Ode to the Countdown Finalists - Series 60

[Philip Jarvis]

The Quarter Finals kick off with the legendary Kirk Bevins,
Will he plunge to the depths, or soar to the heavens?
Will the number one seed hit the latest headlines?
By unscrambling the letters into eights and nines,
Or by round eleven, will he be all sixes and sevens?

Kirk’s opponent today is the lovely Julie Russell,
As the underdog, will her tactics be to hustle and bustle?
In order to win, will she go to any lengths?
Focussing on playing to her own undoubted strengths,
Just who has the muscle, to win this great tussle?

Day 2 of the contest sees smiling Cate Henderson,
To achieve a win today very much depends upon,
Whether she can manage to maintain her early promise,
But the answer that we all really want to know is,
Did Cate really engender fun, with lacy black suspenders on?

Good old Hamish Williamson, now there’s a wily Scot,
He burst onto the scene in April, to win his new teapot,
With a giant debut score, that had never been seen before,
He posted a record total, of one hundred and thirty four,
A nine today may be difficult to spot, but I’m sure he’ll give it his very best shot.

It’s round 3 of the Countdown quarter final games,
Today’s crucial match, is Jimmy versus James,
They could be described as a “Vagabond” pair,
But their talent is not shoddy, more a debonair flair,
To lose will be no shame, but winning’s the claim to fame.

The number 3 seed is young Jimmy Gough,
Can he cope with the pressure or will he now cough?
Perhaps Jimmy is already happy with his lot,
Having declared “I only came here, for a Countdown teapot”,
But will this prize be enough, or will he get rough and tough before doing his stuff?

Up against him will be the Irish lad, cheeky James Doohan,
He certainly seems to know exactly what he’s doing,
He once kissed the Blarney Stone to bring himself luck,
And hopes that during the game, he won’t get stuck,
Will success have viewers drooling, or will failure be his ruin?

Round 4 and it’s Mr Roberts, more commonly known as Shane,
The tension is now building up, but will he feel the strain?
Whether he’s flushed with success or all washed up, I haven’t got a clue,
But I’m confident that, after the game, he’ll manage to sink a few,
Will he go on to win again, or will all his efforts go down the drain?

Up against him today is the unflappable Neil Zussman,
Alas, any hopes of a rhyme went straight in the dustpan,
Unlike some previous contestants, Neil is an extremely modest Joe,
So when his parents booked a limousine, for after the show,
He said “It’s OK, I’ll take the bus mam – why all the fuss man?”

Today is the first semi final, with Kirk up against Neil,
They remained neck and neck, both having nerves of steel,
There were cries from Jeff that “The champ’s here!”
When Kirk hit the button to “ECLAMPSIA”,
Although both played with passion and zeal, Kirk proved that he’s the real deal.

Hamish slowly reclined into his chair, at a 45 degree angle,
His wild and pure white hair, was all in a tangle,
Young Jimmy tried to remain cool,
As he waited for the duel,
Just who will win the wrangle, in the final sector of this quadrangle?

And so we’ve reached the Final, with Jimmy playing Kirk,
Today is a massive challenge, that neither will want to shirk,
It’s Gough versus the Kirkulator,
Is the prize a teapot or a percolator?
Both have put in a lot of hard work, now let battle commence between the Young Turks.

After 4 months of competition, the Countdown Championship has been won,
The victor soared through each round, like Icarus rising to the sun,
He aimed for the stars, and hit the high heavens,
The winner ladies and gentlemen, is the venerable Kirk Bevins,
Having rarely missed the ton, he truly is the Special One.

Like a Gladiator going into the lion’s den,
He slew each challenger with a sweep of his pen,
A master of diction and calculus,
All hail Maximus Kirkulus!
Scoring ten out of ten, he’s a Centurion amongst men.

Some say he is a hero, the king of Series Six-Zero,
Some say he was a lucky sod, whilst others think he’s God,
Some say he can’t be human, but haven’t got the proof,
Whichever way you look at it, you can’t deny the truth,
Today Kirk gets to wear the crown, as the Champion of Countdown.

[Jon Corby]

You might want to stick this in Spoilers instead mate...

[Philip Jarvis]

You might want to stick this in Spoilers instead mate...

Jon - There are plenty of other Series 60 Final threads under General, so why does this not deserve its own thread?

If I slapped it under Spoilers it would have just got lost. The "Ode" is a celebration of the achievements of 8 outstanding players who got through to the quarter finals. I don't want it to get lost inside Spoilers which, essentially, is there to be viewed in relation to the contestants / letters / numbers / etc for each individual day.

[Michael Wallace]

You might want to stick this in Spoilers instead mate...

Jon - There are plenty of other Series 60 Final threads under General, so why does this not deserve its own thread?

If I slapped it under Spoilers it would have just got lost. The "Ode" is a celebration of the achievements of 8 outstanding players who got through to the quarter finals. I don't want it to get lost inside Spoilers which, essentially, is there to be viewed in relation to the contestants / letters / numbers / etc for each individual day.

Err, I don't see 'plenty' of other threads that spoiler the outcome of the final. If it means that much to you, stick it in spoilers and then ask someone to move it once the dust has settled.

[Ben Wilson]

Duly moved (though I've left a 'shadow' in general).

[Jon Corby]

Duly moved (though I've left a 'shadow' in general).

Well done Ben.

Philip, I wasn't trying to deny your poetry an audience, (as Michael said) it contained the ultimate spoiler!

[Philip Jarvis]

Ahh! It's suddenly clicked. I just assumed anybody coming onto the forum would already know the result.

Perhaps it's a symptom that the grey matter of an old 'un is not quite up to scratch.

Sorry!!

[Jon Corby]

Ahh! It's suddenly clicked. I just assumed anybody coming onto the forum would already know the result.

Perhaps it's a symptom that the grey matter of an old 'un is not quite up to scratch.

Sorry!!

No worries. You're right that it's a bit dangerous to even come into the forum at all if you don't want to know anything, and I deliberately avoided it today until I'd watched the show what with it being the final and all. Normally however, I'm at work until at least 5pm, and sometimes I'll get a few days behing, and it is slightly irksome when spoilers get posted outside of the spoiler thread. Hopefully no harm done in this particular instance!

[Ian Volante]

Ahh! It's suddenly clicked. I just assumed anybody coming onto the forum would already know the result.

Perhaps it's a symptom that the grey matter of an old 'un is not quite up to scratch.

Sorry!!

I came into the forum just now before I found out the result, not through this thread though, so you're lucky

[Matthew Green]

You twat. I've been locked in my cellar for the last 6 months being routinely raped by my Dad. After finally escaping Shawshank style, I booked myself into a Travelodge just outside of Salzburg and prepared myself to watch the entire series 60 on Austrian On-Demand.

I came on the countdown website and purposefully ignored the spoilers section and instead decided to indulge myself in some banal poetry in the General section instead as I waited for the channel 4 adverts to finish on On-Demand. Imagine my disgust when the aforementioned poetry contained such horrific spoilers and ruined the one thing I had looked forward to whilst being raped to within an inch of my life by the man I idolised as a child.

Shame on you Jarvis.

[Ben Hunter]

I like how this thread is still linked from the Countdown - General forum with nothing to indicate that it's a spoiler, making it as though the thread never left Countdown - General at all.

[Matt Morrison]

I like how this thread is still linked from the Countdown - General forum with nothing to indicate that it's a spoiler, making it as though the thread never left Countdown - General at all.

You're damn right. Very silly indeed.