Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
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Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Countdown favourite Tim Vine won the best joke at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival during the weekend.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-11053202
But did "The Joke Machine Gun"'s joke deserve to win
Here are the contenders:
1. Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
2. David Gibson - "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."
3. Emo Philips - "I picked up a hitchhiker. You've got to when you hit them."
4. Jack Whitehall - "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."
5. Gary Delaney - "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."
6. John Bishop - "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."
7. Bo Burnham - "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."
8. Gary Delaney - "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."
9. Robert White - "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: Empty."
10. Gareth Richards - "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"
Enjoy.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-11053202
But did "The Joke Machine Gun"'s joke deserve to win
Here are the contenders:
1. Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
2. David Gibson - "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."
3. Emo Philips - "I picked up a hitchhiker. You've got to when you hit them."
4. Jack Whitehall - "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."
5. Gary Delaney - "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."
6. John Bishop - "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."
7. Bo Burnham - "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."
8. Gary Delaney - "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."
9. Robert White - "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: Empty."
10. Gareth Richards - "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"
Enjoy.
Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Made me smile as an opening for something more... why wouldn't Tim go on that holiday again? I'm not sure if it's because the weather was bad, or maybe he didn't like the hotel? Or perhaps he just thinks it was so good that he couldn't possibly top it? Tell us, tell us!Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Double-like.Jon Corby wrote:Made me smile as an opening for something more... why wouldn't Tim go on that holiday again? I'm not sure if it's because the weather was bad, or maybe he didn't like the hotel? Or perhaps he just thinks it was so good that he couldn't possibly top it? Tell us, tell us!Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
No, that's quite good I think. It's pretty fucking hard to put a fresh twist on chicken jokes, and (as I haven't heard it before, although I get the feeling it MUST have been around a while) that does it for me.David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Tim Vine's is not as good as Emo Philips's's, but I don't have time to give my reasons as we're off to a Chinese supermarket.
Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Is it okay to eat the chicken if it committed suicide?Matt Morrison wrote:No, that's quite good I think. It's pretty fucking hard to put a fresh twist on chicken jokes, and (as I haven't heard it before, although I get the feeling it MUST have been around a while) that does it for me.David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
ARRRRRGHHHH!Jon Corby wrote:Is it okay to eat the chicken if it committed suicide?Matt Morrison wrote:No, that's quite good I think. It's pretty fucking hard to put a fresh twist on chicken jokes, and (as I haven't heard it before, although I get the feeling it MUST have been around a while) that does it for me.David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
I don't care if you fuck the chicken.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
You know those beautiful moments when everything in your life suddenly makes perfect sense? I just had one of those.Jon Corby wrote:Made me smile as an opening for something more... why wouldn't Tim go on that holiday again? I'm not sure if it's because the weather was bad, or maybe he didn't like the hotel? Or perhaps he just thinks it was so good that he couldn't possibly top it? Tell us, tell us!Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Not if it took a cyanide pill.Jon Corby wrote:Is it okay to eat the chicken if it committed suicide?Matt Morrison wrote:No, that's quite good I think. It's pretty fucking hard to put a fresh twist on chicken jokes, and (as I haven't heard it before, although I get the feeling it MUST have been around a while) that does it for me.David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Like an epiphany or do you mean something else?Charlie Reams wrote: You know those beautiful moments when everything in your life suddenly makes perfect sense? I just had one of those.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Yes, exactly that.David O'Donnell wrote:Like an epiphany or do you mean something else?Charlie Reams wrote: You know those beautiful moments when everything in your life suddenly makes perfect sense? I just had one of those.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Exactly an epiphany or exactly something else?Charlie Reams wrote:Yes, exactly that.David O'Donnell wrote:Like an epiphany or do you mean something else?Charlie Reams wrote: You know those beautiful moments when everything in your life suddenly makes perfect sense? I just had one of those.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
I thought it was good too.David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".
Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".
However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".
However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
It is a shit pun for sure.Gavin Chipper wrote: ↑Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:41 pm I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".
Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".
However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
( It must be shit if I think it is.)
I can think of a few jokes on the shortlist funnier.
1 ) Someone threw herbs in my eyes and left me parsley sighted.
2) I hope the person who stole my anti depressants is happy now
3) After many years of searching for a doppelganger , my brother finally foiund one.
He's beside himself
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
I was really surprised when this won. The winners of this are always shit puns but I saw him interviewed on something and he has much better lines than that one. I liked "I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died…which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine".Gavin Chipper wrote: ↑Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:41 pm I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".
Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".
However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
I am guessing this was voted for by the public.
This really is the boaty mcboatface of funny jokes
This really is the boaty mcboatface of funny jokes
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
"Trod" contributed way more to my laughter over this joke than it should have.JimBentley wrote: ↑Fri Aug 23, 2019 3:03 pm"I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died…which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine".
I'm not dead yet. In a rut right now because of stress from work. I'll be back later in S89. I also plan to bring back the Mastergram - if I can find a way to run a timer or clock through pure MediaWiki without having to upload to Vimeo every time.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
I don't think it was the public. I think it was some committee.Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Fri Aug 23, 2019 3:34 pm I am guessing this was voted for by the public.
This really is the boaty mcboatface of funny jokes
Actually from my original link:
Some wasters then.The goal of finding the wittiest one-liners fell to an expert panel of 10 judges, comprising the UK's leading comedy critics.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
AnotherGavin Chipper wrote: ↑Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:41 pm I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".
Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".
However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
pretty lame joke winning the award.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
1. Ipswich Town FCCallum Todd wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 10:15 amAnotherGavin Chipper wrote: ↑Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:41 pm I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".
Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".
However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
pretty lame joke winning the award.
2. Nicola Sturgeon
3. Cressida Dick (who certainly lived up to her name)
Are my 3 favourite jokes
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Yeah, it's awful isn't it? The fact that he had to set it up with "female guard" makes it so clunky and awkward. In any case just a bad pun and one of millions that exist out there.Callum Todd wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 10:15 amAnotherGavin Chipper wrote: ↑Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:41 pm I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".
Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".
However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
pretty lame joke winning the award.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
I preferred the Jerry Sadowitz one
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
I see an Aussie (Campbell) won the Edinburgh Comedy award.
(formally The Perrier) one of his jokes I liked was. I Used to play for the Wallabies.
Took my flute down the animal sanctuary.
(formally The Perrier) one of his jokes I liked was. I Used to play for the Wallabies.
Took my flute down the animal sanctuary.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Favourite joke this week
A, friend of mine was feeling low when her pet died so I gave her a hug and whispered "Plethora"
She replied " Thanks, it means a lot"
A, friend of mine was feeling low when her pet died so I gave her a hug and whispered "Plethora"
She replied " Thanks, it means a lot"
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
It's a terrible joke.
Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Jokes tend to be less enjoyable when you have to message your mates asking them to explain it
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
I though a highbrow joke might have worked better here
When I posted it on my timeline only a couple of English teachers ha-haed it.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Sometimes a joke can be so highbrow it goes over one's head.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Fwiw I enjoyed the plethora joke.
Mark Deeks wrote:Callum Todd looks like a young Ted Bundy.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
A joke with an intelligence quotient thrown in
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
OK Highbrow pop music joke : some earworms last 7 hours and 15 days.
Lowbrow pop music joke : My missus asked me if I will refrain from singing Oasis lyrics.
I said Maybe
Lowbrow pop music joke : My missus asked me if I will refrain from singing Oasis lyrics.
I said Maybe
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
This weeks :
I was watching TV and my daughter asked my the difference between ignorance and apathy.
"I don't know and I don't care" was my reply
I was watching TV and my daughter asked my the difference between ignorance and apathy.
"I don't know and I don't care" was my reply
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
This week's favourite joke:
I made a ventriloquist doll out of some old bits of carpet.
Its ruggish
I made a ventriloquist doll out of some old bits of carpet.
Its ruggish
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
That's genuinely a crap joke.Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Fri Feb 10, 2023 8:45 am This week's favourite joke:
I made a ventriloquist doll out of some old bits of carpet.
Its ruggish
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Jokes are subjective for sureElliott Mellor wrote: ↑Fri Feb 10, 2023 9:31 pmThat's genuinely a crap joke.Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Fri Feb 10, 2023 8:45 am This week's favourite joke:
I made a ventriloquist doll out of some old bits of carpet.
Its ruggish
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
It looks like you made that joke out of some old bits of carpet.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Maybe I need Tim Vine's deliveryGavin Chipper wrote: ↑Sat Feb 11, 2023 3:35 pm It looks like you made that joke out of some old bits of carpet.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
When I asked my brother if he was still determined to be a ventriloquist, he was tight lipped about it
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
I told my daughter she'd pencilled her eyebrows too high up.
She looked surprised.
She looked surprised.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
When my friend questioned me as to why I'm worried about going on a date with a vegan.
I said I'd never been with herbivore.
I said I'd never been with herbivore.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Since the Epstein papers release, I see Stephen Hawking's big bang theory is trending on social media
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
You need to explain this to the likes of me.Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Fri Jan 05, 2024 4:14 am Since the Epstein papers release, I see Stephen Hawking's big bang theory is trending on social media
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
I enjoyed this more on a second viewing.Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Fri Feb 10, 2023 8:45 am This week's favourite joke:
I made a ventriloquist doll out of some old bits of carpet.
Its ruggish
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Its not rocket scienceIan Volante wrote: ↑Sat Jan 06, 2024 6:16 pmYou need to explain this to the likes of me.Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Fri Jan 05, 2024 4:14 am Since the Epstein papers release, I see Stephen Hawking's big bang theory is trending on social media
Though on reflexion it's not that funny neither.
Aparrently Bruce Willis is in th papers, though he has nothing to say about it
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
Ah, as an astrophysicist (ish), I don't associate Hawking with rockets...Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Sat Jan 06, 2024 7:39 pmIts not rocket scienceIan Volante wrote: ↑Sat Jan 06, 2024 6:16 pmYou need to explain this to the likes of me.Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Fri Jan 05, 2024 4:14 am Since the Epstein papers release, I see Stephen Hawking's big bang theory is trending on social media
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?
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