c4countdown

Hi all comedy lovers,
Any hilarious jokes? Share them here!
One of my jokes: a boy comes into school late and the teacher says where have you been and the boy says on top of cherry hill sir and another boy comes to school late and the teacher says where have you been and the boy says on top of cherry hill sir and one more boy comes in late and the teacher says where have you been and the boy says on top of cherry hill sir and a girl comes to school late and the teacher says have you been on top of cherry hill too and the girl says no I am cherry hill
POST YOUR FUNNIEST JOKES HERE! Make us all lol!
Bye.
Soph

A guy and his wife are setting their new computer up. The man sets his as 'mypenis' and the wife lolz 'cause it says 'unaccepted: too short.'

Very funny one, Joseph!

Why did the lifeguard not save the hippy? Because he was too far out man.

A perfumer had a pet manatee called Hugh. He decided to name his latest brand of perfume after him. It was called Eau de Hugh Manatee.

I'm writing a mystery novel. Or am I?

Why do elephants paint their toenails pink? So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? No? That's how good a disguise it is.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle? A giraffe picking cherries.
How do you know there's an elephant in the fridge? There's footprints in the butter.
How do you know there's two elephants in the fridge? The door wont close.
How do you know there's an elephant in the pub? His bike is outside.
How do you know there are two elephants in the pub? There's a dent in the crossbar.

Really funny ones, Mark!

Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?








The wheelchair.

An Englishmen, an Irishman and Apterous Rex were in a pub. Apterous Rex was going to pay on his credit card but he'd maxed it the previous round.

Jon O'Neill wrote:Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?








The wheelchair.

I think I have expressed my feelings in a suitably James Robinson-esque fashion.


Edit: Bernard Manning joke (yes, I know):

My aunt's an unorthodox Jew ....................
























............ she's a Nazi.

Jon O'Neill wrote:Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?








The wheelchair.

That's absolutely disgraceful tbh

Martyn Simpson wrote:

Jon O'Neill wrote:Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?








The wheelchair.

That's absolutely disgraceful tbh

I know. The wheelchair isn't part of the vegetable. They're not fucking cyborgs!

David O'Donnell wrote:

Jon O'Neill wrote:Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.

I think I have expressed my feelings in a suitably James Robinson-esque fashion.


Edit: Bernard Manning joke (yes, I know):

My aunt's an unorthodox Jew ....................

............ she's a Nazi.

HA. I've always hated Bernard Manning, but that's a great joke. The wheelchair one is piss funny too.

My friends have been teasing me about my Alzheimer's recently. Joke's on them, though, I don't even have a toaster.

Not very funny ones but hey ho they are jokes
Why did the banana go to the doctors? Because it wasn't peeling very well
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to
MUM: Does your new teacher like you? CHILD: I think so, she keeps putting kisses next to my work
MUM: It's raining cats and dogs out there! DAD: I know, I stepped in a poodle

Jon O'Neill wrote:Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?








The wheelchair.

You need to be more cryptic.

What is the hardest part of chocolate to eat?






The bars.

Some hilarious jokes, guys. Keep 'em coming!

So Holly Willoughbooby has called her new baby Belle.

Bit cheesy if you ask me.

Gavin Chipper wrote:

Jon O'Neill wrote:Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?








The wheelchair.

You need to be more cryptic.

What is the hardest part of chocolate to eat?






The bars.

I'm sure you were all with me anyway, but you know, prison bars?