Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

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Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Poll ended at Mon Aug 30, 2010 8:33 am

Tim Vine's Holiday
4
20%
David Gibson's Anorexics
4
20%
Emo Philips' Hitchhiker
4
20%
Jack Whitehall's Wristband
3
15%
Gary Delaney's Plank
1
5%
John Bishop's England
0
No votes
Bo Burnham's Kid
0
No votes
Gary Delaney's Funeral
0
No votes
Robert White's Chocolates
2
10%
Gareth Richards' Spoon
2
10%
 
Total votes: 20

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James Robinson
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Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by James Robinson » Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:33 am

Countdown favourite Tim Vine won the best joke at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival during the weekend. ;) :) :D :mrgreen: 8-)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-11053202

But did "The Joke Machine Gun"'s joke deserve to win :?:

Here are the contenders:

1. Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

2. David Gibson - "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."

3. Emo Philips - "I picked up a hitchhiker. You've got to when you hit them."

4. Jack Whitehall - "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."

5. Gary Delaney - "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."

6. John Bishop - "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."

7. Bo Burnham - "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."

8. Gary Delaney - "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

9. Robert White - "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: Empty."

10. Gareth Richards - "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"

Enjoy. ;) :) :D :mrgreen: 8-)
CO:WY COMING SOON.... ;) :) :D :mrgreen: 8-) :geek: :ugeek:

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Jon Corby » Mon Aug 23, 2010 9:44 am

Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
Made me smile as an opening for something more... why wouldn't Tim go on that holiday again? I'm not sure if it's because the weather was bad, or maybe he didn't like the hotel? Or perhaps he just thinks it was so good that he couldn't possibly top it? Tell us, tell us!

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Jon O'Neill » Mon Aug 23, 2010 9:47 am

Jon Corby wrote:
Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
Made me smile as an opening for something more... why wouldn't Tim go on that holiday again? I'm not sure if it's because the weather was bad, or maybe he didn't like the hotel? Or perhaps he just thinks it was so good that he couldn't possibly top it? Tell us, tell us!
Double-like.

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Jon Corby » Mon Aug 23, 2010 9:49 am

;)

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by David O'Donnell » Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:59 am

One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Matt Morrison » Mon Aug 23, 2010 11:08 am

David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
No, that's quite good I think. It's pretty fucking hard to put a fresh twist on chicken jokes, and (as I haven't heard it before, although I get the feeling it MUST have been around a while) that does it for me.

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Matt Morrison » Mon Aug 23, 2010 11:09 am

Tim Vine's is not as good as Emo Philips's's, but I don't have time to give my reasons as we're off to a Chinese supermarket.

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Jon Corby » Mon Aug 23, 2010 11:11 am

Matt Morrison wrote:
David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
No, that's quite good I think. It's pretty fucking hard to put a fresh twist on chicken jokes, and (as I haven't heard it before, although I get the feeling it MUST have been around a while) that does it for me.
Is it okay to eat the chicken if it committed suicide?

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by David O'Donnell » Mon Aug 23, 2010 11:26 am

Jon Corby wrote:
Matt Morrison wrote:
David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
No, that's quite good I think. It's pretty fucking hard to put a fresh twist on chicken jokes, and (as I haven't heard it before, although I get the feeling it MUST have been around a while) that does it for me.
Is it okay to eat the chicken if it committed suicide?
ARRRRRGHHHH!

I don't care if you fuck the chicken.

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Charlie Reams » Mon Aug 23, 2010 3:15 pm

Jon Corby wrote:
Tim Vine - "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
Made me smile as an opening for something more... why wouldn't Tim go on that holiday again? I'm not sure if it's because the weather was bad, or maybe he didn't like the hotel? Or perhaps he just thinks it was so good that he couldn't possibly top it? Tell us, tell us!
You know those beautiful moments when everything in your life suddenly makes perfect sense? I just had one of those.

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Ian Volante » Mon Aug 23, 2010 4:49 pm

Jon Corby wrote:
Matt Morrison wrote:
David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
No, that's quite good I think. It's pretty fucking hard to put a fresh twist on chicken jokes, and (as I haven't heard it before, although I get the feeling it MUST have been around a while) that does it for me.
Is it okay to eat the chicken if it committed suicide?
Not if it took a cyanide pill.
meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by David O'Donnell » Mon Aug 23, 2010 5:22 pm

Charlie Reams wrote: You know those beautiful moments when everything in your life suddenly makes perfect sense? I just had one of those.
Like an epiphany or do you mean something else?

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Charlie Reams » Mon Aug 23, 2010 5:49 pm

David O'Donnell wrote:
Charlie Reams wrote: You know those beautiful moments when everything in your life suddenly makes perfect sense? I just had one of those.
Like an epiphany or do you mean something else?
Yes, exactly that.

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Gavin Chipper » Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:42 pm

Charlie Reams wrote:
David O'Donnell wrote:
Charlie Reams wrote: You know those beautiful moments when everything in your life suddenly makes perfect sense? I just had one of those.
Like an epiphany or do you mean something else?
Yes, exactly that.
Exactly an epiphany or exactly something else?

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Gavin Chipper » Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:43 pm

David O'Donnell wrote:One of the worst jokes was "Why did the chicken commit suicide? - To get to the other side" I actually liked this one; am I a wrong person?
I thought it was good too.

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Gavin Chipper » Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:41 pm

I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".

Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin » Wed Aug 21, 2019 9:06 pm

Gavin Chipper wrote:
Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:41 pm
I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".

Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
It is a shit pun for sure.
( It must be shit if I think it is.)
I can think of a few jokes on the shortlist funnier.
1 ) Someone threw herbs in my eyes and left me parsley sighted.
2) I hope the person who stole my anti depressants is happy now
3) After many years of searching for a doppelganger , my brother finally foiund one.
He's beside himself
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by JimBentley » Fri Aug 23, 2019 3:03 pm

Gavin Chipper wrote:
Wed Aug 21, 2019 2:41 pm
I'm going to hijack this thread to discuss this year's winner of Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe".

Won by Olaf Falafel, it goes "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

However, it's a bit of a shit joke isn't it? I mean, it's just a weak pun. There must have been millions of puns going about, so what makes this one stand out? Furthermore, how many people listening to that would just think "What the fuck does "florets" mean anyway?" So it's poor all round. And now people have been complaining about it. "If you're going to make a joke about my condition, at least make sure it isn't a shit pun that uses a word most people have never heard of" was not one of the complaints.
I was really surprised when this won. The winners of this are always shit puns but I saw him interviewed on something and he has much better lines than that one. I liked "I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died…which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine".

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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Marc Meakin » Fri Aug 23, 2019 3:34 pm

I am guessing this was voted for by the public.
This really is the boaty mcboatface of funny jokes
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Johnny Canuck » Fri Aug 23, 2019 9:20 pm

JimBentley wrote:
Fri Aug 23, 2019 3:03 pm
"I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died…which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine".
"Trod" contributed way more to my laughter over this joke than it should have.
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Re: Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

Post by Gavin Chipper » Fri Aug 23, 2019 10:12 pm

Marc Meakin wrote:
Fri Aug 23, 2019 3:34 pm
I am guessing this was voted for by the public.
This really is the boaty mcboatface of funny jokes
I don't think it was the public. I think it was some committee.

Actually from my original link:
The goal of finding the wittiest one-liners fell to an expert panel of 10 judges, comprising the UK's leading comedy critics.
Some wasters then.

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