Joke Items

Discuss anything interesting but not remotely Countdown-related here.

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Marc Meakin
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Re: Joke Items

Post by Marc Meakin » Wed Jul 22, 2020 11:48 pm

Mark James wrote:
Wed Jul 22, 2020 2:45 pm
Strimmers.
I'm with you when it comes to changing the cartridge
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Re: Joke Items

Post by Marc Meakin » Tue Jul 28, 2020 7:20 am

Marc Meakin wrote:
Thu Jul 02, 2020 8:55 am
Next time you go bowling , sometime in 2023/4 , try to bring extra footwear , play two games , one with bowling shoes on and one without and compare scores
Good news on the bowling front , you can now wear your own shoes when bowling centres re-open
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Re: Joke Items

Post by Gavin Chipper » Tue Jul 28, 2020 7:55 am

The word "garlicky". Such a horrific construction with "licky" in it and the k is arbitrary anyway. It should be "garliccy" and that's how I will spell it from now on (if I ever need to write it). Similarly it should be "panicced", not "panicked" (though I won't insist on this spelling). You double up letters, not arbitrarily add a letter that happens to be pronounced the same way.

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Conor » Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:19 am

Gavin Chipper wrote:
Tue Jul 28, 2020 7:55 am
The word "garlicky". Such a horrific construction with "licky" in it and the k is arbitrary anyway. It should be "garliccy" and that's how I will spell it from now on (if I ever need to write it). Similarly it should be "panicced", not "panicked" (though I won't insist on this spelling). You double up letters, not arbitrarily add a letter that happens to be pronounced the same way.
It’s not really arbitrary, inasmuch as all spelling rules are somewhat arbitrary. The k has an unambiguous pronunciation (unless it’s silent before an n) unlike c, so using a k is an improvement to doubling up. If you were complaining why ‘garlic’ is not spelled ‘garlik’ then there’s at least something in that.

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Gavin Chipper » Tue Jul 28, 2020 11:55 am

Conor wrote:
Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:19 am
Gavin Chipper wrote:
Tue Jul 28, 2020 7:55 am
The word "garlicky". Such a horrific construction with "licky" in it and the k is arbitrary anyway. It should be "garliccy" and that's how I will spell it from now on (if I ever need to write it). Similarly it should be "panicced", not "panicked" (though I won't insist on this spelling). You double up letters, not arbitrarily add a letter that happens to be pronounced the same way.
It’s not really arbitrary, inasmuch as all spelling rules are somewhat arbitrary. The k has an unambiguous pronunciation (unless it’s silent before an n) unlike c, so using a k is an improvement to doubling up. If you were complaining why ‘garlic’ is not spelled ‘garlik’ then there’s at least something in that.
Sure, but the main thing here is the horrificy of "gar-licky".

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Gavin Chipper » Tue Jul 28, 2020 7:44 pm

Other joke words include "suffrage" and "emancipation". These words have probably not been used in normal conversation for at least a hundred years, but for some reason they crop up as "women's suffrage" and "emancipation of women" as if people talking about these can't do so using without resorting to some archaic form of the language. Neither really work as positive words anyway because they have a negative feel about them. "Suffrage" is too much like "suffering" and "emancipate" is too much like "emaciate". "How was Dave when you saw him today?" "Not good actually. I don't think he's been eating properly. He's really emancipated."

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Fiona T » Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:21 pm

Well if we're on words that sound like they mean something entirely different to what they do, I give you bucolic. Sounds like a particularly nasty ailment of the bowels. The dictionary gives "Relating to the pleasant aspects of the countryside and country life." So that's nice.
8-) <-2m-> 8-)

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Marc Meakin » Wed Jul 29, 2020 4:33 am

Gavin Chipper wrote:
Tue Jul 28, 2020 7:44 pm
Other joke words include "suffrage" and "emancipation". These words have probably not been used in normal conversation for at least a hundred years, but for some reason they crop up as "women's suffrage" and "emancipation of women" as if people talking about these can't do so using without resorting to some archaic form of the language. Neither really work as positive words anyway because they have a negative feel about them. "Suffrage" is too much like "suffering" and "emancipate" is too much like "emaciate". "How was Dave when you saw him today?" "Not good actually. I don't think he's been eating properly. He's really emancipated."
Chocaholic.....in fact any holic suffixes apart from alcoholic and words that don't mean addiction to.....
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Re: Joke Items

Post by Marc Meakin » Wed Jul 29, 2020 4:36 am

I was going to make a topic on joke words but I didn't think it would have legs , but maybe it's time
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Re: Joke Items

Post by Gavin Chipper » Sat Aug 08, 2020 7:11 pm

Nautical miles.

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Marc Meakin » Sat Aug 08, 2020 7:24 pm

Gavin Chipper wrote:
Sat Aug 08, 2020 7:11 pm
Nautical miles.
You kid me knot
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Re: Joke Items

Post by Gavin Chipper » Mon Aug 17, 2020 6:56 pm

Captcha. Do you really need me to click on endless pictures of traffic lights to prove I'm not a robot? No, so fuck off.

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Fiona T » Mon Aug 17, 2020 7:43 pm

Gavin Chipper wrote:
Mon Aug 17, 2020 6:56 pm
Captcha. Do you really need me to click on endless pictures of traffic lights to prove I'm not a robot? No, so fuck off.
In South Africa, traffic lights are called robots. :)
8-) <-2m-> 8-)

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Matt Rutherford » Tue Aug 18, 2020 1:32 am

Records/cassettes being brought today. I can understand collections from a time when they were ubiquitous, but now? YouTube, Spotify and many other services exist giving you every song you want, as you like it, at the click of a button and have done for some time. Spending £15 because something 'sounds better' or is 'more authentic' seems like a waste.

Might just be me being a miser. That said my taste in music has Hot Chip, U2 and John Tavener's canticle chants in the same playlist, so that might disqualify me from having an opinion on anything involving instruments. :)
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Re: Joke Items

Post by Gavin Chipper » Wed Nov 04, 2020 3:34 pm

Search engines that ignore common words like "and" or "the" even when they are part of a whole thing that's put in quotes.

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Marc Meakin » Thu Nov 05, 2020 6:58 pm

Fireworks or more specifically bonfire night.
It's been 415 years, let it go
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Re: Joke Items

Post by Gavin Chipper » Thu Nov 05, 2020 8:57 pm

Marc Meakin wrote:
Thu Nov 05, 2020 6:58 pm
Fireworks or more specifically bonfire night.
It's been 415 years, let it go
I'd say Hallowe'en more so. Largely a non-event until recently with Guy Fawkes night being a bigger deal, everyone seems to have become obsessed with taking their children out mugging, which was very much a minority pursuit not so long ago.

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Paul Anderson » Fri Nov 06, 2020 10:05 am

Maybe in England, but the rest of us have been celebrating Samhain or the start of winter for thousands of years.

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Gavin Chipper » Fri Nov 06, 2020 10:14 am

Paul Anderson wrote:
Fri Nov 06, 2020 10:05 am
Maybe in England, but the rest of us have been celebrating Samhain or the start of winter for thousands of years.
Possibly then, but I was also thinking mainly about the children-going-mugging aspect of it, which seems to have come over from America and which seems to have become the "main" part of Hallowe'en in recent years. Here at least.

But anyway, I didn't know Samhain was a thing, so now I've just educated myself about it! (If you call skimming over a Wikipedia article educating oneself.)

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Marc Meakin » Mon Nov 09, 2020 2:03 pm

Contract trace app.
My stepdaughter has the app and it has just pinged to tell her to self isolate and she hadn't left the house since yesterday.
I also have the app and mine had not pinged.
Either I'm missing something or the app is crap
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Re: Joke Items

Post by Ian Volante » Tue Nov 10, 2020 12:58 pm

Marc Meakin wrote:
Mon Nov 09, 2020 2:03 pm
Contract trace app.
My stepdaughter has the app and it has just pinged to tell her to self isolate and she hadn't left the house since yesterday.
I also have the app and mine had not pinged.
Either I'm missing something or the app is crap
It could easily take a day for a test result and the subsequent tracing to work its way through the system. If it had been a week, I'd possibly be a little surprised.
meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles meles

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Marc Meakin » Tue Nov 10, 2020 7:41 pm

Ian Volante wrote:
Tue Nov 10, 2020 12:58 pm
Marc Meakin wrote:
Mon Nov 09, 2020 2:03 pm
Contract trace app.
My stepdaughter has the app and it has just pinged to tell her to self isolate and she hadn't left the house since yesterday.
I also have the app and mine had not pinged.
Either I'm missing something or the app is crap
It could easily take a day for a test result and the subsequent tracing to work its way through the system. If it had been a week, I'd possibly be a little surprised.
I think the issue was with her blue tooth it was off for a few days and when she put it on it went off.
As she works in a doctors surgery it's likely to have come from there.
So she should isolate but I don't have to..... I think
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Marc Meakin
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Re: Joke Items

Post by Marc Meakin » Tue Dec 08, 2020 6:54 pm

Break Dancing as an Olympic sport
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Re: Joke Items

Post by Matt Rutherford » Tue Dec 08, 2020 8:46 pm

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Rhys Benjamin » Wed Dec 16, 2020 3:49 pm

Kaspersky Protected Browser.

Just... why.
The forum's resident JAILBAKER, who has SPONDERED several times...

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Re: Joke Items

Post by Marc Meakin » Tue Dec 29, 2020 11:30 am

I probably already posted that the test and trace app is a joke item.
I awoke this morning at 3am to get ready to work when i noticed a notification on my phone telling me that i need to self isolate for 4 days.
I cant for the life of me work out how its four days unless whoever is responsible for informing people that they have come into contact with someone infected took 5 days off.
Unless someone went shopping knowing they had covid during there isolation period.
If anyone can throw some light on this i would aprecite it.
I had to screenshot it to send to my line manager as it seemed fishy
Btw i always check nofications
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