That crazy English language

[Derek Hazell]

I first received this in an e-mail more than 7 years ago, but it stuck in my mind. I know we don't like chain-e-mail-type-things here, but this is about the English language, so thought I should put it here anyway.

English is a crazy language...

THIS is cute, I think... Why English is difficult to learn

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the row of oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to tests on the subject.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Lets face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor
pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or
French fries in France.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea
pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

Sometimes, I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane.

What other reason could there be for saying that people recite at a
play and play at a recital? Or, ship cargo by truck and send cargo by
ship?

Or, have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance
and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are
opposites?

How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and
quite a few are alike?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race which, of course, isn't a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch,
I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

Lewis Brackett

[Kieran Child]

Southern library-goers like reading in Reading.

[Sue Sanders]

The snake went to Slough to slough its skin.

[Michael Wallace]

I once ate a sandwich in Sandwich.

[Sue Sanders]

Did you buy some ham in Ham?

[Michael Wallace]

Don't be ridiculous. I'm a vegetarian.

There's a place called Quorn in Loughborough, though, so that's on my list.

[Sue Sanders]

Don't be ridiculous. I'm a vegetarian.

There's a place called Quorn in Loughborough, though, so that's on my list.

Or if you're an Aussie - Looga Burooga.

[Ian Volante]

An heir measured an are in the air in Ayr.

[Kieran Child]

^ Ere, an heir e'er measured an are in the air in Ayr

[Derek Hazell]

Strange that Susie should be doing chats on same words/opposite meanings and palindromes just as we have threads for both going.