c4countdown

Let's face it, darts is pretty shit. Post your ideas here for how to improve it.

1. The dartboard should rotate, powered by an exercise bike ridden by the player not at the oche. The faster he pedals, the faster the board spins, making it harder to hit boring treble 20 after boring treble 20. Would also help the fat cunts lose some weight.

Nothing for two in a bed.

darts would be better if common people weren't allowed to play it and it went back to being the preserve of the gentleman (also, no blacks)

You wouldn't see Barney playing darts.

Jon Corby wrote: 1. The dartboard should rotate, powered by an exercise bike ridden by the player not at the oche. The faster he pedals, the faster the board spins, making it harder to hit boring treble 20 after boring treble 20. Would also help the fat cunts lose some weight.

Actually in stitches!

FUCK DARTS!

I remember seeing a darts match once with a huge dartboard with a scantily clad piece of blart tied to it, and the guy was blindfolded. That was pretty good, they should bring that rule back.

Jon Corby wrote:I remember seeing a darts match once with a huge dartboard with a scantily clad piece of blart tied to it, and the guy was blindfolded. That was pretty good, they should bring that rule back.

Did you ever see Stone Age Topless Darts? It was on some obscure Sky channel a few years back. They should bring that back as well. Everyone loves a healthy pair of boobs and Barney certainly has those.

Charlie Reams wrote:

Jon Corby wrote:I remember seeing a darts match once with a huge dartboard with a scantily clad piece of blart tied to it, and the guy was blindfolded. That was pretty good, they should bring that rule back.

Did you ever see Stone Age Topless Darts? It was on some obscure Sky channel a few years back. They should bring that back as well. Everyone loves a healthy pair of boobs and Barney certainly has those.

Ah, L!ve TV, I remember it well. Tiffany's Big City Tips, The Weather in Norwegian with er... Anna someone... shit I forgot her name. Anne-Marie Foss? Or is that someone else?

If you're nearer the board than your opponent your score does not count.

David Williams wrote:If you're nearer the board than your opponent your score does not count.

Time to bring in a circular (arced) oche then?

If I recall correctly, Anne-Marie Foss was one of the occasional presenters on late night show "The Big E" - a ridiculous magazine show about European culture which was on ITV in the early '90s about 1 a.m. on Sunday morning. "The Big E" must have had zero budget; they would frequently make articles just by dragging foreign students off the streets of London and playing ridiculous games with them. It got slightly better when it turned into a general music/entertainment show, and dropped the European theme.

But yeh, google suggests Jon is right - Foss was also one of the kit-off models/actresses who presented the weather on L!ve TV.

Why not take the prick off the end of the darts and have a robot throw them instead?

Some of the sports channels were a bit desperate for something to cover, as well. I remember two of them simultaneously showing rival 10-pin bowling competitions. Worse than darts.

Jon Corby wrote:Let's face it, darts is pretty shit. Post your ideas here for how to improve it.

1. The dartboard should rotate, powered by an exercise bike ridden by the player not at the oche. The faster he pedals, the faster the board spins, making it harder to hit boring treble 20 after boring treble 20. Would also help the fat cunts lose some weight.

Having thought about it a bit more this was probably a bit simplistic, and I apologise for that. I've decided that there should also be pistons going up and down either side of the rotating dartboard, puffing out steam, and when a certain speed is met a big train whistle also blows.

Bring on the quadruple bed, between the treble and the bullseye.

Replace the numbers with letters so you can play Countdown.
Ideas for positions of letters please.

Marc Meakin wrote:Replace the numbers with letters so you can play Countdown.
Ideas for positions of letters please.

There are 20 numbers, so get rid of the 6 worst letters, so bye bye J, Q, V, W, X, Z.

Then A=1, B=2, C=3, etc., all the way up to Y for 20.

And if you hit doubles or trebles, then 2 or 3 of that letter would be in play.

For a bull, you could choose any letter (including JQVWX or Z)

It might work better if every 'segment' represented a letter.
I think that there are 82 segments so you can duplicate the most common letters several times.

Peter Mabey wrote:For a bull, you could choose any letter (including JQVWX or Z)

Outer bull you choose 1 letter, inner bull 2.

Can't they just make the board and the darts loads bigger? The poor bastards in the audience have such a hard time seeing what's going on that they seem to turn to drink and loutish behaviour. I reckon if you used one of them archery boards and some javelins that would be much better. And more civilised all round.

Oh yeah, and stop having big competitions at the Circus Tavern, Purfleet, Essex. That's a strip joint.

Put the board on the ceiling.

Heather Badcock wrote:Can't they just make the board and the darts loads bigger? The poor bastards in the audience have such a hard time seeing what's going on that they seem to turn to drink and loutish behaviour. I reckon if you used one of them archery boards and some javelins that would be much better. And more civilised all round.

Oh yeah, and stop having big competitions at the Circus Tavern, Purfleet, Essex. That's a strip joint.

They have tried playing at a convent before, but we all know it ended in tragedy.

Allow blowpipes.

Marc Meakin wrote:Allow blowpipes.

Allow blow.

Heather Badcock wrote:Can't they just make the board and the darts loads bigger? The poor bastards in the audience have such a hard time seeing what's going on that they seem to turn to drink and loutish behaviour. I reckon if you used one of them archery boards and some javelins that would be much better. And more civilised all round.

It's been compared before...who will win? Place your bets now please.

Kirk Bevins wrote:It's been compared before...who will win? Place your bets now please.

Man, archery is always super-impressive (to me, at least). Boring, but impressive. (Plus archers usually look totally badass.)

Michael Wallace wrote:

Kirk Bevins wrote:It's been compared before...who will win? Place your bets now please.

Man, archery is always super-impressive (to me, at least). Boring, but impressive. (Plus archers usually look totally badass.)

Why? Just pull your bowstrings back and fire - there's very little that can go wrong. It's like clay pigeon shooting - look at your target and fire - i hit 12 out of 12 clay pigeons and I'd never picked up a gun of any description before. Surely it's similar to that when you're using a firing aid (i.e. elastic) rather than just your arm muscles (darts)?

Kirk Bevins wrote:Why?

Hitting a target 70m away fills me with a little more awe than one 2.5m away. The first time I played darts I didn't miss the board, I can't imagine I'd have similar success at archery. Also, archery looks badass.

Kirk Bevins wrote:It's like clay pigeon shooting - look at your target and fire - i hit 12 out of 12 clay pigeons and I'd never picked up a gun of any description before.

I dunno what range/speed/conditions you were shooting under, but they must've been pretty favourable. It would hardly be an Olympic sport if everyone could get a "max game" on their first attempt.

Throw all three darts at one time.
Get the person you hate the most to be the dartboard.
Double your score if you throw trick shots.
Play it in a public park and let small children have a go.

And finally... Play with some light!

Kirk Bevins wrote:i hit 12 out of 12 clay pigeons and I'd never picked up a gun of any description before.

You're supposed to wait until they've been fired out of the traps, dummy.


Archers also have wind to contend with, and not in the same way that fat fuck darts players do.

Charlie Reams wrote: I dunno what range/speed/conditions you were shooting under, but they must've been pretty favourable. It would hardly be an Olympic sport if everyone could get a "max game" on their first attempt.

Maybe I could be the world's best at clay pigeon shooting and I don't know it. Damn.
Also, nobody else got a max game. Everyone in the youth club had a go and I was the only one who got anywhere near perfect.

Jon Corby wrote: Archers also have wind to contend with, and not in the same way that fat fuck darts players do.

Archers also have wind to contend with, and not in the same way that fat fuck darts players do.

Kirk Bevins wrote:

Charlie Reams wrote: I dunno what range/speed/conditions you were shooting under, but they must've been pretty favourable. It would hardly be an Olympic sport if everyone could get a "max game" on their first attempt.

Maybe I could be the world's best at clay pigeon shooting and I don't know it. Damn.
Also, nobody else got a max game. Everyone in the youth club had a go and I was the only one who got anywhere near perfect.

So nobody else got a max game, which contradicts your original point that it's easy.

Kirk Bevins wrote:

Jon Corby wrote: Archers also have wind to contend with, and not in the same way that fat fuck darts players do.

Archers also have wind to contend with, and not in the same way that fat fuck darts players do.

Hahaha, brilliant. A link to somebody crying about air conditioning (were they turning it off while his opponent threw, and then back on for him?) and then a link to what is presumably two darts players that you fancy.

Charlie Reams wrote:

Kirk Bevins wrote:

Charlie Reams wrote: I dunno what range/speed/conditions you were shooting under, but they must've been pretty favourable. It would hardly be an Olympic sport if everyone could get a "max game" on their first attempt.

Maybe I could be the world's best at clay pigeon shooting and I don't know it. Damn.
Also, nobody else got a max game. Everyone in the youth club had a go and I was the only one who got anywhere near perfect.

So nobody else got a max game, which contradicts your original point that it's easy.

It's easy for darts players, because THEY'RE SUPER-AWESOME.

Jon Corby wrote: Hahaha, brilliant. A link to somebody crying about air conditioning (were they turning it off while his opponent threw, and then back on for him?) and then a link to what is presumably two darts players that you fancy.

You know what Corby? You're a cunt.

Kirk Bevins wrote: You know what Corby? You're a cunt.

Kirk Bevins wrote:you've just resulted to pathetic childish insults.

Charlie Reams wrote:

Kirk Bevins wrote:you've just resulted to pathetic childish insults.

I don't class 'cunt' as a pathetic childish insult.

Kirk Bevins wrote:

Charlie Reams wrote:

Kirk Bevins wrote:you've just resulted to pathetic childish insults.

I don't class 'cunt' as a pathetic childish insult.

Fair enough, you cunt.

Kirk Bevins wrote:

Jon Corby wrote: Hahaha, brilliant. A link to somebody crying about air conditioning (were they turning it off while his opponent threw, and then back on for him?) and then a link to what is presumably two darts players that you fancy.

You know what Corby? You're a cunt.

What?

How is that article a rebuttal to the claim that archers have to compensate for wind?

David Roe wrote:Some of the sports channels were a bit desperate for something to cover, as well. I remember two of them simultaneously showing rival 10-pin bowling competitions. Worse than darts.

What the hell?! I think everyone knows that given a fair, unbiased sample of people, 2/3 will prefer to watch tenpin bowling over darts!

I think it's quite clear that whoever invented darts messed his numbers up. He meant for the bullseye to be the best but didn't realise that all the trebles from 17 beat it. What a cunt.

Darts Monopoly - each segment corresponds to a property, which you land on by hitting it (so you can then buy it if you want). Once you own a 'set' (both segments in a number, I guess) you can earn the right to buy houses/hotels by hitting the double/triple. You can make certain segments chance/community chest, and maybe make the outer bull go to jail and bullseye something cool (free parking maybe, if you play by the rule that fines have to go on free parking).

The result would be a game that is better than both darts and Monopoly, I'm sure you'd agree.

Michael Wallace wrote:Darts Monopoly - each segment corresponds to a property, which you land on by hitting it (so you can then buy it if you want). Once you own a 'set' (both segments in a number, I guess) you can earn the right to buy houses/hotels by hitting the double/triple. You can make certain segments chance/community chest, and maybe make the outer bull go to jail and bullseye something cool (free parking maybe, if you play by the rule that fines have to go on free parking).

The result would be a game that is better than both darts and Monopoly, I'm sure you'd agree.

Genuinely cool idea.

Ban attractive women, apparently.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/darts/65003070
Couldn't find a darts thread.
But mixed darts could be cool

Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Sun Mar 19, 2023 7:21 pm https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/darts/65003070
Couldn't find a darts thread.
But mixed darts could be cool

Could be? Women have played in open tournaments for years.

Ian Volante wrote: ↑Tue Mar 28, 2023 11:43 am

Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Sun Mar 19, 2023 7:21 pm https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/darts/65003070
Couldn't find a darts thread.
But mixed darts could be cool

Could be? Women have played in open tournaments for years.

I meant mean and Women in mixed pairs

I see there was a mixed triples event recently. I'm sure pairs has been done in the past too, could be more formalised I suppose.