c4countdown

A legitimate question raised by Corbymate, which I think deserves discussion.

How are we defining porn here? I thought 70% of made up statistics about the Internet say that 90% of the Internet is porn. Or something.

Michael Wallace wrote:How are we defining porn here? I thought 70% of made up statistics about the Internet say that 90% of the Internet is porn. Or something.

Yeah, that's the point. There's too much of it, and it's too easy to obtain. The things that would have excited me 10 years ago and I would have happily waited 30 minutes to download on dial-up, I just go "meh" and try and find something different. I'm running out of options that won't send me to prison tbh...

Jon Corby wrote:try and find something different.

If you haven't managed to break your mind looking for 'different' porn, then you're not doing it right.

I think Corby's getting too much credit for being some kind of Pornmeister, considering that that Carol Vorderman clip was from one of those shitty YouTube style porn sites.
No one worth his pornographic salt should be relying on that kind of source. One word: Usenet.

Thinking back to grainy VHS tapes with shit camera angles and 'plots', there's no question for me. The Internet has saved porn.

Matt Morrison wrote:shit camera angles

Scat freak

If this thread is intended to mirror the "has apterous killed Countdown" thread, surely you need to be asking yourselves whether internet porn is helping you improve your technique.

Any volunteers? Any useful hints?

Trekkie Monster's views on this subject are definitive, I'm afraid.

Yes. Most definately. I was wanking over Venus Williams vs Safina the other day when I flicked over briefly to watch that mind-numbingly predictable, would-be octochamp Innis Carson. Stupidly, I forgot to stop wanking and proceeded to climax while Innis solved the 2nd numbers. To make matters worse, the exact moment of climax coincided with a close up of his almost-certainly-autistic and rather unattractive female oponent.

Now whenever I play apterous I see those remarkably Innis-like silhouettes and it instantly triggers a neuro-associative response to the aforementioned incident which causes me to explode in my pants and, rather ironically, miss easy words like SOUTANE and HOPLITES.

So I think we can safely deduce from this that yes, the internet has killed porn.

Matt Morrison wrote:I think Corby's getting too much credit for being some kind of Pornmeister, considering that that Carol Vorderman clip was from one of those shitty YouTube style porn sites.
No one worth his pornographic salt should be relying on that kind of source. One word: Usenet.

Thinking back to grainy VHS tapes with shit camera angles and 'plots', there's no question for me. The Internet has saved porn.

Do we think it's also responsible for the demise of horrifying 1970's style monterous hairy growlers??
!!!

Matthew Green wrote:Yes. Most definately. I was wanking over Venus Williams vs Safina the other day when I flicked over briefly to watch that mind-numbingly predictable, would-be octochamp Innis Carson. Stupidly, I forgot to stop wanking and proceeded to climax while Innis solved the 2nd numbers. To make matters worse, the exact moment of climax coincided with a close up of his almost-certainly-autistic and rather unattractive female oponent.

Now whenever I play apterous I see those remarkably Innis-like silhouettes and it instantly triggers a neuro-associative response to the aforementioned incident which causes me to explode in my pants and, rather ironically, miss easy words like SOUTANE and HOPLITES.

So I think we can safely deduce from this that yes, the internet has killed porn.

If only the camera had remained on Innis.

And the only thing that can be concluded from your anecdote is that autism has killed your sex life.

Phil Reynolds wrote:Trekkie Monster's views on this subject are definitive, I'm afraid.

Very funny, Phil! I didn't think I liked Muppet/Sesame Street type things, but maybe adult versions are enjoyable . . .

Sue Sanders wrote:Do we think it's also responsible for the demise of horrifying 1970's style monterous hairy growlers??
!!!

Don't worry Sue, Ron Jeremy's still working hard!

Derek Hazell wrote:

Phil Reynolds wrote:Trekkie Monster's views on this subject are definitive, I'm afraid.

Very funny, Phil! I didn't think I liked Muppet/Sesame Street type things, but maybe adult versions are enjoyable . . .

The show is still running in the West End and tickets for weekday performances are available for as little as £10. Go see it - I guarantee you won't regret it.

Matthew Green wrote:Yes. Most definately. I was wanking over Venus Williams vs Safina the other day when I flicked over briefly to watch that mind-numbingly predictable, would-be octochamp Innis Carson. Stupidly, I forgot to stop wanking and proceeded to climax while Innis solved the 2nd numbers. To make matters worse, the exact moment of climax coincided with a close up of his almost-certainly-autistic and rather unattractive female oponent.

Now whenever I play apterous I see those remarkably Innis-like silhouettes and it instantly triggers a neuro-associative response to the aforementioned incident which causes me to explode in my pants and, rather ironically, miss easy words like SOUTANE and HOPLITES.

So I think we can safely deduce from this that yes, the internet has killed porn.

Sue Sanders wrote:Do we think it's also responsible for the demise of horrifying 1970's style monterous hairy growlers??
!!!

No, they've just resurfaced as "bears"!

Spoiler alert : may contain pics of naked men!

kevin manthorpe wrote:

Sue Sanders wrote:Do we think it's also responsible for the demise of horrifying 1970's style monterous hairy growlers??
!!!

No, they've just resurfaced as "bears"!

Spoiler alert : may contain pics of naked men!

Thought I better check it out, and yes, indeedy. Naked Men.

David O'Donnell wrote:

Matthew Green wrote:Yes. Most definately. I was wanking over Venus Williams vs Safina the other day when I flicked over briefly to watch that mind-numbingly predictable, would-be octochamp Innis Carson. Stupidly, I forgot to stop wanking and proceeded to climax while Innis solved the 2nd numbers. To make matters worse, the exact moment of climax coincided with a close up of his almost-certainly-autistic and rather unattractive female oponent.

Now whenever I play apterous I see those remarkably Innis-like silhouettes and it instantly triggers a neuro-associative response to the aforementioned incident which causes me to explode in my pants and, rather ironically, miss easy words like SOUTANE and HOPLITES.

So I think we can safely deduce from this that yes, the internet has killed porn.

No more Innis, no more Wimbledon. Can anybody suggest something else for Matthew to wank over?

Sue Sanders wrote:

kevin manthorpe wrote:

Sue Sanders wrote:Do we think it's also responsible for the demise of horrifying 1970's style monsterous hairy growlers??
!!!

No, they've just resurfaced as "bears"!

Spoiler alert : may contain pics of naked men!

Hmmm. It occurs to me - yes, at 5 in the morning - bloody dawn chorus, that you may need a definition of 'growler' here. Whilst the OED plumps for 'a small iceberg', 'a hansom cab' or 'a pail for carrying beer', I was going for the unlisted, endearingly Australian, colloquialism. Obviously a risky seven. Should have stuck with the safe six.....'beaver'.

Right. Now I'm going to shoot that f**king seagull.

Sue Sanders wrote:

David O'Donnell wrote:

Matthew Green wrote:Yes. Most definately. I was wanking over Venus Williams vs Safina the other day when I flicked over briefly to watch that mind-numbingly predictable, would-be octochamp Innis Carson. Stupidly, I forgot to stop wanking and proceeded to climax while Innis solved the 2nd numbers. To make matters worse, the exact moment of climax coincided with a close up of his almost-certainly-autistic and rather unattractive female oponent.

Now whenever I play apterous I see those remarkably Innis-like silhouettes and it instantly triggers a neuro-associative response to the aforementioned incident which causes me to explode in my pants and, rather ironically, miss easy words like SOUTANE and HOPLITES.

So I think we can safely deduce from this that yes, the internet has killed porn.

No more Innis, no more Wimbledon. Can anybody suggest something else for Matthew to wank over?

Your profile pic will have to do for now I suppose

And in saying that I can announce that the internet has not killed porn after all.

No more Innis, no more Wimbledon. Can anybody suggest something else for Matthew to wank over?[/quote]

Your profile pic will have to do for now I suppose

And in saying that I can announce that the internet has not killed porn after all.[/quote]

Blimey, well I'd better follow the example set by Patti Smith on her album covers and make sure my photo's up to the job. New one herewith...........

Well my first comment was only a joke but now youve put this up it would be rude not to. Anymore?

Matthew Green wrote:Well my first comment was only a joke but now youve put this up it would be rude not to. Anymore?

Mais oui, but I'll keep 'em to myself for now. Don't want to turn you into a husk!

Matthew Green wrote:Yes. Most definately. I was wanking over Venus Williams vs Safina the other day when I flicked over briefly to watch that mind-numbingly predictable, would-be octochamp Innis Carson. Stupidly, I forgot to stop wanking and proceeded to climax while Innis solved the 2nd numbers. To make matters worse, the exact moment of climax coincided with a close up of his almost-certainly-autistic and rather unattractive female oponent.

Particularly annoyed/shocked by the autistic reference and made what I thought was a formal complaint, but no idea if it was received or acted on.

John Bosley wrote:

Matthew Green wrote:Yes. Most definately. I was wanking over Venus Williams vs Safina the other day when I flicked over briefly to watch that mind-numbingly predictable, would-be octochamp Innis Carson. Stupidly, I forgot to stop wanking and proceeded to climax while Innis solved the 2nd numbers. To make matters worse, the exact moment of climax coincided with a close up of his almost-certainly-autistic and rather unattractive female oponent.

Particularly annoyed/shocked by the autistic reference and made what I thought was a formal complaint, but no idea if it was received or acted on.

What, exactly, has annoyed or shocked you about it?

John Bosley wrote:

Matthew Green wrote:Yes. Most definately. I was wanking over Venus Williams vs Safina the other day when I flicked over briefly to watch that mind-numbingly predictable, would-be octochamp Innis Carson. Stupidly, I forgot to stop wanking and proceeded to climax while Innis solved the 2nd numbers. To make matters worse, the exact moment of climax coincided with a close up of his almost-certainly-autistic and rather unattractive female oponent.

Particularly annoyed/shocked by the autistic reference and made what I thought was a formal complaint, but no idea if it was received or acted on.

I don't have any way of replying to "formal complaints" directly and I couldn't really see what you were getting at, so I closed it.

Charlie Reams wrote:

John Bosley wrote:

Matthew Green wrote:Yes. Most definately. I was wanking over Venus Williams vs Safina the other day when I flicked over briefly to watch that mind-numbingly predictable, would-be octochamp Innis Carson. Stupidly, I forgot to stop wanking and proceeded to climax while Innis solved the 2nd numbers. To make matters worse, the exact moment of climax coincided with a close up of his almost-certainly-autistic and rather unattractive female oponent.

Particularly annoyed/shocked by the autistic reference and made what I thought was a formal complaint, but no idea if it was received or acted on.

I don't have any way of replying to "formal complaints" directly and I couldn't really see what you were getting at, so I closed it.

I was offended by your spelling of definitely

I am offended that you didn't finish your sentence with a full stop

Still getting my moneys worth out of that pic though.

Matthew Green wrote:I am offended that you didn't finish your sentence with a full stop

Still getting my moneys worth out of that pic though.

That'll be 'money - apostrophe - s' then?

Derek has registered his vote for the original 'grubby girl on the back of a ute' pic. He's quite cerebral Full Stop

Its not easy typing with juust my lef hand you kno

Matthew Green wrote:Its not easy typing with juust my lef hand you kno

Had been thinking of putting my official 'Countdown' photo on the site but in hindsight...that big, brash clock , beating gently and rising to a noisy crescendo....don't know if I'll be able to compete.

Can't you type with your cock? I'm sure you'll have tried!

Sue Sanders wrote:

Matthew Green wrote:Its not easy typing with juust my lef hand you kno

Had been thinking of putting my official 'Countdown' photo on the site but in hindsight...that big, brash clock , beating gently and rising to a noisy crescendo....don't know if I'll be able to compete.

Can't you type with your cock? I'm sure you'll have tried!

Actually, is that a worthy topic for a new thread?

Sue Sanders wrote:

Sue Sanders wrote:

Matthew Green wrote:Its not easy typing with juust my lef hand you kno

Had been thinking of putting my official 'Countdown' photo on the site but in hindsight...that big, brash clock , beating gently and rising to a noisy crescendo....don't know if I'll be able to compete.

Can't you type with your cock? I'm sure you'll have tried!

Actually, is that a worthy topic for a new thread?

Trouble is, the text when I do that is something like this:

thn7y m bniksw7uyj vpserxd m,oz,mfgrvtolol zam,azll.

I need a bigger keyboard I think. And one with a plastic cover over the keys.

Ian Volante wrote:bigger

I'm not fooled.

Ian Volante wrote:thn7y m bniksw7uyj vpserxd m,oz,mfgrvtolol zam,azll.

Actually, is this how Tolkien invented Dwarvish?

Jon O'Neill wrote:

Ian Volante wrote:bigger

I'm not fooled.

Just close your eyes and put out your hands.

Can't you type with your cock? I'm sure you'll have tried![/quote]



Trouble is, the text when I do that is something like this:

thn7y m bniksw7uyj vpserxd m,oz,mfgrvtolol zam,azll.

I need a bigger keyboard I think. And one with a plastic cover over the keys.[/quote]

And yet you can managed commas and a full stop. Have you got a tiny appendage attached for punctuation?

Or have you just got a tiny appendage?

Ha Ha

I think that's enough now. Get a room. (Or at least a PM.)

Charlie Reams wrote:I think that's enough now. Get a room. (Or at least a PM.)

Ah, so the c4c forum has a glass ceiling.

Ho hum

Whatever. I just can't believe that a thread with "porn" in the title is stilll only on the first page.

Maybe it's just a no brainer that if it weren't for porn, the internet would be dead. (see Phil's post above)

Sue Sanders wrote:

Charlie Reams wrote:I think that's enough now. Get a room. (Or at least a PM.)

Ah, so the c4c forum has a glass ceiling.

Ho hum

Umm, what?

Silly me. All on my own here and not realising that it is OK to insult, take the piss out of anyone who is or might be suffering from autism.

It looks as if 'orty' is the new 'spas'.

John Bosley wrote:Silly me. All on my own here and not realising that it is OK to insult, take the piss out of anyone who is or might be suffering from autism.

Well you never did get back to us in response to

Jon O'Neill wrote:

John Bosley wrote:Particularly annoyed/shocked by the autistic reference...

What, exactly, has annoyed or shocked you about it?

Charlie Reams wrote:

Sue Sanders wrote:

Charlie Reams wrote:I think that's enough now. Get a room. (Or at least a PM.)

Ah, so the c4c forum has a glass ceiling.

Ho hum

Umm, what?

Well, I'm taking it that I'm being told to tone it down - and wondered whether you would move to do so if I was a bloke?

HOWEVER - I'm not one of those women who assumes all men to be chauvinists so.....if I made that assumption wrongly, forgive me. It could just be that I'm new and I should be easing in more gently (ooh err) or it could be that your suggestion was just teasing (in which case - I'm a big fan of emoticons as I don't really do 'perceptive')

Perhaps a better question is "how is there still a porn industry?"

Sue Sanders wrote:

Charlie Reams wrote:I think that's enough now. Get a room. (Or at least a PM.)

Well, I'm taking it that I'm being told to tone it down

To my mind, that's as far from what Charlie meant as it's possible to get :p

As for punctuation, that's done by the big wart on the side. Like my granny's thumb it is.

John Bosley wrote:It looks as if 'orty' is the new 'spas'.

Maybe. But I'd never heard it until you just said it.

Dwarf porn is the new porn.

Sue Sanders wrote:Well, I'm taking it that I'm being told to tone it down - and wondered whether you would move to do so if I was a bloke?

HOWEVER - I'm not one of those women who assumes all men to be chauvinists so.....if I made that assumption wrongly, forgive me. It could just be that I'm new and I should be easing in more gently (ooh err) or it could be that your suggestion was just teasing (in which case - I'm a big fan of emoticons as I don't really do 'perceptive')

The phrase "get a room" means "have this discussion somewhere else", not "shut up you mangy whore" as you seem to have understood it, and was addressed to both you and Matt, since it was getting a bit tedious. Sorry for saying it in a roundabout kind of way, I do that rather a lot. Anyway you can continue to flirt in here if you like, but it was getting kind of boring for me.

John Bosley wrote:Silly me. All on my own here and not realising that it is OK to insult, take the piss out of anyone who is or might be suffering from autism.

It looks as if 'orty' is the new 'spas'.

Yes, a straight answer rather than a sarcastic one might be useful at this point. Matt Green said someone was probably autistic, and they probably were. He didn't draw any negative conclusion from that. What's the big deal? Are you the kind of person who gets upset when Ainslee Harriet is described as black? We have plenty of autistic users. Oh, you didn't notice because they blend in just fine? I guess that undermines your point a bit. I've been "accused" of being one myself often enough, and even if it were true (no idea) it's not something that I would be offended by, any more than Phil Reynolds accusing me of being a bit short (mea culpa). I've socialised with many autistics in my lifetime and you won't find many communities more accommodating, or just plain less bothered about it, than this one. I have also never heard the word 'orty' before.

Thank you Charlie. Yes, if someone with no knowledge of tennis had come into the room while I was wanking over the Williams-Safina match, once theyd got over the initial shock, they might ask which one was Venus. It would be rather silly of me to say that she was 'the taller one with the more powerful serve and the more prominent jawline' when I could just say 'the black one'. Is that racist? No, just efficient.

So when I use 3 prominent adjectives in unattractive, female and autistic, it lets everyone know which Innis match I am referring to.

Plus I cant believe you used the word 'orty', thats despicable.

Matthew Green wrote:Thank you Charlie. Yes, if someone with no knowledge of tennis had come into the room while I was wanking over the Williams-Safina match, once theyd got over the initial shock, they might ask which one was Venus. It would be rather silly of me to say that she was 'the taller one with the more powerful serve and the more prominent jawline' when I could just say 'the black one'. Is that racist? No, just efficient.

As long as she wasn't playing a Native American Indian, that'd just be confusing.

Charlie Reams wrote:

Matthew Green wrote:Thank you Charlie. Yes, if someone with no knowledge of tennis had come into the room while I was wanking over the Williams-Safina match, once theyd got over the initial shock, they might ask which one was Venus. It would be rather silly of me to say that she was 'the taller one with the more powerful serve and the more prominent jawline' when I could just say 'the black one'. Is that racist? No, just efficient.

As long as she wasn't playing a Native American Indian, that'd just be confusing.

Only if you are Julie T, surely

[/quote]
The phrase "get a room" means "have this discussion somewhere else", not "shut up you mangy whore" as you seem to have understood it, and was addressed to both you and Matt, since it was getting a bit tedious. Sorry for saying it in a roundabout kind of way, I do that rather a lot. Anyway you can continue to flirt in here if you like, but it was getting kind of boring for me.


Ah, ok - now I know where the bar is set.

Or you could try a method known as scan reading.