Google search keyphrases

Discuss anything interesting but not remotely Countdown-related here.

Moderator: Jon O'Neill

Post Reply
User avatar
JimBentley
Legend
Posts: 2603
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:39 pm
Location: Redcar, UK
Contact:

Google search keyphrases

Post by JimBentley » Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:37 pm

As some of you may know, I have a site at http://www.fahnn.co.uk/ which I use to host my low quality music and other gubbins. One of the things about having a website is that you get to see the keyphrases that people enter into search engines to hit the site, which can be very interesting and disturbing indeed. A lot of these came about because I used to have the text of the current ODE on there, but some are frankly inexplicable. Here's a few of my favourites from the past six years - in most cases, I have no idea what they were actually looking for, but I'm pretty sure they wound up disappointed:

Umm...what?

"why is he-man hyphenated"
"dead scrabble people"
"crazed squirrel land pyromanic"
"cartoon rataplan looky look"
"thesis religious arsenious acid prismatic"
"overdamp bead on rotating hoop"
"scraffito habitat tasses expresso japan"
"bibi alhaja- tortoise ring"
"nariyal barfi milkmaid"

Seriously, what?

"yakka and yip http://www.mag i want to email robot school and the bandits"
"three legged tripod cauldron potjie pot and flat bottom plate flat potjie pot tripod cast iron potjie pots and cauldrons"
"chikan street breast attackers series torrent"
"nourishing ridney growing semen prolong time augment"
"brines pirk porno"

And...oh, yeah right...

"the beautest pussies"
"fishnets punkettes being brazen"
"frontal impact male porn"
"defaced by wazz"
"vaginas razored"
"photos of bare girls punanis & bladders"

That said, apterous must get much better ones than these, I'm sure (although "defaced by wazz" will take some beating).

User avatar
Adam Gillard
Kiloposter
Posts: 1601
Joined: Thu Feb 11, 2010 8:42 pm
Location: About 45 minutes south-east of Thibodaux, Louisiana

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by Adam Gillard » Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:07 pm

Maybe some of these people were on a Googlewhack adventure.

User avatar
Jon O'Neill
Ginger Ninja
Posts: 4137
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 12:45 am
Location: London, UK

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by Jon O'Neill » Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:22 pm

Adam Gillard wrote:Maybe some of these people were on a Googlewhack adventure.
This first reply doesn't do the OP justice. This does:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ryan Taylor
Postmaster General
Posts: 3661
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2009 6:18 pm

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by Ryan Taylor » Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:34 pm

HAHAHA Seriously Jim these are fucking crazy!! You literally could not make these up. A-LOL!

User avatar
Jon O'Neill
Ginger Ninja
Posts: 4137
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 12:45 am
Location: London, UK

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by Jon O'Neill » Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:37 pm

Just looking at my cricket website ones, they're pretty tame.

"i c c criket sqesual 2011" ??
"weak cricket team based in essex" :-(
"megaxkcd" weird
"e_to_the_pi_times_i"
"android_girlfriend threesome" lol
"cricket club in uk" a bit general

User avatar
Mark James
Kiloposter
Posts: 1072
Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2010 3:21 pm
Location: Dublin

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by Mark James » Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:45 pm

Just tried googling "defaced by wazz" myself. It asked if I meant "defaced by waz" and led me to the Pakistani Defence Forum. Sweet.

User avatar
Charlie Reams
Site Admin
Posts: 9372
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 2:33 pm
Location: Cambridge
Contact:

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by Charlie Reams » Tue Feb 22, 2011 12:22 am

After a few obvious ones, the 5th most popular search term leading to apterous is "Marcus Hares". Literally no idea why.

User avatar
Jon O'Neill
Ginger Ninja
Posts: 4137
Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 12:45 am
Location: London, UK

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by Jon O'Neill » Tue Mar 22, 2011 4:05 pm

My website got hacked (they added a fuckload of pages with names that might appeal to search engines like "To watch nudy pics free of cost - nudy, nudyzm nudyzm ukraina" which still show up in google searches because of the cache) last week. So I've got this new one:

tamil big ass aunties

User avatar
Adam Gillard
Kiloposter
Posts: 1601
Joined: Thu Feb 11, 2010 8:42 pm
Location: About 45 minutes south-east of Thibodaux, Louisiana

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by Adam Gillard » Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:16 am

This site has some funny ones for apterous, including "dr ben hunter botox" and "carson's countdown". One on the rise in the past month is "petunia pinhead".
Mike Brown: "Round 12: T N R S A E I G U

C1: SIGNATURE (18) ["9; not written down"]
C2: SEATING (7)
Score: 108–16 (max 113)

Another niner for Adam and yet another century. Well done, that man."

User avatar
Ben Hunter
Kiloposter
Posts: 1770
Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2008 2:54 pm
Location: S Yorks

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by Ben Hunter » Thu Apr 07, 2011 12:42 pm

Adam Gillard wrote:"dr ben hunter botox"
Very happy about this.

User avatar
JimBentley
Legend
Posts: 2603
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:39 pm
Location: Redcar, UK
Contact:

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by JimBentley » Wed Mar 30, 2016 4:24 pm

Time to update this; I'll do another one later with the hot stuff the internet people are searching for, but before that, I've noticed that more and more people seem to just type direct questions into search engines. So, inspired by that, here are some of my favourite ones in the form of a test. Time allowed is 1 hour 30 minutes and it goes without saying that no external aids should be used.

Part One - Short answer questions (5 marks each)

1. What is the pressure of a boerboel puppy dog bite per square inch?
2. In the Watchmen novel, what is Silk Specter smoking on page 6?
3. Can a biker keep a bonded bike slave pillion?
4. Where is the interlock override switch located on a hybrid bus?
5. Where does tambotie broiler farm get chicken feed?

Part Two - Essay answer questions (25 marks each)

1. How effective is iron dextran injection in boerboel body?
2. What is yoge samadhi? youge samdhi proses?
3. Is adding cider vinegar to cow rations help them to calve easy?

I should add that I haven't got a fucking clue what the answer is to any of these questions.

User avatar
Jennifer Steadman
Devotee
Posts: 980
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2011 10:34 pm
Location: Kent
Contact:

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by Jennifer Steadman » Wed Mar 30, 2016 6:17 pm

:D Excellent. My old blog has a lot of these - here's a selection from 2012-2016. (Might do 2010 and 2011 in due course.)

Random:
mcfly musical eyebrow problem
explosive ero beauty goes naughty on the camera showing up own lark in the best way

Sex:
prostitutes budapest mcdonalds toilets
most rubbish pussy
gemma rota-cock dildo
sonya rage round pound ass sex pics
images of rubbish girls sexy games
buff ass gerbil
gold medal brutalsex prospekt
susie dents fanny

Life dilemmas:
i need to get some cannabis in paddock wood
talking to a child about being illigitamate
i am 17 and work in a local pub as a waitress my boys the landlord makes me work the bar when he’s drunk
felt like an outcast listening to britpop in 1996 while everyone else was into grunge
life is a load of bollocks

Questions:
why do people shout alan at reading festival
what links us actress zooey deschanel and former british prime minister tony blair
is justine frischmann a bitch
what is the rubbish inside my nose
was rachel riley coked up on strictly
how can we provide morden life to tigers
why doesn’t graham coxon answer my tweets
how much is a daisy daisy bicycle built for two
is ed sheeran a stoner

FAO Mark Deeks:
carl williams wets himself
proud tiara owner and annoying publicity person who tells you to click links to the the FOCAL website.

(and also to my TRAVEL BLOG)

User avatar
JimBentley
Legend
Posts: 2603
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:39 pm
Location: Redcar, UK
Contact:

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by JimBentley » Wed Mar 30, 2016 7:26 pm

There's a lot of weird people out there, that's what I've learned, and they seem to be getting weirder. I'll keep the sex ones back for another post (because there are so, so many of them), except for two, which were typed in exactly as they appear here (I've not checked if they actually exist):

- www.very young stinky peeing unwashed ladyboys.com
- www.spanking clubs.co.uk

People are looking for a lot of "things". Tools seem popular, but most of them are boring (hoodless coveralls, kinetix precision annealer, etc.). However, I'm intrigued by the idea of a "weaponized chain ring bolt" and a "stigmatic lens automatic polishing tool", so will certainly be trying to track these items down at the earliest opportunity. Some of them must be industrial or farm tools (not sure what an "underbite ear notcher" is though, or for that matter what an "avian semen extender" would even look like). And of course, I can't think of anyone who couldn't use an "industrial grape deseeder".

Also I hope the person looking for an "effective chemical to remove stains – gutka spit from the vitrified floor tiles" found what they needed (can't be certain, but it may have been the same person looking for "deglazing solvent and deletion fluid" and "matron-diptera sterilant"). After all, we all know how difficult it can be getting those pesky gutka stains, but they've really only themselves to blame. Spitting it all over the vitrified floor tiles is terribly common.

More generally, it's pretty much all weird stuff. What is a "dong pein barber chair", I wonder? And "fishnet shimmel dance-wear boxer shorts" aren't something I was familiar with prior to today. As for a "fiducial caning whip", I can't even begin to start to imagine what that is.

I like also that people use the internet to research stuff - recent favourites include "nudisms golden days" and "harmonic embossing" - and I do hope that the person with the "clunking noise from acorn stairlift" got it sorted out. And I must've missed the (I'm assuming it was a news story) "Slough man kidnapped by pikies".

Finally (for now) I reckon whoever wanted a "private ketamine stockist UK" ended up disappointed.

Oh, and finally (again) I wonder what the one that appeared exactly as "shutdown will be denied. counter after decrement –1." was alluding to?

User avatar
JimBentley
Legend
Posts: 2603
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:39 pm
Location: Redcar, UK
Contact:

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by JimBentley » Thu Apr 27, 2017 10:56 pm

Haven't updated this in a while, so thought I'd take a look to see what hot new trends people (well, I say 'people', but looking at some of these I can't really be certain) are searching for. Naturally, there's the usual sex-related stuff...hell, who am I kidding, it's pretty much all sex-related:

- cum whore community pinboard
- adumbrated cougar hotties
- fab swingers fetish scotland fife area
- swarthy freshie gets steamy doggy love
- major booty hides a sizzling punani
- videos of seducing of man in busses by bhojpuri women in drooped sarees/pallu
- hairnet curlers under dryer handjob porn
- about spying videos where salwar/sare clad woman pissing in kachha/improvised toilets
- caning skills sweeping blow plucking rubber nickers from girls bottom to double effect on release
- sassy worksite nudist behaves badly

However, the latest thing seems to be really long and highly detailed phrases of...uncertain meaning:

- rack of pineapple stock in fahnn pyjama head brolly andromeda peas on toast clamp letter squeeze granted hula opponent wike saganaki tulips

- lion cubs and woolly lamb and big fat fuzzy bear holly polly elephant slipping with the hairs monkey climbing tall giraffes and tickling their ribs heaven is a happy place and heaven is for kids

- 1 the golden sea its mirror spread beneath the golden skies and but a narrow strip between on land and shadow lies. the cloud-like rocks the rock-like clouds dissolved in glory float and midway of the radiant flood hangs silently the boat.

- mirror mirror on the wall l i k e you re the _____ of them all ! []smartest []baddest []thickest []boring-est [] cutest [] prettiest [] freshest [] finest [] realest [] meanest [] friendliest [] fakest [] coolest [] ugliest [] funniest [] nicest [] laziest [] most annoying [] most childish [] craziest [] lamest sumtimes [] prissiest [] scariest [] weirdest [] stranger

And finally this one that is quite frankly a bit disturbing:

- after the last curse of the fair the walls are streaked with philobat blood

Don't have nightmares!

User avatar
Matt Morrison
Post-apocalypse
Posts: 7230
Joined: Wed Oct 22, 2008 2:27 pm
Location: London
Contact:

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by Matt Morrison » Fri Apr 28, 2017 8:43 am

There are few threads that are guaranteed an A-lol but every update in this one just gets me.

Gavin Chipper
Post-apocalypse
Posts: 7800
Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2008 10:37 pm

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by Gavin Chipper » Fri Apr 28, 2017 1:00 pm

So searching for these terms puts your website at the top? I would try it out, but I might get some sort of record.

User avatar
JimBentley
Legend
Posts: 2603
Joined: Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:39 pm
Location: Redcar, UK
Contact:

Re: Google search keyphrases

Post by JimBentley » Fri Apr 28, 2017 9:34 pm

Gavin Chipper wrote:
Fri Apr 28, 2017 1:00 pm
So searching for these terms puts your website at the top? I would try it out, but I might get some sort of record.
No, it's any sort of hit at all, but I think the search result has to be clicked through to the site to appear in the list. Possibly. I'm not really sure how it all works, to be honest.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest