Joke Items

[Marc Meakin]

Strimmers.

I'm with you when it comes to changing the cartridge

[Marc Meakin]

Next time you go bowling , sometime in 2023/4 , try to bring extra footwear , play two games , one with bowling shoes on and one without and compare scores

Good news on the bowling front , you can now wear your own shoes when bowling centres re-open

[Gavin Chipper]

The word "garlicky". Such a horrific construction with "licky" in it and the k is arbitrary anyway. It should be "garliccy" and that's how I will spell it from now on (if I ever need to write it). Similarly it should be "panicced", not "panicked" (though I won't insist on this spelling). You double up letters, not arbitrarily add a letter that happens to be pronounced the same way.

[Conor]

The word "garlicky". Such a horrific construction with "licky" in it and the k is arbitrary anyway. It should be "garliccy" and that's how I will spell it from now on (if I ever need to write it). Similarly it should be "panicced", not "panicked" (though I won't insist on this spelling). You double up letters, not arbitrarily add a letter that happens to be pronounced the same way.

It’s not really arbitrary, inasmuch as all spelling rules are somewhat arbitrary. The k has an unambiguous pronunciation (unless it’s silent before an n) unlike c, so using a k is an improvement to doubling up. If you were complaining why ‘garlic’ is not spelled ‘garlik’ then there’s at least something in that.

[Gavin Chipper]

The word "garlicky". Such a horrific construction with "licky" in it and the k is arbitrary anyway. It should be "garliccy" and that's how I will spell it from now on (if I ever need to write it). Similarly it should be "panicced", not "panicked" (though I won't insist on this spelling). You double up letters, not arbitrarily add a letter that happens to be pronounced the same way.

It’s not really arbitrary, inasmuch as all spelling rules are somewhat arbitrary. The k has an unambiguous pronunciation (unless it’s silent before an n) unlike c, so using a k is an improvement to doubling up. If you were complaining why ‘garlic’ is not spelled ‘garlik’ then there’s at least something in that.

Sure, but the main thing here is the horrificy of "gar-licky".

[Gavin Chipper]

Other joke words include "suffrage" and "emancipation". These words have probably not been used in normal conversation for at least a hundred years, but for some reason they crop up as "women's suffrage" and "emancipation of women" as if people talking about these can't do so using without resorting to some archaic form of the language. Neither really work as positive words anyway because they have a negative feel about them. "Suffrage" is too much like "suffering" and "emancipate" is too much like "emaciate". "How was Dave when you saw him today?" "Not good actually. I don't think he's been eating properly. He's really emancipated."

[Fiona T]

Well if we're on words that sound like they mean something entirely different to what they do, I give you bucolic. Sounds like a particularly nasty ailment of the bowels. The dictionary gives "Relating to the pleasant aspects of the countryside and country life." So that's nice.

[Marc Meakin]

Other joke words include "suffrage" and "emancipation". These words have probably not been used in normal conversation for at least a hundred years, but for some reason they crop up as "women's suffrage" and "emancipation of women" as if people talking about these can't do so using without resorting to some archaic form of the language. Neither really work as positive words anyway because they have a negative feel about them. "Suffrage" is too much like "suffering" and "emancipate" is too much like "emaciate". "How was Dave when you saw him today?" "Not good actually. I don't think he's been eating properly. He's really emancipated."

Chocaholic.....in fact any holic suffixes apart from alcoholic and words that don't mean addiction to.....

[Marc Meakin]

I was going to make a topic on joke words but I didn't think it would have legs , but maybe it's time

[Gavin Chipper]

Nautical miles.

[Marc Meakin]

Nautical miles.

You kid me knot

[Gavin Chipper]

Captcha. Do you really need me to click on endless pictures of traffic lights to prove I'm not a robot? No, so fuck off.

[Fiona T]

Captcha. Do you really need me to click on endless pictures of traffic lights to prove I'm not a robot? No, so fuck off.

In South Africa, traffic lights are called robots.

[Matt Rutherford]

Records/cassettes being brought today. I can understand collections from a time when they were ubiquitous, but now? YouTube, Spotify and many other services exist giving you every song you want, as you like it, at the click of a button and have done for some time. Spending £15 because something 'sounds better' or is 'more authentic' seems like a waste.

Might just be me being a miser. That said my taste in music has Hot Chip, U2 and John Tavener's canticle chants in the same playlist, so that might disqualify me from having an opinion on anything involving instruments.

[Gavin Chipper]

Search engines that ignore common words like "and" or "the" even when they are part of a whole thing that's put in quotes.

[Marc Meakin]

Fireworks or more specifically bonfire night.
It's been 415 years, let it go

[Gavin Chipper]

Fireworks or more specifically bonfire night.
It's been 415 years, let it go

I'd say Hallowe'en more so. Largely a non-event until recently with Guy Fawkes night being a bigger deal, everyone seems to have become obsessed with taking their children out mugging, which was very much a minority pursuit not so long ago.

[Paul Anderson]

Maybe in England, but the rest of us have been celebrating Samhain or the start of winter for thousands of years.

[Gavin Chipper]

Maybe in England, but the rest of us have been celebrating Samhain or the start of winter for thousands of years.

Possibly then, but I was also thinking mainly about the children-going-mugging aspect of it, which seems to have come over from America and which seems to have become the "main" part of Hallowe'en in recent years. Here at least.

But anyway, I didn't know Samhain was a thing, so now I've just educated myself about it! (If you call skimming over a Wikipedia article educating oneself.)

[Marc Meakin]

Contract trace app.
My stepdaughter has the app and it has just pinged to tell her to self isolate and she hadn't left the house since yesterday.
I also have the app and mine had not pinged.
Either I'm missing something or the app is crap

[Ian Volante]

Contract trace app.
My stepdaughter has the app and it has just pinged to tell her to self isolate and she hadn't left the house since yesterday.
I also have the app and mine had not pinged.
Either I'm missing something or the app is crap

It could easily take a day for a test result and the subsequent tracing to work its way through the system. If it had been a week, I'd possibly be a little surprised.

[Marc Meakin]

Contract trace app.
My stepdaughter has the app and it has just pinged to tell her to self isolate and she hadn't left the house since yesterday.
I also have the app and mine had not pinged.
Either I'm missing something or the app is crap

It could easily take a day for a test result and the subsequent tracing to work its way through the system. If it had been a week, I'd possibly be a little surprised.

I think the issue was with her blue tooth it was off for a few days and when she put it on it went off.
As she works in a doctors surgery it's likely to have come from there.
So she should isolate but I don't have to..... I think

[Marc Meakin]

Break Dancing as an Olympic sport

[Matt Rutherford]

https://elascorner.com/toys/breakdance/

[Rhys Benjamin]

Kaspersky Protected Browser.

Just... why.

[Marc Meakin]

I probably already posted that the test and trace app is a joke item.
I awoke this morning at 3am to get ready to work when i noticed a notification on my phone telling me that i need to self isolate for 4 days.
I cant for the life of me work out how its four days unless whoever is responsible for informing people that they have come into contact with someone infected took 5 days off.
Unless someone went shopping knowing they had covid during there isolation period.
If anyone can throw some light on this i would aprecite it.
I had to screenshot it to send to my line manager as it seemed fishy
Btw i always check nofications