Hilarious Personal Injuries

[Michael Wallace]

I just managed to hit myself in the face with a jar of pesto (it fell out of a cupboard). I am generally not one for injuries, as I have to be quite careful in case I blind myself, but don't most people have exciting tales of times they've injured themselves? Some of them are even funny. So let's hear them.

[Howard Somerset]

Not really an amusing injury to me, but my discomfort and inconvenience did cause amusement to a lot of others - the bastards!

About five years ago, I had a fall in the alps, and broke both arms. Needless to say, I had to have a lot of help with many of my normal activities.
It was about a month after my mother had died, and in finalising the probate with the solicitor, I had to sign the forms with a cross, with the pen held between my two thumbs.

[Ian Volante]

Last year I was running down a hill, went to slide on my knees (there's good reason for all this), caught my foot on a tussock and dropped my full body weight on it, fibula went clunk.

Earlier this year, I put a large scratch in my cornea by getting hit by a branch. I was blind for two days because of the pain.

There are many more minor comedy injuries...

[Charlie Reams]

I have an eyelash stuck in my eye, it really hurts.

[Eoin Monaghan]

Missed a few football games because I kicked the radiator aiming for a miniature football and hurt my toe.

[JackHurst]

Broke my toe because I ran across the road and attempted to kick a drinks can that was on top of a kerb. I missed the can, hitting the kerb with full power, did a 360, got up and sat through a school bus journey and watched my toe in horror as it swelled to a large size.

I also broke my finger when I punched one of my friends in the forehead really hard (I used to be a bit of a psycho when I was about 13 (I still am))

[Charlie Reams]

After this nominations phase we should have a voting phase to determine the most comical injury overall.

[Ian Volante]

Okay, for better comedy: sliced my elbow open at school once when I accidentally moved it across the scalpel I happened to be holding in the other hand (biology class). Another one at school: Ended up with a face covered in blood when someone chucked a ball of paper at me, and I ducked and head-butted the corner of my desk.

[Marc Meakin]

This post has been deleted cause it was crap

[Marc Meakin]

I once, as a romantic gesture, put a rose up my uretha to impress my girlfriend, not so impressive when she yanked it out to smell it.

[Marc Meakin]

i once got my knob stuck in a tictac container and mre mum called the fire brigade
BTW I was only 11, at the time, can I claim my prize now
Oh and I once, whilst naked, caught my dick in a toy rifle when I tried to cock it (that was last year...jokes I was 3)

[Ian Volante]

I once, as a romantic gesture, put a rose up my uretha to impress my girlfriend, not so impressive when she yanked it out to smell it.

Did she smell the rose too?

[Marc Meakin]

I once, as a romantic gesture, put a rose up my uretha to impress my girlfriend, not so impressive when she yanked it out to smell it.

Did she smell the rose too?

Nah, there was too much blood due to fact that the stem of a rose contains minute barbs.
Still When I take a piss at a public urinal it's an interesting conversation starter for the discerning impertuner

[Jon Corby]

I was doing a spot of maintenance out the front of my house, and went bounding up my sloping driveway into the garage to get something. I hadn't fully raised the up-and-over door, and next thing I know I'm lying flat on my back staring up at the sky with a big cut across my head thinking "have I been unconscious? Oh shit, I hope nobody saw that"

[Josh Hurst]

When I was 13, I tried to impress my mates by jumping through a powered revolving door as late as possible. It was like I was trying to replicate something that may have happened to Indiana Jones. I left it too late it seems, as my right leg got caught. It was stuck there, and I was in a lot of pain, so decided to try and pull it out. In doing so I obtained a large gash, which left a scar which is still there today. I looked a right tool.

[Ryan Taylor]

I was at the Blue John Mines in Derbyshire when I was around 15 and I'd climbed/ran to the top of a steepish grassy hill and stopped at the top. Whilst at the top I shouted things at the sheep like "black face" and "get a shave" etc. but it was when I went down the hill that my stupid injury occured. I chose to run down the final bit of the hill and as you know, when you run down a hill it's pretty hard to sotp yourself. Well at the bottom of the section I was running down happened to be a cattle grid with the bars of the grid running parallel to my direction of travel. About 5 metres before it I saw it and thought "oh shit!" but then thought "I can negotiate this" at which point my first step onto the cattle grid went right through it, missing the bar and falling right between them. My knee was pretty fucked up as my leg went down as far as my knee and I had a big bruise and couldn't go to football training that night. If the actual injury wasn't that hilarious, the people who saw it was. As this happened right outside the main entrance to the caves and shop at the Blue John Mines were a nice long crowd of people just happened to see this ginger lad stuck in a cattle grid screaming very loudly and shouting "fuck".

[Karen Pearson]

A few years ago, when my nephew was still little, my sister used to walk him to the bus stop to get the bus to school. He used to like to ride his scooter to the bus stop and then my sister would carry it home (which actually must have been a right pain every morning but I guess that's what being a mum is all about!). One morning, after seeing him safely on to the school bus, she popped into the shops to get a few bits and pieces. She came out with two bags of shopping and, obviously, the scooter. She then decided this would be a good time to have a go on his scooter. So, she loaded one shopping bag into each side of the handlebars and set off. It is worth mentioning that the route was all downhill. So she set off and all seemed to be going well........ until the handlebars decided to collapse under the weight of the shopping and someone clearly a bit heavier than a 7 year old. Needless to say she went headfirst straight into the pavement where she took a fair lump of skin off her skull and ended up with blood pouring down her face (but wasn't actually seriously damaged). And as if this wasn't bad enough, there was a witness to this! Sadly, they didn't have a camcorder or even a still camera!

After a couple of days when she felt she had restored some of her dignity, she decided to phone some members of the family for a bit of sympathy. Mistake! Every single person just fell about laughing!

So, for her 50th birthday, I immortalised it in a cake! You can't let something that funny and embarrassing fade from your loved ones' memories!

[Charlie Reams]

Ha, excellent.

[Liam Tiernan]

Best laugh I've had all week, Karen

[Jon O'Neill]

Incredible effort with the cake!

[Matt Bayfield]

I used to run cross-country races. These were the kind of races which took you through streams, through knee-deep mud, over stiles, etc.

After 4-and-a-half miles of one particularly muddy 5 mile race, it was necessary to vault or climb over a 5-bar gate to a field. Most fit men, of average height, had no real problem in placing one hand on the top bar of the gate and vaulting over it. Sadly I was, and still am, significantly less than average height. I attempted to vault the gate, and in my slightly weary state, couldn't get my trail leg over. I landed squarely straddling the top of the gate, before collapsing in extreme pain on to the mud on the far side.

I had to walk like I'd soiled myself for about a week.

Nowadays I stick to running on the roads, and hibernate in the gym during the cross-country season.