Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

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Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Poll ended at Mon Aug 30, 2010 8:33 am

Tim Vine's Holiday
4
20%
David Gibson's Anorexics
4
20%
Emo Philips' Hitchhiker
4
20%
Jack Whitehall's Wristband
3
15%
Gary Delaney's Plank
1
5%
John Bishop's England
0
No votes
Bo Burnham's Kid
0
No votes
Gary Delaney's Funeral
0
No votes
Robert White's Chocolates
2
10%
Gareth Richards' Spoon
2
10%
 
Total votes: 20

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James Robinson
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Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by James Robinson »

Countdown favourite Tim Vine won the best joke at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival during the weekend. ;) :) :D :mrgreen: 8-)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-11053202

But did "The Joke Machine Gun"'s joke deserve to win :?:

Here are the contenders:

1. Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

2. David Gibson - "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."

3. Emo Philips - "I picked up a hitchhiker. You've got to when you hit them."

4. Jack Whitehall - "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."

5. Gary Delaney - "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."

6. John Bishop - "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."

7. Bo Burnham - "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."

8. Gary Delaney - "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

9. Robert White - "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: Empty."

10. Gareth Richards - "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"

Enjoy. ;) :) :D :mrgreen: 8-)
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Jon Corby »

Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
Made me smile as an opening for something more... why wouldn't Tim go on that holiday again? I'm not sure if it's because the weather was bad, or maybe he didn't like the hotel? Or perhaps he just thinks it was so good that he couldn't possibly top it? Tell us, tell us!
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Jon O'Neill »

Jon Corby wrote:
Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
Made me smile as an opening for something more... why wouldn't Tim go on that holiday again? I'm not sure if it's because the weather was bad, or maybe he didn't like the hotel? Or perhaps he just thinks it was so good that he couldn't possibly top it? Tell us, tell us!
Double-like.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Jon Corby »

;)
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by David O'Donnell »

One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Matt Morrison »

David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
No, that's quite good I think. It's pretty fucking hard to put a fresh twist on chicken jokes, and (as I haven't heard it before, although I get the feeling it MUST have been around a while) that does it for me.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Matt Morrison »

Tim Vine's is not as good as Emo Philips's's, but I don't have time to give my reasons as we're off to a Chinese supermarket.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Jon Corby »

Matt Morrison wrote:
David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
No, that's quite good I think. It's pretty fucking hard to put a fresh twist on chicken jokes, and (as I haven't heard it before, although I get the feeling it MUST have been around a while) that does it for me.
Is it okay to eat the chicken if it committed suicide?
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by David O'Donnell »

Jon Corby wrote:
Matt Morrison wrote:
David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
No, that's quite good I think. It's pretty fucking hard to put a fresh twist on chicken jokes, and (as I haven't heard it before, although I get the feeling it MUST have been around a while) that does it for me.
Is it okay to eat the chicken if it committed suicide?
ARRRRRGHHHH!

I don't care if you fuck the chicken.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Charlie Reams »

Jon Corby wrote:
Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
Made me smile as an opening for something more... why wouldn't Tim go on that holiday again? I'm not sure if it's because the weather was bad, or maybe he didn't like the hotel? Or perhaps he just thinks it was so good that he couldn't possibly top it? Tell us, tell us!
You know those beautiful moments when everything in your life suddenly makes perfect sense? I just had one of those.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Ian Volante »

Jon Corby wrote:
Matt Morrison wrote:
David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
No, that's quite good I think. It's pretty fucking hard to put a fresh twist on chicken jokes, and (as I haven't heard it before, although I get the feeling it MUST have been around a while) that does it for me.
Is it okay to eat the chicken if it committed suicide?
Not if it took a cyanide pill.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by David O'Donnell »

Charlie Reams wrote: You know those beautiful moments when everything in your life suddenly makes perfect sense? I just had one of those.
Like an epiphany or do you mean something else?
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Charlie Reams »

David O'Donnell wrote:
Charlie Reams wrote: You know those beautiful moments when everything in your life suddenly makes perfect sense? I just had one of those.
Like an epiphany or do you mean something else?
Yes, exactly that.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Gavin Chipper »

Charlie Reams wrote:
David O'Donnell wrote:
Charlie Reams wrote: You know those beautiful moments when everything in your life suddenly makes perfect sense? I just had one of those.
Like an epiphany or do you mean something else?
Yes, exactly that.
Exactly an epiphany or exactly something else?
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Gavin Chipper »

David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
I thought it was good too.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Gavin Chipper »

I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".

Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

Gavin Chipper wrote: Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:41 pm I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".

Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
It is a shit pun for sure.
( It must be shit if I think it is.)
I can think of a few jokes on the shortlist funnier.
1 ) Someone threw herbs in my eyes and left me parsley sighted.
2) I hope the person who stole my anti depressants is happy now
3) After many years of searching for a doppelganger , my brother finally foiund one.
He's beside himself
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by JimBentley »

Gavin Chipper wrote: Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:41 pm I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".

Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
I was really surprised when this won. The winners of this are always shit puns but I saw him interviewed on something and he has much better lines than that one. I liked "I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died…which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine".
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

I am guessing this was voted for by the public.
This really is the boaty mcboatface of funny jokes
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Johnny Canuck »

JimBentley wrote: Fri Aug 23, 2019 3:03 pm"I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died…which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine".
"Trod" contributed way more to my laughter over this joke than it should have.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Gavin Chipper »

Marc Meakin wrote: Fri Aug 23, 2019 3:34 pm I am guessing this was voted for by the public.
This really is the boaty mcboatface of funny jokes
I don't think it was the public. I think it was some committee.

Actually from my original link:
The goal of finding the wittiest one-liners fell to an expert panel of 10 judges, comprising the UK's leading comedy critics.
Some wasters then.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Callum Todd »

Gavin Chipper wrote: Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:41 pm I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".

Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
Another
pretty lame joke
winning the award.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Jack Neal »

Callum Todd wrote: Mon Aug 22, 2022 10:15 am
Gavin Chipper wrote: Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:41 pm I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".

Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
Another
pretty lame joke
winning the award.
1. Ipswich Town FC
2. Nicola Sturgeon
3. Cressida Dick (who certainly lived up to her name)

Are my 3 favourite jokes :D
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Gavin Chipper »

Callum Todd wrote: Mon Aug 22, 2022 10:15 am
Gavin Chipper wrote: Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:41 pm I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".

Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
Another
pretty lame joke
winning the award.
Yeah, it's awful isn't it? The fact that he had to set it up with "female guard" makes it so clunky and awkward. In any case just a bad pun and one of millions that exist out there.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

I preferred the Jerry Sadowitz one
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

I see an Aussie (Campbell) won the Edinburgh Comedy award.
(formally The Perrier) one of his jokes I liked was. I Used to play for the Wallabies.
Took my flute down the animal sanctuary.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

Favourite joke this week
A, friend of mine was feeling low when her pet died so I gave her a hug and whispered "Plethora"
She replied " Thanks, it means a lot"
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Gavin Chipper »

It's a terrible joke.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Jon Corby »

Gavin Chipper wrote: Thu Oct 06, 2022 2:52 pm It's a terrible joke.
Jokes tend to be less enjoyable when you have to message your mates asking them to explain it :lol:
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

Gavin Chipper wrote: Thu Oct 06, 2022 2:52 pm It's a terrible joke.
I though a highbrow joke might have worked better here
When I posted it on my timeline only a couple of English teachers ha-haed it.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Callum Todd »

Marc Meakin wrote: Thu Oct 06, 2022 5:54 pm I though a highbrow joke might have worked better here
Sometimes a joke can be so highbrow it goes over one's head.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Callum Todd »

Fwiw I enjoyed the plethora joke.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

A joke with an intelligence quotient thrown in 😊
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

OK Highbrow pop music joke : some earworms last 7 hours and 15 days.

Lowbrow pop music joke : My missus asked me if I will refrain from singing Oasis lyrics.
I said Maybe
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

This weeks :
I was watching TV and my daughter asked my the difference between ignorance and apathy.
"I don't know and I don't care" was my reply
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

This week's favourite joke:
I made a ventriloquist doll out of some old bits of carpet.
Its ruggish
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Elliott Mellor »

Marc Meakin wrote: Fri Feb 10, 2023 8:45 am This week's favourite joke:
I made a ventriloquist doll out of some old bits of carpet.
Its ruggish
That's genuinely a crap joke.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

Elliott Mellor wrote: Fri Feb 10, 2023 9:31 pm
Marc Meakin wrote: Fri Feb 10, 2023 8:45 am This week's favourite joke:
I made a ventriloquist doll out of some old bits of carpet.
Its ruggish
That's genuinely a crap joke.
Jokes are subjective for sure
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Gavin Chipper »

It looks like you made that joke out of some old bits of carpet.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

Gavin Chipper wrote: Sat Feb 11, 2023 3:35 pm It looks like you made that joke out of some old bits of carpet.
Maybe I need Tim Vine's delivery
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

When I asked my brother if he was still determined to be a ventriloquist, he was tight lipped about it
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Fiona T »

I told my daughter she'd pencilled her eyebrows too high up.

She looked surprised.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

When my friend questioned me as to why I'm worried about going on a date with a vegan.
I said I'd never been with herbivore.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

Since the Epstein papers release, I see Stephen Hawking's big bang theory is trending on social media
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Ian Volante »

Marc Meakin wrote: Fri Jan 05, 2024 4:14 am Since the Epstein papers release, I see Stephen Hawking's big bang theory is trending on social media
You need to explain this to the likes of me.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Gavin Chipper »

Marc Meakin wrote: Fri Feb 10, 2023 8:45 am This week's favourite joke:
I made a ventriloquist doll out of some old bits of carpet.
Its ruggish
I enjoyed this more on a second viewing.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

Ian Volante wrote: Sat Jan 06, 2024 6:16 pm
Marc Meakin wrote: Fri Jan 05, 2024 4:14 am Since the Epstein papers release, I see Stephen Hawking's big bang theory is trending on social media
You need to explain this to the likes of me.
Its not rocket science 😊
Though on reflexion it's not that funny neither.

Aparrently Bruce Willis is in th papers, though he has nothing to say about it
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Ian Volante »

Marc Meakin wrote: Sat Jan 06, 2024 7:39 pm
Ian Volante wrote: Sat Jan 06, 2024 6:16 pm
Marc Meakin wrote: Fri Jan 05, 2024 4:14 am Since the Epstein papers release, I see Stephen Hawking's big bang theory is trending on social media
You need to explain this to the likes of me.
Its not rocket science 😊
Ah, as an astrophysicist (ish), I don't associate Hawking with rockets...
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin »

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