Poetry Corner
Moderator: Jon O'Neill
Re: Poetry Corner
Countdown haiku
My favourite word is
nine letters long, a hard, tough
spelling: ANTIPO-
Bother!
Let me try again
812
Nice-looking figure,
8 divided by 2 is
4, 50 times one-
Blast!
A limerick! Ooh!
As soon as I get home from school,
Countdown's on- that literary duel,
Jeff Stelling's the new host,
about football he does boast,
It's a pity he supports Hartlepool...
My favourite word is
nine letters long, a hard, tough
spelling: ANTIPO-
Bother!
Let me try again
812
Nice-looking figure,
8 divided by 2 is
4, 50 times one-
Blast!
A limerick! Ooh!
As soon as I get home from school,
Countdown's on- that literary duel,
Jeff Stelling's the new host,
about football he does boast,
It's a pity he supports Hartlepool...
- Phil Reynolds
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Re: Poetry Corner
That mathematician named Riley
Has looks that some chaps think of highly
Her classic selection
Gave Reams an erection
While Corby just sat there, all smiley.
Has looks that some chaps think of highly
Her classic selection
Gave Reams an erection
While Corby just sat there, all smiley.
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Re: Poetry Corner
Love it.Phil Reynolds wrote:That mathematician named Riley
Has looks that some chaps think of highly
Her classic selection
Gave Reams an erection
While Corby just sat there, all smiley.
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Re: Poetry Corner
A certain producer named Eadie
Has eyes that are shifty and beady
And when Rachel talks
They pop out on stalks
Thank goodness the show's not in 3-D.
Has eyes that are shifty and beady
And when Rachel talks
They pop out on stalks
Thank goodness the show's not in 3-D.
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Re: Poetry Corner
I've selected an inverted T
With the target one hundred and three
Six plus five is eleven
And times by the seven...
Oh no, sorry, I've gone wrong.
With the target one hundred and three
Six plus five is eleven
And times by the seven...
Oh no, sorry, I've gone wrong.
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Re: Poetry Corner
There is actually going to be a limerick contest on the show sometime in March, so this could be a good place to practise your skills.
Re: Poetry Corner
Really? Superb! I have to make my limericks scan.
"Consonants? I think I'll take three",
Contestant said to Rachel Riley,
He hoped she picked well,
So a word he could spell-
Oh, don't look- they spell out STD!
Based on the epic game Weds 21st January.
"Consonants? I think I'll take three",
Contestant said to Rachel Riley,
He hoped she picked well,
So a word he could spell-
Oh, don't look- they spell out STD!
Based on the epic game Weds 21st January.
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Re: Poetry Corner
You all have Jon Corby to thank for coming up with that limerick!
I got praise for my original poem from Damian and Kate, and they liked it very much!
All of you fairly new people have great poems, too!
I got praise for my original poem from Damian and Kate, and they liked it very much!
All of you fairly new people have great poems, too!
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Re: Poetry Corner
Well, that kind of scans, so long as you pronounce consonants as con-SOH-nants, contestant as contest-ANT and Riley as Ri-LEE. Actually it sounds rather jaunty that way.Hannah O wrote:I have to make my limericks scan.
"Consonants? I think I'll take three",
Contestant said to Rachel Riley
(And yes, I know I was guilty of the same thing in my second effort above - most people wouldn't pronounce "3-D" to rhyme with "Eadie".)
Re: Poetry Corner
It's true, I did invent limericks.Jason Larsen wrote:You all have Jon Corby to thank for coming up with that limerick!
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Re: Poetry Corner
This reminds me of when in my prev job we were working on a campaign about the plight of the unborn calf when a cow is slaughtered and there's a live calf inside. (Not very cheery in this fun thread, I know.) I came up with the chant "Stop the blood bath, of the mother and calf" which rhymed when I said it in my Scottish accent, but didn't when my Southern workmates said it.Phil Reynolds wrote:Well, that kind of scans, so long as you pronounce consonants as con-SOH-nants, contestant as contest-ANT and Riley as Ri-LEE. Actually it sounds rather jaunty that way.
(And yes, I know I was guilty of the same thing in my second effort above - most people wouldn't pronounce "3-D" to rhyme with "Eadie".)
PS keep 'em coming Phil (and y'all). Fab stuff!
Re: Poetry Corner
Indeed, I did wince at the scansion when I was writing it, but it rhymes! As for rhyming with "Eadie", I watched that youtube clip with him in, so I know how to pronounce it now!
I do, however, need to go back and read Stephen Fry's The Ode Less Travelled so I can recall how to write limericks properly!
I do, however, need to go back and read Stephen Fry's The Ode Less Travelled so I can recall how to write limericks properly!
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Re: Poetry Corner
You're a funny guy, Mr. Corby!
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Re: Poetry Corner
Indeed - it's an excellent book. Some years ago, I spent a while trying to impress people on another board by writing all my posts in iambic pentameter, which is a lot easier to do than people think, though it wasn't until I read The Ode Less Travelled that I discovered why. Essentially, it's because so much of everyday English falls naturally into iambs anyway that you can make almost any sentence fit with minimal tweaking. Fry gives a whole load of examples of mundane phrases that can be laid out as couplets in iambic pentameter, such as:Hannah O wrote:I do, however, need to go back and read Stephen Fry's The Ode Less Travelled so I can recall how to write limericks properly!
There's no one here to take your call right now;
So, please speak clearly when you hear the tone.
Re: Poetry Corner
I've been and gone and done a stupid thing.
That's one! After reading his section on iambs, I found myself thinking in iambic pentameter! However, for poems that aren't limericks I prefer iambic tetrameter (is that the word?). Also, iambic...is it heptameter? (I can't remember it off the top of my head, but 7 basically) works for poetry, in my opinion!
That's one! After reading his section on iambs, I found myself thinking in iambic pentameter! However, for poems that aren't limericks I prefer iambic tetrameter (is that the word?). Also, iambic...is it heptameter? (I can't remember it off the top of my head, but 7 basically) works for poetry, in my opinion!
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Re: Poetry Corner
Hannah, do you really think you are a good writer?
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Re: Poetry Corner
What do you have against penwomen? Hannah is a young writer looking to improve her skills and she needs our feedback, not your vicious attacks and unnecessary insults.Jason Larsen wrote:Hannah, do you really think you are a good writer?
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Re: Poetry Corner
You're kidding, Charlie!
Re: Poetry Corner
Not enough appreciation for this onePhil Reynolds wrote:I've selected an inverted T
With the target one hundred and three
Six plus five is eleven
And times by the seven...
Oh no, sorry, I've gone wrong.
There are some good efforts in the xkcd limerick database. Many are deeply nerdy and some don't make sense without reference to the webcomic, but there's plenty to satisfy general interest.
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Re: Poetry Corner
Haha, that is really good - I had been ignoring this thread because poetry is for girls and gays, but my faith has been restored.Paul Howe wrote:Not enough appreciation for this onePhil Reynolds wrote:I've selected an inverted T
With the target one hundred and three
Six plus five is eleven
And times by the seven...
Oh no, sorry, I've gone wrong.
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Re: Poetry Corner
Charlie, I didn't mean to attack Hannah viciously and unnecessarily insult her!
Re: Poetry Corner
Michael: Ooh-er, where did you get that notion from?
Jason: It's alright- I was assuming you were asking if I thought I was good, not implying that I was a bad writer! If you were implying that, then I forgive you
Charlie: I've never been called a penwoman before However, I'll take it as a compliment!
Jason: It's alright- I was assuming you were asking if I thought I was good, not implying that I was a bad writer! If you were implying that, then I forgive you
Charlie: I've never been called a penwoman before However, I'll take it as a compliment!
This one is indeed a gem!Phil Reynolds wrote:I've selected an inverted T
With the target one hundred and three
Six plus five is eleven
And times by the seven...
Oh no, sorry, I've gone wrong.
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Re: Poetry Corner
Wow - thanks for that. Still ploughing my way through them, but I had to stop to post this which I hereby dedicate to Jon Corby in memory of the CoC XIII second semi-final.Paul Howe wrote:There are some good efforts in the xkcd limerick database.
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Re: Poetry Corner
They sound the same in my southern accent - but maybe not so in a northern accent Say Yorkshire v. Hertfordshire- which is mine and would be barth and carf.Lesley Jeavons wrote: I came up with the chant "Stop the blood bath, of the mother and calf" which rhymed when I said it in my Scottish accent, but didn't when my Southern workmates said it.
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Re: Poetry Corner
A couple of old favourites of mine which aren't in the top 150:
There was a young woman from Exeter
So lovely that men craned their necks at her;
And a few, who were brave,
Would take out and wave
The distinguishing marks of their sex at her.
While Titian was grinding rose madder
His model posed nude up a ladder.
Her position, to Titian,
Suggested coition;
So he dashed up the ladder and 'ad 'er.
There was a young woman from Exeter
So lovely that men craned their necks at her;
And a few, who were brave,
Would take out and wave
The distinguishing marks of their sex at her.
While Titian was grinding rose madder
His model posed nude up a ladder.
Her position, to Titian,
Suggested coition;
So he dashed up the ladder and 'ad 'er.
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Re: Poetry Corner
You're thinking of rimelicks.Jon Corby wrote:It's true, I did invent limericks.Jason Larsen wrote:You all have Jon Corby to thank for coming up with that limerick!
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Re: Poetry Corner
Argh nooooo you made me lose The Game! I hadn't thought about it in aaaages. Ah well back to square 1!Phil Reynolds wrote:Wow - thanks for that. Still ploughing my way through them, but I had to stop to post this which I hereby dedicate to Jon Corby in memory of the CoC XIII second semi-final.Paul Howe wrote:There are some good efforts in the xkcd limerick database.
Re: Poetry Corner
Me too, Dinos. Dammit. And when I lose the game, I keep on losing it every 20 minutes - you can set your watch by it.Dinos Sfyris wrote:Argh nooooo you made me lose The Game! I hadn't thought about it in aaaages. Ah well back to square 1!Phil Reynolds wrote:Wow - thanks for that. Still ploughing my way through them, but I had to stop to post this which I hereby dedicate to Jon Corby in memory of the CoC XIII second semi-final.Paul Howe wrote:There are some good efforts in the xkcd limerick database.
I have a friend with a T-shirt that says 'You've just lost The Game' on it. And another one that says 'Remember my other T-shirt?' Sometimes the word 't-shirt' makes me lose the game.
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Re: Poetry Corner
Excellent. I love trying to make people lose the game as epicly as possible. When I went to CoC I got Jeff to sign my ticket to a friend of mine who's a big fan of Jeff:
Alex
You lose the game!
Jeff Stelling
Alex
You lose the game!
Jeff Stelling
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Re: Poetry Corner
Hannah, I meant to tell you that you were a good writer, and I was not implying that you were bad!
And Matt, you're funny!
And Matt, you're funny!
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Re: Poetry Corner
There was a young fella called Reams
who had quite explicit hot dreams
the one's starring Rachel, would make young Kai's hair curl
so he keeps them to himself... 'til he creams
who had quite explicit hot dreams
the one's starring Rachel, would make young Kai's hair curl
so he keeps them to himself... 'til he creams
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Re: Poetry Corner
Just for the sake of it, could someone write a regular poem?
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Re: Poetry Corner
Ah, not really Jason, that's not really our forte. It appears we're more comedic limerick rudeness types.Jason Larsen wrote:Just for the sake of it, could someone write a regular poem?
But, we'll read yours!
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Re: Poetry Corner
I was thinking of revising my poem to reflect the new hosts!
Is that ok with you, Lesley?
Is that ok with you, Lesley?
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Re: Poetry Corner
Yes. But to my knowledge, noone let me be in charge.
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Re: Poetry Corner
There was a young lady called Lesley
thought Countdown was best on the telly
she found all of the CoCs, quite spiffing hot jocks
every one of them turned her to jelly
(not really true )
thought Countdown was best on the telly
she found all of the CoCs, quite spiffing hot jocks
every one of them turned her to jelly
(not really true )
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Re: Poetry Corner
There was a young fella called Kai
who Jas thought was a really "swell guy"
but Naomi had to admit, that Kai's really a shit
he's been pulling wool over our eyes
sorry Kai
who Jas thought was a really "swell guy"
but Naomi had to admit, that Kai's really a shit
he's been pulling wool over our eyes
sorry Kai
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Re: Poetry Corner
Limericks are regular poems: they conform to an extremely well-defined rhyme scheme and metrical pattern. But define what you mean by "regular" and I'll write one to fit.Jason Larsen wrote:Just for the sake of it, could someone write a regular poem?
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Re: Poetry Corner
Hmmm... Lesley, I hate to seem old-fashioned, but I find limericks tend to be funnier if they actually rhyme. Proper scansion helps too. Sorry!
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Re: Poetry Corner
They do rhyme to me Phil, the way I say them. And no idea what scansion is...
Re: Poetry Corner
Nice poems everyone, and thank you Jason! I'd like to see your revised poems.
As for scansion, it's all about syllables. A line of poetry has emphasised syllables and unemphasised, or strong and weak. In English, we also emphasise syllables in everyday speech. In fact, take the word "English"- when we say it, we generally put the stress on the first syllable: ENG-lish. In poetry, sometimes the rhythm means that you have to be careful with your scansion, otherwise you'll emphasise the wrong part of the word, leading to a very awkward sounding poem.
Limericks tend to go:
Weak strong weak weak strong weak weak strong weak
Weak strong weak weak strong weak weak strong weak
Weak strong weak weak strong
Weak strong weak weak strong
Weak strong weak weak strong weak weak strong weak
You can add in a few syllables and change it though, that pattern of weak and strong syllables is not set in stone. As for Phil's wonderful producer example, you can see the pattern (strong syllables are bolded)
A certain producer named Eadie
Has eyes that are shifty and beady
And when Rachel talks
They pop out on stalks
Thank goodness the show's not in 3-D..
If you were reading this as several sentences and not in a limerick format, you'll see that you'd naturally say the words with the same weak and strong syllables. You'd say pro-DUC-er, not PRO-duc-er or pro-duc-ER as it sounds odd. Here's my example of bad scansion.
"Consonants? I think I'll take three",
Contestant said to Rachel Riley
Now, I don't know about you, but I say CON-son-ants, not con-SON-ants. It sounds rather bizarre. And I'd say con-TEST-ant, not con-test-ANT. Finally, we know that Rachel's surname is RI-ley, not ri-LEY.
So, there's my attempt at an explanation of scansion.
As for scansion, it's all about syllables. A line of poetry has emphasised syllables and unemphasised, or strong and weak. In English, we also emphasise syllables in everyday speech. In fact, take the word "English"- when we say it, we generally put the stress on the first syllable: ENG-lish. In poetry, sometimes the rhythm means that you have to be careful with your scansion, otherwise you'll emphasise the wrong part of the word, leading to a very awkward sounding poem.
Limericks tend to go:
Weak strong weak weak strong weak weak strong weak
Weak strong weak weak strong weak weak strong weak
Weak strong weak weak strong
Weak strong weak weak strong
Weak strong weak weak strong weak weak strong weak
You can add in a few syllables and change it though, that pattern of weak and strong syllables is not set in stone. As for Phil's wonderful producer example, you can see the pattern (strong syllables are bolded)
A certain producer named Eadie
Has eyes that are shifty and beady
And when Rachel talks
They pop out on stalks
Thank goodness the show's not in 3-D..
If you were reading this as several sentences and not in a limerick format, you'll see that you'd naturally say the words with the same weak and strong syllables. You'd say pro-DUC-er, not PRO-duc-er or pro-duc-ER as it sounds odd. Here's my example of bad scansion.
"Consonants? I think I'll take three",
Contestant said to Rachel Riley
Now, I don't know about you, but I say CON-son-ants, not con-SON-ants. It sounds rather bizarre. And I'd say con-TEST-ant, not con-test-ANT. Finally, we know that Rachel's surname is RI-ley, not ri-LEY.
So, there's my attempt at an explanation of scansion.
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Re: Poetry Corner
Thanks Hannah. That makes sense.
But it don't half take the fun out of it. If I come up with more which don't fit the rule (which I'm sure will be the case, as can't be arsed giving THAT much time to creating them), I'll post them regardless. I'll be having fun, and you and Phil can feel superior in your skill. I just wanna join in.
But it don't half take the fun out of it. If I come up with more which don't fit the rule (which I'm sure will be the case, as can't be arsed giving THAT much time to creating them), I'll post them regardless. I'll be having fun, and you and Phil can feel superior in your skill. I just wanna join in.
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Re: Poetry Corner
I'm struggling to imagine how even the thickest Scottish accent could make "Rachel" rhyme with "hair curl", or "Lesley" rhyme with "telly", but I'll take your word for it.Lesley Jeavons wrote:They do rhyme to me Phil, the way I say them.
Last edited by Phil Reynolds on Thu Feb 12, 2009 6:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Poetry Corner
I don't have much of a Scottish accent. Even as a kid as the Edinburgh accent generally isn't strong. Then I moved to Milton Keynes, Luton, London, Brighton, Bristol and back to Brighton. My accent is a mongrel, and I don't think I've heard anyone else with one the same. I'm sure I'd 'ave 'enry 'iggins perplexed, I would! And a darn good excuse for my crap poems that I think rhyme, huh?
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Re: Poetry Corner
There once was a Reynolds named Phil,
Who loved to assert his strong will,
For rhymes he's not knowin',
He abused Lesley's poem,
And thus became a buzz-kill
Who loved to assert his strong will,
For rhymes he's not knowin',
He abused Lesley's poem,
And thus became a buzz-kill
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Re: Poetry Corner
Doesn't scan, or rhyme, or make any sense. Otherwise excellent.Matt Morrison wrote:There once was a Reynolds named Phil,
Who loved to assert his strong will,
For rhymes he's not knowin',
He abused Lesley's poem,
And thus became a buzz-kill
Re: Poetry Corner
Well it scanned in some points!
As for scansion and taking limericks seriously...
From London there was an old man,
of writing limericks he was a great fan,
The first four lines were good,
they went just as they should,
but for some mystifying reason he could never quite get the last line to properly scan!
As for scansion and taking limericks seriously...
From London there was an old man,
of writing limericks he was a great fan,
The first four lines were good,
they went just as they should,
but for some mystifying reason he could never quite get the last line to properly scan!
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Re: Poetry Corner
Lesley, you're funny!
Hannah, I will post my revised Countdown poem below this message. Watch this thread.
Hannah, I will post my revised Countdown poem below this message. Watch this thread.
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Re: Poetry Corner
Here is my revised version of My UK Pleasure
What's the most popular game in any UK town?
Why, it's a game we like to call Countdown
The original host was Richard Whiteley
He always filled myself with glee
Des Lynam is a really nice guy
He has a personality that money can't buy
In 2007, the host was Des O'Connor
But in 2009 he became a goner
In 2008 we knew there was lots of telling
That the new host of Countdown is Jeff Stelling
The game starts off with a round of letters
I cannot explain it any better
The game continues with a round of numbers
Which is really great for him and her
Here's something I can prove better than life on Mars
The Countdown crew are all stars.
What's the most popular game in any UK town?
Why, it's a game we like to call Countdown
The original host was Richard Whiteley
He always filled myself with glee
Des Lynam is a really nice guy
He has a personality that money can't buy
In 2007, the host was Des O'Connor
But in 2009 he became a goner
In 2008 we knew there was lots of telling
That the new host of Countdown is Jeff Stelling
The game starts off with a round of letters
I cannot explain it any better
The game continues with a round of numbers
Which is really great for him and her
Here's something I can prove better than life on Mars
The Countdown crew are all stars.
Re: Poetry Corner
Nice! I especially liked the clever way you rhymed O'Connor- I'd find it difficult!
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Re: Poetry Corner
The $64000 question is: Who has a personality that money can buy?Jason Larsen wrote: He has a personality that money can't buy
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Re: Poetry Corner
Realdoll.Kirk Bevins wrote:The $64000 question is: Who has a personality that money can buy?Jason Larsen wrote:He has a personality that money can't buy
really wanted to make that a link but I don't want to be accused of pedalling smut for the sake of a mediocre joke.
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Re: Poetry Corner
Aw, Matt. I need Jon to find me a knight in shining armour smilie for that one!Matt Morrison wrote:There once was a Reynolds named Phil,
Who loved to assert his strong will,
For rhymes he's not knowin',
He abused Lesley's poem,
And thus became a buzz-kill
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Re: Poetry Corner
I know, Jason. But thanks for the confirmation!Jason Larsen wrote:Lesley, you're funny!
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Re: Poetry Corner
Another of my 'classics' coming up... Phil, be warned...
There was a fine fella called Jon
who found most things gave him the horn
some find him obscene, but he makes others scream
so they leave him to just carry on
There was a fine fella called Jon
who found most things gave him the horn
some find him obscene, but he makes others scream
so they leave him to just carry on
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Re: Poetry Corner
Thanks for posting your poem, Jason. You'll have to amend it again though - it doesn't mention Rachel.
- Phil Reynolds
- Postmaster General
- Posts: 3329
- Joined: Fri Oct 31, 2008 3:43 pm
- Location: Leamington Spa, UK
Re: Poetry Corner
Scansion: 10/10Lesley Jeavons wrote:Another of my 'classics' coming up... Phil, be warned...
There was a fine fella called Jon
who found most things gave him the horn
some find him obscene, but he makes others scream
so they leave him to just carry on
Rhyming: 3/10 ("Jon" does at least rhyme with "on")
Drifting from past to present tense for no apparent reason: 0/10
- Kirk Bevins
- God
- Posts: 4923
- Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2008 5:18 pm
- Location: York, UK
Re: Poetry Corner
Surely she's done a great job at that and so should be 10/10.Phil Reynolds wrote: Drifting from past to present tense for no apparent reason: 0/10
Re: Poetry Corner
Kirk failed to win a teapot
So he played 'til he was red hot
With 10 nines and an eight
We thought he was great
But the spoiler police had him shot.
So he played 'til he was red hot
With 10 nines and an eight
We thought he was great
But the spoiler police had him shot.
- Phil Reynolds
- Postmaster General
- Posts: 3329
- Joined: Fri Oct 31, 2008 3:43 pm
- Location: Leamington Spa, UK
Re: Poetry Corner
They don't let you back on the showGary Male wrote:Kirk failed to win a teapot
So he played 'til he was red hot
With 10 nines and an eight
We thought he was great
But the spoiler police had him shot.
If you fail on your very first go
But it's time to relent
The rules must be bent
'Cos Kirk's not a jerk - he's a pro!