how horrible her husband is, How he beats her up and, "he doesn't know what his workmates are doing to her while he is at work"
I finished the leak and managed to stand up without climbing up Dorothy's legs, and said. "all done Dorothy, and I don't want any money because Norman's a mate. She insisted on me taking
£5 "to make him pay".
When I got home I told Olive everything, because Driver's Wives natter to each other. A couple of days later I'm walking towards the Driver's room at Victoria, and I was accosted by Ken Hilton, one of my workmates. He said "George; the boys can't believe it, we thought that you were a Quiet family man, but now we've heard that you're knocking off the Wives while the men are at work.
I said "where did you get that idea", and he said,"Norman's up in the room, and he telling everyone that there is a Driver knocking his Wife up, he won't say his name but he does Plumbing. I had to smile at that, because most of the Driver's in most of the Depots in Kent, knew that I was the only qualified Plumber, In fact, a lot of them would ask for my advice on how to do things, from simple jobs to complete central heating systems.
After that, where ever I made the tea, I received knowing smiles and "fancy old George being like that".
I'm ashamed to admit that I revelled in the notoriety. Norman and Dorothy moved up north and divorced. I'm not bothered if they read this (if they are still alive), I could have lost my Wife and marriage because that lie.
So; all you minority groups, what about me. At 13, in the war,I was in charge of 8 children in my Uncle's house. my instructions were to see the children into bed by 9 o.clock, while all my Uncles and Aunts and my parents went boozing.
At 9 I said "up to bed" and my cousin Nelly aged 11 said "if you make us go to bed, I'll tell my Dad you've been rude". I still made them go to bed, and when all the boozers came in, Nelly came downstairs and said "George's been rude". Everybody went silent and I heard my Aunt Rose say "we'd better not leave them on their own again". they believed Nelly.
Forward to when I'm 14, and because of my medical condition, the Teacher was able to imply that I was stupid, much to the merriment of the class
At 16 I was informed that I wasn't a "real man", by a drunken Bastard, my Dad.
And later on in life I aquired the reputation of shagging the wives of my mates while they are at work, and because I am so clever, I was able to achieve those reputations by doing absolutely nothing. Well; I'm happy to say that most of the people in my story are dead, including my Cousin Nelly.