Countdown Big Brother

Douglas Wilson · Post by **Douglas Wilson** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:19 pm

I am running a Big Brother style reality show with Countdown contestants and lovers, there will be nominations, evictions and tasks.

PM or reply to this topic if you would like to be considered.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:26 pm

Douglas Wilson wrote:I am running a Big Brother style reality show with Countdown contestants and lovers, there will be nominations, evictions and tasks.

PM or reply to this topic if you would like to be considered.

Derek will need to be in there for the tasks

Douglas Wilson · Post by **Douglas Wilson** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:27 pm

Can I count you in Sue?

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:49 pm

Douglas Wilson wrote:Can I count you in Sue?

Yeah, cos someone has to punch Derek when he fucks up!

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:50 pm

Do you think, by the time we all come out, our cycles will have synchronised?

Douglas Wilson · Post by **Douglas Wilson** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:52 pm

Well since you were the first to confirm then you are definitely in Sue and will be imune from eviction for the first one.

Keep the applications coming by PM or replying to this, looking for between 6-8 contestents plus a few standbys.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:54 pm

Douglas Wilson wrote:Well since you were the first to confirm then you are definitely in Sue and will be imune from eviction for the first one.

Keep the applications coming by PM or replying to this, looking for between 6-8 contestents plus a few standbys.

Brilliant!!

Derek Hazell · Post by **Derek Hazell** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 7:05 pm

I believe the Conservative campaigner Derek Laud was one of the more well-known contestants in Big Brother, so my being someone who has never watched or had the slightest interest in the show, I can only assume you mean him and not me.

Either that, or you are suggesting that as I cannot play Countdown, I would be forever doing "tasks"; which is another good reason for me not to become involved.

Anyway, it will probably clash with one of your series winner's events, which I have already committed to.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 7:09 pm

Derek Hazell wrote:I believe the Conservative campaigner Derek Laud was one of the more well-known contestants in Big Brother, so my being someone who has never watched or had the slightest interest in the show, I can only assume you mean him and not me.

Either that, or you are suggesting that as I cannot play Countdown, I would be forever doing "tasks"; which is another good reason for me not to become involved.

Anyway, it will probably clash with one of your series winner's events, which I have already committed to.

I guessed you'd have only got hairs on the couch and dug holes in the garden

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 7:27 pm

Douglas Wilson wrote:I am running a Big Brother style reality show with Countdown contestants and lovers

I thought we'd established that people who are good at Countdown tend not to have lovers?

Douglas Wilson · Post by **Douglas Wilson** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 7:38 pm

Phil Reynolds wrote:
Douglas Wilson wrote:I am running a Big Brother style reality show with Countdown contestants and lovers
I thought we'd established that people who are good at Countdown tend not to have lovers?

Hillarious, do you want to be involved?

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 7:47 pm

I already told Douglas it's a done deal, so please expect to take me into consideration.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 7:55 pm

Phil Reynolds wrote:
Douglas Wilson wrote:I am running a Big Brother style reality show with Countdown contestants and lovers
I thought we'd established that people who are good at Countdown tend not to have lovers?

By 'people' I'll assume you mean heterosexual men.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 8:11 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:I already told Douglas it's a done deal, so please expect to take me into consideration.

You'll certainly be able to do the night shift!!

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:07 pm

Thank you, Sue!

Matthew Green · Post by **Matthew Green** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:10 pm

I'm in, as long as I can pass names around on pieces of paper and say the word 'nigger'.

Douglas Wilson · Post by **Douglas Wilson** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:21 pm

So far we have:

Kirk Bevins
Matthew Green
Jason Larsen
Sue Saunders

Looking for 2-4 more and we'l get this going.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:42 pm

Douglas Wilson wrote:So far we have:

Kirk Bevins
Matthew Green
Jason Larsen
Sue Saunders

Looking for 2-4 more and we'l get this going.

I'm looking forward to meeting Sue Saunders....I'm Sue Sanders!

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:45 pm

Matthew.

Matthew Green · Post by **Matthew Green** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:47 pm

Douglas Wilson wrote:So far we have:

Kirk Bevins
Matthew Green
Jason Larsen
Sue Saunders

Looking for 2-4 more and we'l get this going.

I think its already perfect.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:50 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:Matthew.

Is that the start of a one word story, Jace?

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:52 pm

Matthew Green wrote:
Douglas Wilson wrote:So far we have:

Kirk Bevins
Matthew Green
Jason Larsen
Sue Saunders

Looking for 2-4 more and we'l get this going.
I think its already perfect.

Am I going to be EXHAUSTED????

(You know, all the washing up and stuff?)

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:55 pm

Saying slurs of any kind is not nice.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:19 am

Jason Larsen wrote:Saying slurs of any kind is not nice.

Well, that's an interesting topic really, Jason, and it gets debated a lot, because it CAN be argued that comedy shouldn't be censored and if something is funny, and is in context then anything goes. I laughed at what Matthew said and know that it has nothing to do with trying to make a slur. Words or sentiments that you wouldn't express by, for example shouting them out at someone in the street, if used in other ways, express that you don't see a minority group as so downtrodden that they need protecting in some way. For every person who is offended by a word, I personally think you'll find someone, from that minority, who specifically won't be offended. You are a regular on this forum, Jason, so know that people make jokes, swear, curse each other - it doesn't mean they harbour any ugly thoughts. If we started guarding our language so as not to offend you, for example you might feel it should be up to you to decide what does and doesn't offend you, not us.

Well, that's just my thoughts anyway. Matthew isn't a bad person because of what he says. But he is FUNNY

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:43 am

I was thinking about people like Outkast, Sue.

Matthew Green · Post by **Matthew Green** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:04 am

Have we already started then?

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:11 am

Sue Sanders wrote:If we started guarding our language so as not to offend you, for example you might feel it should be up to you to decide what does and doesn't offend you, not us.

I'm pretty sure that is indeed the case.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:14 am

Jason Larsen wrote:I was thinking about people like Outkast, Sue.

WHAT????????

Ok, I give up, Jason. You are King of your own planet.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:15 am

Charlie Reams wrote:
Sue Sanders wrote:If we started guarding our language so as not to offend you, for example you might feel it should be up to you to decide what does and doesn't offend you, not us.
I'm pretty sure that is indeed the case.

Oh yeh, and, point taken Charlie

Matthew Green · Post by **Matthew Green** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:18 am

This is great.

Is Charlie the voice of BB? He should be.

Matthew Green · Post by **Matthew Green** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:42 am

Jason Larsen wrote:I was thinking about people like Outkast, Sue.

I vote Jason to win.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:57 am

Matthew Green wrote:
Jason Larsen wrote:I was thinking about people like Outkast, Sue.
I vote Jason to win.

I predict Kirk to be the first one to get nekkid

Matthew Green · Post by **Matthew Green** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 9:09 am

I'm already naked, watching Jason in the shower whilst eating Kirk's Cornflakes.

Oliver Garner · Post by **Oliver Garner** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 10:17 am

Matthew Green wrote:This is great.

Is Charlie the voice of BB? He should be.

No, Hamish should.

Lesley Hines · Post by **Lesley Hines** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 11:25 am

Oliver Garner wrote:
Matthew Green wrote:This is great.

Is Charlie the voice of BB? He should be.
No, Hamish should.

Is Hamish a Geordie nob, then?

Oliver Garner · Post by **Oliver Garner** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 11:34 am

Lesley Hines wrote:
Oliver Garner wrote:
Matthew Green wrote:This is great.

Is Charlie the voice of BB? He should be.
No, Hamish should.
Is Hamish a Geordie nob, then?

No, I'm just saying he would give life to the job.
Knew it could be open to misinterpretation though.

Like Phil said below, he should be big brother as well.

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 11:42 am

Lesley Hines wrote:
Oliver Garner wrote:
Matthew Green wrote:Is Charlie the voice of BB? He should be.
No, Hamish should.
Is Hamish a Geordie nob, then?

I think you're confusing the voice of Big Brother with the narrator of the TV shows.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 12:08 pm

Come into the house with us, Phil!

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:23 pm

That's Big Boi and Dre, the R&B group, Sue.

Just because Big Boi raps about having his hands on his "rooster crow" doesn't mean they shouldn't like their song called, "The Whole World!"

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:46 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:That's Big Boi and Dre, the R&B group, Sue.

Just because Big Boi raps about having his hands on his "rooster crow" doesn't mean they shouldn't like their song called, "The Whole World!"

But what's it got to do with ..................anything?

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:47 pm

Sue Sanders wrote:
Jason Larsen wrote:That's Big Boi and Dre, the R&B group, Sue.

Just because Big Boi raps about having his hands on his "rooster crow" doesn't mean they shouldn't like their song called, "The Whole World!"
But what's it got to do with ..................anything?

Though I'll tell you something - I remember when 'R & B' meant proper Rhythm and Blues, not this shit that gets turned out under. for some bizarre reason, the same acronym.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:53 pm

But finally it could slightly teeter and end up as the reverse side of the title board. Horizon.

Doug, In view of the fact that Matt's post (above) from the thread 'What's the Difference', is a series of words I can define, but not a sentence I understand - will I be allow to run into the diary room to get advice from Big Brother when I don't know what the fuck he's on about? (I know I can't expect the same service with ref to Jason!!!)

Only kidding Jace.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 1:57 pm

Outkast are a good group even though they swear, Sue.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 2:14 pm

Other good things that swear:

Quentin Tarantino films
Much in the way of decent music, from Nine Inch Nails to Aesop Rock via Richard Cheese
A great deal of quality TV dramas such as The Wire, The Shield, Oz, etc.

A few awful things that don't swear:

Loose Women
Lots of cheesy mainstream dramas that pertain to be 'gritty' but aren't, like Heroes
Jonathon Ansell

I hope this helps.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 2:16 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:Outkast are a good group even though they swear, Sue.

I really really do like Hey Yeah (is it called?) I will download it as soon as I learn how - but Jason, that's funny that you think I might not like them because they swear!!! I grew up in the era of punk and New Wave!! I had (still have on vinyl, but on CD too now) an album by a band called Ian Dury and The Blockheads. I had to turn the volume down for the track that started 'Arseholes, Bastards, Fucking Cunts and Pricks' . As for the Stranglers, 'Bring on the Nubiles' -I could only play it when Mum and Dad were out. Language in R&B doesn't offend me, I just can't relate to the sound, the beat. It doesn't agree with my brain's chemistry. Same with monotonous disco beats and the same with that pained warbling done by the likes of Whitney Houston. Phew - Is this just what Doug wanted when he muted the BB House idea??

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 2:39 pm

Also, Outkast R&B? Does that term have no meaning any more?

David Williams · Post by **David Williams** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 4:01 pm

Sue Sanders wrote:Is this just what Doug wanted when he muted the BB House idea??

Best idea yet.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:19 pm

Matt, how can you not like Jonathan Ansell? He has been a Dictionary Corner guest on Countdown!

So, Sue, you were born in the '70s, but you do like "Hey Ya," (that's what it's called, "Hey Yeah" is what everybody said when Michael Grade quit at ITV!

I just had to mention that political correctness issue. I've always been a stickler for that ever since I've matured.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:51 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:Matt, how can you not like Jonathan Ansell? He has been a Dictionary Corner guest on Countdown!

So, Sue, you were born in the '70s, but you do like "Hey Ya," (that's what it's called, "Hey Yeah" is what everybody said when Michael Grade quit at ITV!

I just had to mention that political correctness issue. I've always been a stickler for that ever since I've matured.

Born in 1964 actually, Jace. Punk/New Wave happened in the mid-70's.

Ben Hunter · Post by **Ben Hunter** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 9:42 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:"Hey Yeah" is what everybody said when Michael Grade quit at ITV!

I do remember saying that.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu Aug 20, 2009 10:58 pm

Sue, I'm sorry I got my years mixed up!

Ben, right, saying "Hey Yeah" is a lot better than saying "Hey Nay!"

Douglas Wilson · Post by **Douglas Wilson** » Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:35 am

Due to unforseen circumstances I won't be able to run this, feel free to let someone else take over.

Derek Hazell · Post by **Derek Hazell** » Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:21 am

Thank God I didn't get involved in this. What a piss-taking time-waster this guy is.

Marc Meakin · Post by **Marc Meakin** » Fri Aug 21, 2009 11:01 am

'Day 25, 3.55 pm, Matthew has just cum in the diary room'

Matthew Green · Post by **Matthew Green** » Fri Aug 21, 2009 12:42 pm

Considering the show now has nobody in control...

Matthew has just raped Jason (who was fast asleep) both ways to completion whilst singing Ms Jackson in Basque. Sue tried to stop him but Kirk pulled her back saying that, as Wildlife Documentarians, they had no moral right to interfere with such an natural mating ritual.

Matthew then finished up, dried his penis on Sue's dressing gown, went to the Diary room and breathed heavily for 32 minutes smiling dimly at the camera and ignoring all BB's questions.

Kirk tried to console Sue but couldnt resist slipping his penis into her ear. She let out a muffled complaint but her attempts at resistance were somewhat half-hearted and they fell into a brief yet violent sex session.

Jason awoke from his slumbers, endearingly unable to figure out why he had suffered a rectal haemhorrage in the night, and made himself some Golden Grahams with skimmed milk.

Later that day, all 4 contestants were removed from the Big Brother house for having 'insincere realtionships in order to secure lucrative magazine deals'. Jason, still suffering the effects of the rohipnol and having no idea why he was being accused of such misdemeanours, gallantly replied that 'only a man like Bob Holness could say that the ice on the lake was more like someone from Ontario than Manitoba' but was evicted nonetheless.

The housemates were replaced by Rob Thomas (who walked out after 2 days citing immaturity from the others, yet watched every minute of live footage on E4 to see if anyone mentioned his name- they didn't), Allan Saldanha and Richard Brittain. In the end, Brittain was removed from the house for calling Saldanha 'Allan Poppadum' and telling him to 'fuck off back to Africa', leaving the path clear for Saldanha to emerge victorious.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Fri Aug 21, 2009 1:11 pm

What is the problem?

Matthew, I think you've summed it all up!

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Fri Aug 21, 2009 1:32 pm

In an exclusive interview in 'Plumpers & Big Women' mag, Sue Sanders has confirmed that all that Matthew Green confessed did indeed happen and the BB House turned into a den of iniquity within hours of the housemates taking up residence.

'I have little to add' said Sanders recovering in the Priory, from a painful eruption of 'jizz eye', 'other than, it wasn't a dressing gown, it was Michael Jackson's death shroud which I was planning to burn that night in a ritualistic hommage to Jarvis Cocker, and Kirk didn't put his penis in my ear, he put it between my breasts, as would any man who's had to spend more than 10 minutes in the company of Anne Robinson.'

Jason has been reported as being in another wing of the Priory, having his stomach pumped. Sanders explained 'That wasn't skimmed milk Jason put on his Golden Grahams.' Tests coming in seem to be suggesting it was more of a protein based concoction that Matthew had been working on for some days prior to coming in to the house and had smuggled in.

'Jason was already in a pretty bad way because he'd recently discovered that the 'fact' that Holness had played sax on Gerry Raffety's 'Baker Street' had turned out to be an urban myth. I think that was harder for him to take than Matthew's manhood, which in my opinion was quite small. Certainly smaller than Kirk's'

Soo Reams is currently looking into suing Green as much of the 'C4C' site's reputation is built on the size and resilience of Green's penis.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Fri Aug 21, 2009 1:57 pm

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Fri Aug 21, 2009 2:11 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:You?

Another enigmatic Larsen post.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Fri Aug 21, 2009 2:27 pm

Sue, did you mean to say that somebody asked a lot of questions?