Poetry Corner

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 2:01 am

I would like to write a poem to my friends in the production team. This is for all of them, but the rest of you can respond too. It's called, "My UK Pleasure." Here goes:

My UK Pleasure
by Jason Larsen

What's the most popular game in any UK town?
Why, it's a game we like to call Countdown
The original host was Richard Whiteley
He always filled myself with glee
Des Lynam is a really nice guy
He has a personality that money can't buy
Now, the host is Des O'Connor
Anytime soon, I hope he's not a goner
The game starts off with a round of letters
I cannot explain it any better
The game continues with a round of numbers
Which is really great for him and her
Here's something I can prove better than life on Mars
The Countdown crew are all stars.

I will be sending my writing to Lara at least once a month. It is up to her if Des reads it. I would like to send big cyber hugs to Kate and Lara, and firm cyber handshakes to Damian. You are all great people!

I hope you all enjoyed my poem!

Thank you!

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:28 am

Good stuff. Any more budding poets out there?

This one's called "Corby's Fantasy"

There was a young lady named Susie
Who acted a bit of a floozie
She flashed me her "Dent"
So up it I went
I'm lucky she's not all that choosy

David O'Donnell · Post by **David O'Donnell** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:52 am

I tried to think of my own dirty limerick but I can't surpass Corby's sublime effort, here's a haiku instead.

Countdown conundrum,
Clocks ticking; no answer: shit!
It ends I-N-G.

Which is dedicated to my supreme non-abilities at conundra.

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 9:11 am

Jason Larsen wrote: Now, the host is Des O'Connor
Anytime soon, I hope he's not a goner

This is probably the best couplet since Poe. I submit my own haiku:

Gasp! The old lady
Says she's got a nine. Oh wait,
Misdeclaration.

David O'Donnell · Post by **David O'Donnell** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 9:22 am

Charlie Reams wrote:
Jason Larsen wrote: Now, the host is Des O'Connor
Anytime soon, I hope he's not a goner
This is probably the best couplet since Poe. I submit my own haiku:

Gasp! The old lady
Says she's got a nine. Oh wait,
Misdeclaration.

Brilliant!

Michael Wallace · Post by **Michael Wallace** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 9:23 am

David O'Donnell wrote:Countdown conundrum,
Clocks ticking; no answer: shit!
Ends I-N-G.

How do you get 5 syllables out of 'Ends I-N-G'? is that some perverted Irish thing?

David O'Donnell · Post by **David O'Donnell** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 9:25 am

Michael Wallace wrote:
David O'Donnell wrote:Countdown conundrum,
Clocks ticking; no answer: shit!
Ends I-N-G.
How do you get 5 syllables out of 'Ends I-N-G'? is that some perverted Irish thing?

Bog off, I am hungover.

PS Duly edited [this is going to be my catchphrase].

Damian E · Post by **Damian E** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 9:44 am

Charlie Reams wrote:
Jason Larsen wrote: Now, the host is Des O'Connor
Anytime soon, I hope he's not a goner
This is probably the best couplet since Poe. I submit my own haiku:

Gasp! The old lady
Says she's got a nine. Oh wait,
Misdeclaration.

It's a crucial conundrum
HEAR RADIO looks unsolvable, i'm crapping myself
Diarrhoea.

Kate Horton · Post by **Kate Horton** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 10:12 am

[quote="Jason Larsen"]

I hope you all enjoyed my poem!

Hello Jason,
Thanks for the poem. There's no denying your love of Countdown, is there? Keep sending material to Lara and, whjo knows, one day Des may read one out on the show and give you a little wave!
Have a nice day. K

Jennifer Turner · Post by **Jennifer Turner** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 11:50 am

Jason Larsen wrote: What's the most popular game in any UK town?
Why, it's a game we like to call Countdown

You've fallen at the first. The most popular game in any UK town is in fact Kick The Pikey.

I will be sending my writing to Lara at least once a month.

You missed out "until my demands are met".

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 11:52 am

Jennifer Turner wrote:You missed out "until my demands are met".

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 12:46 pm

Jennifer Turner wrote:
I will be sending my writing to Lara at least once a month.
You missed out "until my demands are met".

If there was a way to highlight excellent posts, this and Corby's limerick would definitely have got my vote.

M. George Quinn · Post by **M. George Quinn** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 12:47 pm

Some say Des can no longer rock,
But he still gives the ladies a shock,
At 3:25,
They all come alive,
When he shows them his big, shiny clock.

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 12:53 pm

M. George Quinn wrote:Some say Des can no longer rock,
But he still gives the ladies a shock,
At 3:25,
They all come alive,
When he shows them his big, shiny clock.

Excellent!

David O'Donnell · Post by **David O'Donnell** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 12:59 pm

Charlie Reams wrote:
Jennifer Turner wrote:
I will be sending my writing to Lara at least once a month.
You missed out "until my demands are met".
If there was a way to highlight excellent posts, this and Corby's limerick would definitely have got my vote.

You could have a "rec" system whereby funny or interesting posts receive a "rec" which is listed as count somewhere near the post itself. I am not sure what this would entail computer-lingo wise.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 1:23 pm

Hello again, everyone!

I'm sorry, but I just couldn't think of any rhyme for anything except goner for Connor and her for numbers. I wanted to keep it positive.

Damian and Kate, thank you very much for your kind words!

Gavin Chipper · Post by **Gavin Chipper** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:21 pm

I'm not sure I really "get" haikus. Is there any logic behind the number of syllables in a line or is it just some arbitrary invention?

Paul Howe · Post by **Paul Howe** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:48 pm

Gevin-Gavin wrote:I'm not sure I really "get" haikus. Is there any logic behind the
number of syllables in a line

Not when Damian's writing them

5-7-5 seems to be the most commonly used form, but I think there might be a lot of subtlety us cloth eared Westerners are missing.

Loving this thread though, Corby for Poet Laureate

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:50 pm

I wrote this thread for at least me to share my Countdown poem. Now, look what it's turned into.

You all have very different styles of writing.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu May 01, 2008 2:11 pm

I was wondering something.

What makes Des O'Connor laugh?

If any of you are wondering why I am posting this thread, well, I'll give you a hint:

Take a look at the date that this thread was posted.

Damian E · Post by **Damian E** » Thu May 01, 2008 2:17 pm

Is the answer - Des laughs at Thu May 1st ?

Ralph Gillions · Post by **Ralph Gillions** » Thu May 01, 2008 2:24 pm

Well I can't say that I have detected any particular thing that tickles the Des funny bone more than anything else.
He seems to be amused and smiles about a lot of things, but I don't know what his favourite sort of humour might be.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu May 01, 2008 2:27 pm

No, Damian.

May 1 is the beginning of a new month, and it's time for me to send another e-mail draft to the Countdown crew.

I am asking for you all to give me some insight about what makes Des O'Connor laugh so that an e-mail from me will be read on the air by him.

Lara seems very sweet. If anyone receives my e-mail draft, it's going to be her. Sweet Lara is very busy, so Sweet Lara doesn't always have the time to respond to me. Nothing against her, though. I like her a lot.

Also, if anyone rejects e-mails to be read on the air on Countdown, it's Des himself. Not Carol, not Lara, but Des himself.

If the e-mail I send gets a laugh out of Des, he will read it.

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Thu May 01, 2008 2:33 pm

Yeah, because despite being a famous TV presenter and busy father, Des does actually read all the correspondence sent in to Countdown himself.

David O'Donnell · Post by **David O'Donnell** » Thu May 01, 2008 2:36 pm

Charlie Reams wrote:Yeah, because despite being a famous TV presenter and busy father, Des does actually read all the correspondence sent in to Countdown himself.

Sarcasm is soooo 1980s.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu May 01, 2008 2:39 pm

Wow!

I knew Des was such a caring guy!

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu May 01, 2008 2:40 pm

Thank you for merging this thread, to whoever did it.

David O'Donnell · Post by **David O'Donnell** » Thu May 01, 2008 2:41 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:Wow!

I knew Des was such a caring guy!

.... and Larsen's return puts the ball in Charlie's court!

Lara Searle · Post by **Lara Searle** » Thu May 01, 2008 2:43 pm

I am indeed very sweet! As is Kate. Damian - not so much!

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Thu May 01, 2008 3:15 pm

David O'Donnell wrote:
Jason Larsen wrote:Wow!

I knew Des was such a caring guy!

.... and Larsen's return puts the ball in Charlie's court!

I think I might just swallow the ball and end it all.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu May 01, 2008 4:47 pm

David, I'll try not to take you too seriously.

Lara, it's nice to hear from you.

lelb72 · Post by **lelb72** » Tue May 06, 2008 9:39 pm

I didnt realise some of you posted on here that worked at Countdown. Nice to see you take the time out to say hello.
Kate knows my poetry. The washing machine is good by the way Kate if you read this ;o)
Shame me and Lara didnt get to talk properly about Kylie but still.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Tue May 06, 2008 10:13 pm

Lee, did you like that?

lelb72 · Post by **lelb72** » Wed May 07, 2008 9:55 am

If you meant the poem Jason yes i did

Here's my effort

Countdown is a thrilling game
It gets us all excited
Come and join in all the fun
Cause everyone's invited.
Des does introductions
Tells a joke that's good, but lame
And it's time to pick your pens up
concentrate and play the game
Chose your letters 9 of them
And try to make a word
Susie's good at this round
Cause her word will be absurd
The numbers round is sometimes hard
Carol shows it's easy
The camera spans around her
In her dress that's sometimes sleazy.
At the final stage the conundrum
If you get it, then be proud
But if you dont, Des always asks
"Someone got that in the crowd"
So relax and put your feet up
Afternoons on Channel 4
And may the game of Countdown
Reign supreme forever more!

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Wed May 07, 2008 10:38 am

Time for me to balance out this thread again...

A lady from 'Strictly Come Dancing'
Conned pikeys with subprime financing
To pay for her op
(as her 'two from the top'
appear to have had some enhancing)

M. George Quinn · Post by **M. George Quinn** » Wed May 07, 2008 10:52 am

I would love to boink Carol Vorderman,
I just don't think I can afford her, man.
That's quite a bugger,
I'll just have to drug her,
Then smuggle her over the border, man.

David O'Donnell · Post by **David O'Donnell** » Wed May 07, 2008 11:07 am

@ Corby's genius!

@ Magic George's disturbing thought processes, this sense of unease is not even remotely attenuated by that avatar you are currently sporting ... and you entertain children

M. George Quinn · Post by **M. George Quinn** » Wed May 07, 2008 11:22 am

Corby started it with his Susie poem. I was trying to outcorby, Corby. You can say anything in a limerick. Them's the rules.

David O'Donnell · Post by **David O'Donnell** » Wed May 07, 2008 11:33 am

M. George Quinn wrote:Corby started it with his Susie poem. I was trying to outcorby, Corby. You can say anything in a limerick. Them's the rules.

Fair enough. I was really just trying to buy a little time so I could out-corby both of you

but alas the artistic well runs dry, maybe when I return from the pub tonight

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Wed May 07, 2008 11:38 am

M. George Quinn wrote:You can say anything in a limerick. Them's the rules.

Really? Cool...

"An Austrian father named Fritzl,
..."

M. George Quinn · Post by **M. George Quinn** » Wed May 07, 2008 12:17 pm

Ha, I like how he put in the "..." to suggest he had the good taste to stop there. When we all know it was really just because he can't rhyme Fritzl.

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Wed May 07, 2008 12:21 pm

M. George Quinn wrote:Ha, I like how he put in the "..." to suggest he had the good taste to stop there. When we all know it was really just because he can't rhyme Fritzl.

Wienerschnitzel.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed May 07, 2008 1:29 pm

Great poems, everyone!

M. George Quinn · Post by **M. George Quinn** » Wed May 07, 2008 3:33 pm

There was a young fellow called Jason,
Who for each thought he had he would race on
To the countdown board,
And leave us all floored,
With an enthusiastic explanation.

M. George Quinn · Post by **M. George Quinn** » Wed May 07, 2008 3:44 pm

There was a young fellow from Omagh,
Whose nervousness was a misnomer,
It’s not nerves, if you please,
He’s just had the DTs,
Since he drank himself into a coma.

David O'Donnell · Post by **David O'Donnell** » Wed May 07, 2008 4:18 pm

It's funny because it's true, nice work, George!

David O'Donnell · Post by **David O'Donnell** » Wed May 07, 2008 5:31 pm

There once was a clown from Belfast,
Who coveted a certain numbers lass,
With his favourite narcotic,
He'd spike her gin to get her erotic
But Corby drank the gin and George has a sore ass.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed May 07, 2008 8:07 pm

George, you deserve a round of applause for that!

Gavin Chipper · Post by **Gavin Chipper** » Wed May 07, 2008 10:44 pm

Corby wrote:
M. George Quinn wrote:You can say anything in a limerick. Them's the rules.
Really? Cool...

"An Austrian father named Fritzl,
..."

Thought it would be good if his kids all,
Had sex before luncheon,
With him in the dungeon,
And comatose one when he hits all.

Dinos Sfyris · Post by **Dinos Sfyris** » Wed May 07, 2008 10:52 pm

There was a young girl named Maddie
with a neglectful mummy and daddy.
Despite what they said
Lets face it. She's dead.
Raped by a Portuguese baddie.

Gavin Chipper · Post by **Gavin Chipper** » Wed May 07, 2008 11:22 pm

dinos_the_chemist wrote:There was a young girl named Maddie
with a neglectful mummy and daddy.
Despite what they said
Lets face it. She's dead.
Raped by a Portuguese baddie.

I have to admit I laughed at that - it was the word "baddie" that did it.

M. George Quinn · Post by **M. George Quinn** » Thu May 08, 2008 12:16 am

So, do you reckon Des will read these out?

Michael Wallace · Post by **Michael Wallace** » Thu May 08, 2008 1:05 am

dinos_the_chemist wrote:There was a young girl named Maddie
with a neglectful mummy and daddy.
Despite what they said
Lets face it. She's dead.
Raped by a Portuguese baddie.

<3

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu May 08, 2008 2:55 am

Wonderful, Gavin and Dinos!

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Thu May 08, 2008 12:25 pm

I see this thread wandered far enough off topic to be moved.

I'd like to claim some of the credit for that.

Jason Larsen wrote:Wonderful, Gavin and Dinos!

You applaud poems about paedophilia, child kidnapping, incest etc, yet send me a page-long private message about being offended when I used the F-word?

I'm beginning to think you're a little strange

M. George Quinn · Post by **M. George Quinn** » Thu May 08, 2008 12:41 pm

Michael Wallace wrote: <3

Is that a heart on its side or a visible fart from an invisible bottom?

(Sorry for using the f-word JL)

I thought this thread had been deleted. I was kind of glad since my stagename is now on the same page as our collective filth. Prospective customers will no doubt be delighted to come across this after the googlebots get here.

George

Michael Wallace · Post by **Michael Wallace** » Thu May 08, 2008 12:55 pm

M. George Quinn wrote:
Michael Wallace wrote: <3
Is that a heart on it's side or a visible fart from an invisible bottom?

It's whatever you want it to be (and more!).

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu May 08, 2008 2:58 pm

I'm sorry, Jon!

Damian is a very nice guy, and Kate and Lara are both sweethearts. I'm glad they liked my poem.

Lesley Jeavons · Post by **Lesley Jeavons** » Wed Feb 11, 2009 7:52 pm

*bump*
I've just read this thread because someone linked to it in a recap. You guys rock!

(though some are a bit ouch!)

Now that we have new presenters (and all the CoCs

), can't wait to hear what you all come up with now!

Clare Sudbery · Post by **Clare Sudbery** » Wed Feb 11, 2009 7:56 pm

Do you need help with your spelling?
Then come up to Leeds and ask Stelling.
Just form a neat queue
He'll soon be with you
But shush at the back, and no yelling!