c4countdown

The phone rang just after midday today. It was my friend Steve. "Hi, got to be quick 'cos my phone's about to run out of charge. I wonder if you could do us a big favour. Wendy and I are at Barcelona Airport and our flight home has been re-routed, which means the person who was going to pick us up can't. Could you possibly come and pick us up from East Midlands Airport at six o'clock?" Yeah, of course, no problem. I take down the flight number and hang up with that good feeling you get when you know you've helped someone out of a tight corner.

I just remembered: my car's a two-seater.

Please boost my self-esteem by sharing similar tales of incredibly dumb things that you've done.

Last week I received an insurance pay out of £1700, so not having any banks in or that near to my village I put it in the post to my bank IN LONDON where there's a postal strike SWMBO not amused!

I'm sure this isn't the worst but it's the most recent... I flew back from Italy last month, so I diligently arrived at the airport before check-in even started, and made my way to the main part of the airport, Terminal 1. Saw that my flight was leaving from Terminal 2 so felt relaxed because it would obviously be the next one along; hung around saying bye to my friends as they caught various flights, stopped for something to eat, etc etc. Half an hour before check-in closed I thought I better go and pick up my tickets, so I asked a frequent flyer friend which way to go, and he pointed me to the far door, and off I set. Thought it a bit strange that there were no signs for Terminal 2 anywhere, but after wandering for a bit (still relaxed) I asked some member of airport staff where it was, and he explained that it was a fucking 20 minute bus journey away. I mean seriously, who does that? Anyway I still would've made it, except that I then had to wait 15 minutes for said bus. So I finally got the check-in about 3 minutes after it closed to find that a) yes, I'd missed check-in, even though the flight didn't leave for another 45 minutes, so I had to watch my own flight leave from the departure lounge b) I had to pay around £60 to get another one c) it was not departing until 8am the next morning, twelve hours hence.

On the plus side, got to know Terminal 2 of Milan Mapensa airport very intimately.

Phil Reynolds wrote:I just remembered: my car's a two-seater.

Phone mutual friends with proper cars?

David Williams wrote:

Phil Reynolds wrote:I just remembered: my car's a two-seater.

Phone mutual friends with proper cars?

Already done, but still feeling a dick. (And not in a good way.)

There's a sequel.

Arrive at the airport after a speed-limit busting dash up the M1 in a borrowed car. Park and dash across to the arrivals building just in time to meet my friends coming through with a heavily laden baggage trolley. After the requisite hugs and kisses (we're all actors), we head across the road to the car park as I explain the afternoon's hilarious kerfuffle. "The car's over here," I say, leading the way in the general direction of where I left it.

Then I suddenly realise I haven't got a clue what it looks like or what its registration number is.

Phil Reynolds wrote:There's a sequel.

Arrive at the airport after a speed-limit busting dash up the M1 in a borrowed car. Park and dash across to the arrivals building just in time to meet my friends coming through with a heavily laden baggage trolley. After the requisite hugs and kisses (we're all actors), we head across the road to the car park as I explain the afternoon's hilarious kerfuffle. "The car's over here," I say, leading the way in the general direction of where I left it.

Then I suddenly realise I haven't got a clue what it looks like or what its registration number is.

Been there, done that.

I went on a date with a girl many years ago and 2 older women came over and spoke to her in this bar. My date seemed annoyed that they were interrupting her so when they walked off I mentioned in jest that they were a 'couple of old slags, mutton dressed as lamb, who need to accept they're too old to be going to bars and shouldn't be wearing such ridiculous clothes'.

'That was my Mum and Auntie'.

Probably done stupider things but this is one I particularly remember.

In AS Level Biology we were learning about something or other (I've forgotten it all now, I dropped it after year 12) and our teacher mentioned something about kitten milk. Thinking aloud (always a bad policy) I exclaimed, "Can you milk a kitten?". The answer was of course no, and that he in fact meant milk that was intended to be drunk by the kittens.

Jeffrey Burgin wrote:In AS Level Biology we were learning about something or other (I've forgotten it all now, I dropped it after year 12) and our teacher mentioned something about kitten milk. Thinking aloud (always a bad policy) I exclaimed, "Can you milk a kitten?". The answer was of course no, and that he in fact meant milk that was intended to be drunk by the kittens.

Haha, this should probably be spun off into a separate thread of dumb answers given in school, but I still recall the day in 3rd year Chemistry when we began studying the chemistry of nitrogen.

"Nitrogen compounds are very important in the manufacture of fertilisers," said Mr Rees. "Suppose you wanted to make fertiliser; what do you think you would start off with?"

In the back row, the class dullard, Martin Robinson, stuck his hand up.

"Yes, Martin?" said a surprised and pleased Mr Rees.

"A horse, sir?"

Jeffrey Burgin wrote:Probably done stupider things but this is one I particularly remember.

In AS Level Biology we were learning about something or other (I've forgotten it all now, I dropped it after year 12) and our teacher mentioned something about kitten milk. Thinking aloud (always a bad policy) I exclaimed, "Can you milk a kitten?". The answer was of course no, and that he in fact meant milk that was intended to be drunk by the kittens.

Surely you could just pass that off as a joke?

Had a fourth child.

Come fourth and multiply.

Having lived on this earth for 46 years, I've done some incredibly stupid things, but most would come under the category of TMI.

On the subtopic of stupid things we said at school, though, I remember trying to recount a Peter Cook 'E.L. Wistey' interesting fact in a Biology lesson (something to do with the intestines and tennis courts IIRC). Not confident enough to pass it off a joke, either.

The teacher tried to make me feel better by saying that a pupil at another school, when asked to think of a question for the rest of the class to try and answer, had said "How much money have I got in my bag?"

Jon Corby wrote:

Jeffrey Burgin wrote:Probably done stupider things but this is one I particularly remember.

In AS Level Biology we were learning about something or other (I've forgotten it all now, I dropped it after year 12) and our teacher mentioned something about kitten milk. Thinking aloud (always a bad policy) I exclaimed, "Can you milk a kitten?". The answer was of course no, and that he in fact meant milk that was intended to be drunk by the kittens.

Surely you could just pass that off as a joke?

No, the look of dawning realisation on my face said it all.

Me getting my sayings mixed up and saying, "Not by a long chalk of the imag..." on Countdown the other week was pretty stupid as well.

Julie T wrote:The teacher tried to make me feel better by saying that a pupil at another school, when asked to think of a question for the rest of the class to try and answer, had said "How much money have I got in my bag?"

Derren Brown would have guessed it.

Does it do any damage if you try and start a car with the handbrake on and it stalls?

Gavin Chipper wrote:Does it do any damage if you try and start a car with the handbrake on and it stalls?

In my (wide!) experience it does more damage to start with the handbrake on and it doesn't stall. My record so far is 50km, but YMMV.

I wrote a song about quadratic equations and it failed.

Said I would.

When I was about 6 I walked home from school, in the pouring rain, with my plimsols still on. And hadn't noticed until my mum asked me where my shoes were...

I like the metatextual nature of the last few posts having suffered from fucked up subject lines. Spectacularly stupid indeed!

Metatextual?

Not sure if anyone's already said this, so sorry if this has been said before... It wasn't what I have done, but when I was walking into the shop Poundland, someone was holding a box of tissues at the counter and said to the lady who was at the till, "Excuse me, um, how much are these tissues please? It doesn't say." The funniest thing about this is that they actually seemed serious about it and they didn't know that everything was £1 at Poundland, so I don't think it was a joke or a dare or anything!

Along the same lines of stupidity in shops. Remember those Twist 'n' Squeeze drinks? A woman genuinely asked me "how do you open this?" I replied in the only way possible.

Charlie Reams wrote:I'm sure this isn't the worst but it's the most recent... I flew back from Italy last month, so I diligently arrived at the airport before check-in even started, and made my way to the main part of the airport, Terminal 1. Saw that my flight was leaving from Terminal 2 so felt relaxed because it would obviously be the next one along; hung around saying bye to my friends as they caught various flights, stopped for something to eat, etc etc. Half an hour before check-in closed I thought I better go and pick up my tickets, so I asked a frequent flyer friend which way to go, and he pointed me to the far door, and off I set. Thought it a bit strange that there were no signs for Terminal 2 anywhere, but after wandering for a bit (still relaxed) I asked some member of airport staff where it was, and he explained that it was a fucking 20 minute bus journey away. I mean seriously, who does that? Anyway I still would've made it, except that I then had to wait 15 minutes for said bus. So I finally got the check-in about 3 minutes after it closed to find that a) yes, I'd missed check-in, even though the flight didn't leave for another 45 minutes, so I had to watch my own flight leave from the departure lounge b) I had to pay around £60 to get another one c) it was not departing until 8am the next morning, twelve hours hence.

On the plus side, got to know Terminal 2 of Milan Mapensa airport very intimately.

This isn't the worst?

Oh and I once ate a tablespoonful of Nesquik. Really unpleasant.

Has anyone tried the teaspoon of cinnamon?

Matt Morrison wrote:Has anyone tried the teaspoon of cinnamon?

Yes.

Thomas Carey wrote:

Matt Morrison wrote:Has anyone tried the teaspoon of cinnamon?

Yes.

No but I did eat dry Bisto once, that was awful and put me off gravy for weeks. Still makes me feel sick now.

I was skimming stones on the sea and I saw a nice smooth grey stone and went to pick it up. My hand went through it. It was seagull poo

Adam Gillard wrote:I was skimming stones on the sea and I saw a nice smooth grey stone and went to pick it up. My hand went through it. It was seagull poo

UGHH THATS DISGUSTING! THANKS FOR SHARING THAT WITH US, ADAM(!)

Moving to Milton keynes and taking my ,then, girlfriends nephew as my lodger.
Oh and sending death threats to geeks.

Marc Meakin wrote:Moving to Milton keynes and taking my ,then, girlfriends nephew as my lodger.
Oh and sending death threats to geeks.

Not to mention of stealing a bike from your place of work in full view of security cameras.

I climbed on the roof of a friends house at a house party and did the karate kid crane kick on the chimney while absolutely hammered drunk. How I didn't kill myself is beyond me. I can barely do it on the ground while sober without falling over.

Passing on the message to my sister from my fashion advisor Edward McCullagh that we need to go shopping for shirts.

Clothes shopping = (credit to Ryan for the image)

Liam Tiernan wrote:

Marc Meakin wrote:Moving to Milton keynes and taking my ,then, girlfriends nephew as my lodger.
Oh and sending death threats to geeks.

Not to mention of stealing a bike from your place of work in full view of security cameras.

Let me explain something.
i took a bike with no pedals that had been lying idle for 5 months i took the bike in plain view because in my mind i was not 'stealing' the bike in fact i spent 40 quid getting new tyres and pedals and i gave it away to my girlfriends mentally disabled nephew. however the bike was not abandoned and in the eyes of god (who's he) it was taking without permission and therefore theft.
Anyway YOUR tax payers money will be spent allowing me my day in court (the old bailey, no less) on 31st march, come along and cheer (which way?) i am being accused of burglary and yet i left the £800 pound aluminium frame hybrid bike not chained plus other better and ridable bikes.
Although in a strange irony i have just been a victim of burglary desk top lap top and yes a fucking bike.
MY APPEAL AGAINST MY SACKING IS TODAY SO WISH ME LUCK.

Marc Meakin wrote:Although in a strange irony i have just been a victim of burglary desk top lap top and yes a fucking bike.

Maybe 'in their mind' they weren't stealing it

Good luck in court Meakin.

Also, what the fuck is up with that dickhead commenting on your status on Facebook today? I reported him. How is he your 'friend'?

Matt Morrison wrote:Good luck in court Meakin.

Also, what the fuck is up with that dickhead commenting on your status on Facebook today? I reported him. How is he your 'friend'?

he was a lodger he didnt pay i threw him out and he doesn't like the fact that i have told everyone what a shyster he is.(possibly a dear kettle yours sincerely pot scenario) but i always pays me debts (although i am declaring myself bankrupt) to individuals.
If someone chucks you a lemon...........go up to him and have a quiet word about throwing citrus fruit at strangers.
i want my countdown loving friends at the old bailley, for support
Any sanctum members want to give me a character reference lol

Marc Meakin wrote:MY APPEAL AGAINST MY SACKING IS TODAY SO WISH ME LUCK.

What happened dude?

I am waiting for the sword of Damocles to fall.
i t took a ten minute deliberation to sack me but i have to wait a week or more for the appeal result.

Marc Meakin wrote:Anyway YOUR tax payers money will be spent allowing me my day in court (the old bailey, no less) on 31st march

JUDGEMENT DAY. Do we get live updates from the courtroom?

Also, what was the result of the appeal?

Marc Meakin wrote:Anyway YOUR tax payers money will be spent allowing me my day in court (the old bailey, no less) on 31st march

Mark James and co take note: by getting a job that you don't particularly like you can at least contribute to some worth while causes.