Jim Bentley, 1971-2022

[Mark Deeks]

His family have informed me that long-time C4C mainstay Jim Bentley died unexpectedly last August. He had a stroke while out for a run.

Whatever else we now know about Jim, he was, for a long time, part.of the furniture around here. It was already a very confusing period for those of us who considered Jim a friend, and it is doubly so now. I have no idea what else to say or think at the moment.

[Matt Morrison]

Not afraid to say I'm finding this all quite hard.

[Mark Deeks]

It kind of feels like he died twice in a week.

[Fiona T]

I'm sorry to hear this news. I am however relieved that it does not seem to be a consequence of his outing and resultant discussion on here - something we should consider if anything like this turns up in the future.

RIP Jim - hopefully people can remember you for the good things you contributed.

[Mark Deeks]

FWIW, it was very very considered, and we/I attempted to contact Jim in advance so as to try and mitigate that risk. It was after finding out that every point of contact for him no longer worked that a deeper effort to find out his current circumstances was undertaken, leading to this.

[Fiona T]

FWIW, it was very very considered, and we/I attempted to contact Jim in advance so as to try and mitigate that risk. It was after finding out that every point of contact for him no longer worked that a deeper effort to find out his current circumstances was undertaken, leading to this.

Thanks Mark

[Ian Volante]

Wow, a shock indeed.

[Gavin Chipper]

Two big shocks in the space of a few days. I am saddened by this. What Jim did was very wrong but also that doesn't suddenly change everything we knew about him. And if, for example, at some point after the first revelation, Jim had reached out to me, I would still have engaged, after expressing my anger, disappointment and sadness.

[Mark Deeks]

He was our friend. He absolutely 100% would not have been if we knew. But we didn't, and so he was.

[Jojo Apollo]

I don't know what to say, I was about to post : "Very sad news indeed, I played several games with him over the years on apterous and Jim was always polite, courteous and always had a good sense of humour... RIP"

I then saw the other posts on this thread and was confused and then saw the shocking disturbing news about him on the other thread. I won't say anything else on that out of respect for his family.

[Marc Meakin]

My thoughts are with his family

[Tom]

Sad loss, I remember speaking to Jim around the time he was originally a contestant and he seemed a good guy.

A stroke is an awful way to pass, but I am relieved to hear it wasn’t in light of his outing in the papers. I can’t help but think people knowing on here about his death is what he would have wanted.

[Dame Eadie]

I've read a lot about Jim B on here and i've seen comments that have somewhat revulsed me.

I am however relieved that it does not seem to be a consequence of his outing and resultant discussion on here - something we should consider if anything like this turns up in the future.
RIP Jim - hopefully people can remember you for the good things you contributed.

So, outing a sex-offender is taboo now it seems. Something to consider for the future? I've never read anything more absurd in all my life. I don't know if the writer of the post is a parent or not, but let me tell you this, i have 5 children and i'd never for a second forgive or forget anyone who was embroiled in the depravity that revolves around destroying children's lives. He admitted masturbating to images and or footage of children, some aged 4, being sexually abused, yet we're to 'remember him' for the good he contributed to a Countdown forum. Are you serious? These children grow into alcoholics, self-harmers, social outcasts, adults with major neuroses, they effectively have their lives ruined. Future partners, sexual interactions, trust, self-worth, all thrown into major doubt and turmoil because someone, somewhere, decided to sexually objectify them when they were children. Granted - there were no charges brought to Bentley on actual physical paedophilia, but the court said he was embroiled in it for something like 14 years.
He was therefore a cog in the wheel. The wheel that needs subscribers, downloaders, and above all , needs victims. It needs your son, your daughter, your younger sister or brother or cousin. Some of the posters on here should be ashamed of themselves.

[Rhys Benjamin]

[redated, since i feel i've not been understood properly]

[Dame Eadie]

Rhys - remind where i generalised?

[Rhys Benjamin]

[redacted]

[Dame Eadie]

Jesus, talk about pedantic. I give up.

[Mark Deeks]

not willing to believe it, or indeed willing to overlook these recent events

Well, having been the person to post both pieces of news on this forum - which you can rest assured were both the result of many, many hours of research and discussion - I think it's fair to say that no one has been more involved in this story within this community than I am. And I can say with 100% certainty that not one of the many people I have spoken to about it has either not believed, or been willing to overlook, those recent events of which you speak.

At best, you're misinterpreting the conflicting feelings that come from finding out someone you know and liked was both (a) a paedophile and (b) dead within five days of each other as being some kind of denial. At worst, you're just making that up.

[Rhys Benjamin]

[redacted]

[Mark Deeks]

Can't see how. No one has said anything nice about him.

[Rhys Benjamin]

[redacted]

[Dame Eadie]

Horrible situation for those who knew him. I can get that completely. Guess it's part of life experience and growing older. You find out all sorts of stuff and have to deal with it. For me, i have no empathy whatsoever and If that seems harsh then so be it.

[Mark Deeks]

Well, look, that's why we have these discussions. It's certainly how I interpreted comments like Fiona's above; I apologise if you feel I've not been very clear and I'm not trying to piss people off at all. I do think some have been too sympathetic and I'm surprised you can't see how Damian and I have come to that conclusion. However, please also bear in mind this is also taking into account that PM I've received on this topic, as I outlined above, so it's not purely about what's been posted publicly.

Fiona admits to having sympathy for paedophiles who cannot control the feelings but have the impulse control to not act on them. So do I. But Jim wasn't that, so I do not have sympathy. What I and some others do have is the conflict that comes from the double whammy of finding out someone you didn't see/speak to often, but did only have fond memories of/speak highly about, is both a wrong'un and a goner, and the range of emotions from "aw no not him" to "fuck that guy" that have to be talked through. But none of that is denial or overlooking events, and for one so pedantic in other's turns of phrase, you've really whiffed on your choices in this one.

[Mark Deeks]

So, outing a sex-offender is taboo now it seems.

I don't think that's what she's saying. I think she's simply saying that she's glad Jim didn't kill himself through being outed on C4, which is not the same thing as saying the news should not be shared. I thought Jim might be a suicide risk, too, and it was trying to get out ahead of that that resulted in going down the rabbit hole that has led to the discovery of his death and this subsequent thread. But I didn't allow that fear to shirk the responsibility of sharing it, as I said it wouldn't in the messages to him that will never be read. And without wishing to speak for her, this is where I think Fiona is coming from too.

[Dame Eadie]

"I am however relieved that it does not seem to be a consequence of his outing and resultant discussion on here - something we should consider if anything like this turns up in the future."

So what are we considering exactly, if it's not taboo to talk about it? Fiona was basically saying that she's thankful that Bentley's demise wasn't brought about by C4C talking about him being a dangerous sex-offender.
In one breath it's about protecting under 16's at CO-tournaments and in the next it's keep quiet in case of upsetting a nonce.
I don't get it.

[Marc Meakin]

It goes without saying that those with children, especially young children will be far more vitriolic in their condemnation of a pederast.
I had to deal with an incident involving my own child that became a he said she said situation.
If the guy wasn't old, ironically the age I am now, I may well have taken the law in my own hands.

I feel that in the modern world of acceptance and tolerance people having sympathy or trying to have an understanding of such things is more common.
I am not exactly in the string em up brigade but I immediately think only of the victims.
But i am tolerant of those willing to understand, if not defend them.
I spent a few years working in a secure mental health unit and I know people in the medical profession have to be tolerant and sympathetic to all sorts of individuals who have done terrible things.

[Marc Meakin]

not willing to believe it, or indeed willing to overlook these recent events

Well, having been the person to post both pieces of news on this forum - which you can rest assured were both the result of many, many hours of research and discussion - I think it's fair to say that no one has been more involved in this story within this community than I am. And I can say with 100% certainty that not one of the many people I have spoken to about it has either not believed, or been willing to overlook, those recent events of which you speak.

At best, you're misinterpreting the conflicting feelings that come from finding out someone you know and liked was both (a) a paedophile and (b) dead within five days of each other as being some kind of denial. At worst, you're just making that up.

Serious question, are you writing a book.
Your extensive research has been admirable.

That first sentence has connotations pertaining to caught paedophile and Pete Townshend allegedly (you never know but the "hope I day before I get old" musician in his 70s may be readingthis , or his lawyers)

[Fiona T]

The scale of the abuse (50,000 images) is deliberate and stomach-churning sickening, and can't be dismissed as an occasional lapse - it was sustained and deliberate. Of course the community needs to know if someone with this history is in their midst.

However, if someone were to kill themselves as a direct result of something posted on c4c, I think that would be pretty awful, and if I had contributed to the conversation (as I had with Jim) I would be struggling to dismiss it as them deserving it in some way, no matter what that person had done. It would also be particularly traumatic for the person who had made the post, hence my caution about how it should be tackled if (and it seems inevitably when) it comes up in the future.

It seems that Mark had given this a lot of thought and acted responsibly in trying to contact Jim.

FTAOD I was not the person who has PM'ed Rhys, although I do wonder what useful purpose having that on his page now we know he's dead serves - it can stay or go - either seems appropriate.

Regards my RIP comment, I don't believe in any life after death so it was kinda pointless. Jim did contribute a lot to the community - does the bad completely cancel the good - mebbe, and in hindsight that probably wasn't the right thing to say - of course he will be remembered as a paedophile, but perhaps people can be generous and remember the good things too. TBH I was reeling from the shock of having learned he'd died (not via c4c) and assuming he'd taken his own life, and the relief to find that was not the case.

[Matt Morrison]

[I posted an angry rebuttal to offensive accusations Rhys had made. He removed the content (albeit with what feels like a responsibility-shirking caveat of being misunderstood) so I have removed my ripping it apart too.]

[Rhys Benjamin]

I've withdrawn my post. I'm not trying to pick a fight with anyone, and I'm sorry if you feel I've offended you (pl.) because that's not my intention.

[Mark Deeks]

"I am however relieved that it does not seem to be a consequence of his outing and resultant discussion on here - something we should consider if anything like this turns up in the future."

So what are we considering exactly, if it's not taboo to talk about it? Fiona was basically saying that she's thankful that Bentley's demise wasn't brought about by C4C talking about him being a dangerous sex-offender.
In one breath it's about protecting under 16's at CO-tournaments and in the next it's keep quiet in case of upsetting a nonce.
I don't get it.

Well, put it this way. It wasn't me who initially found the Teesside Live article about Jim. But it was me who decided, after much consultation on how to do it, to post it. This is because others, and I quote, did not want to "pull the trigger".

[Mark James]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ie/blog ... rn-or-made

Not saying this was the case with Jim but no one knows what's going on in people's brains.

It goes without saying that those with children, especially young children will be far more vitriolic in their condemnation of a pederast.

What about people who were abused? I only suffered very mild abuse on a one off occasion but it still had an affect on me, not quite to the extent Damien mentioned but it wasn't good and definitely had an affect on my ability to form intimate relationships. And yet I'm still more on Fiona's side. I would hate to think something I said on this forum contributed to anyone's suicide.

[Marc Meakin]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ie/blog ... rn-or-made

Not saying this was the case with Jim but no one knows what's going on in people's brains.

It goes without saying that those with children, especially young children will be far more vitriolic in their condemnation of a pederast.

What about people who were abused? I only suffered very mild abuse on a one off occasion but it still had an affect on me, not quite to the extent Damien mentioned but it wasn't good and definitely had an affect on my ability to form intimate relationships. And yet I'm still more on Fiona's side. I would hate to think something I said on this forum contributed to anyone's suicide.

I certainly wasn't excluding those who have been abused.
I have been abused myself albeit not sexually.
I can concur that abuse does have a long lasting effect, I'm still claustrophobic and cannot swim as I'm phobic about submersing my head.

Inwardly I am more with Damian than with Fiona but, through my children ironically, pitchforks and flaming torches are not how people should behave.