Celebrity fun

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JimBentley
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Celebrity fun

Post by JimBentley » Tue Jan 19, 2016 3:55 pm

A friend sent me this link earlier today and it might be - and I don't think I'm overexaggerating here - the funniest thing currently on the internet.

Some of my favourites are just so succinct and to the point, even if they don't really tell you much - although often contain funny details - and may play into the prejudices of the posters, but are great nonetheless (I've preserved most of the typos and such before you start nitpicking, Gevin):
Danni Minogue is a cock.
Paul Daniels = loud mouthed -tight arse dwarf, so up his own arse
Sat next to Bob Geldolf on a plane. Rude, arrogant, dirty and smelly man.
Damon from Blur pissed on my mate's shoe at the urinals.
my uncle worked with john leslie once (years before "that" episode with ulrika). he said he is the biggest prick he has ever met in his life.
Most of the Pussycat Dolls = Strolling around like their shit dont stink.
I also once politely asked Stephen Fry the time and charmingly was told to Fuck Off.
Sebastian Coe is very up himself and rude.
Cliff = imperious ubertwat and wearer of pink hotpants at rehearsal (make of that what you will)
That Russell Brand. He was so nice when I first met him, but he's no gentleman, I can tell you! And he's shit in bed!
Cilla Black - Absolutely horrible cow. The Cilla you see on the telly is not the real person.
I heard Cilla Black is a foul bitch, too. When my friend was working as a runner she was made to go and apologise to CB because she wasn't able to read her mind and predict exactly what magazines she would want to read in her dressing room.
(There's absolutely loads of Cilla stuff, incidentally).
James Corden was an absolute T*** to a photographer I know, he said he was nice as pie to other celebs when camera's were rolling but rude and crass to the real people afterwards and refused to pay for his own lunch!
Esther Rantzen was doing some advert for some fluffy nice series for heroic kids, heart badges and all that crap and blah blah at our local shopping centre when I was 12. We were so excited to see her, and sat on a bench nearby. She was sarcastic, bitter and nasty and basically told her camera crew to get shut of us pronto.
A close friend of mine is deaf and was part of a group that had a block booking to go the Ready Steady Cook when Ainsley 'dribbling fool' Harriot was on it. He stopped them from going as he said he couldn't cope with their hands flapping about as they signed each other. Cunt.
Jennifer Lopez - I cannot stand this woman with a passion and thats no exageration she walks around thinking she is the queen and princess of the universe or something she will not even look at you and if she does its with a stuck up 'I'm better than you' look
Then there's the dodgy, really unpleasant ones:
Piers Morgan smacked his kids really hard in Rhodes Airport.
Paul Daniels - absolutely vile. Again my ex said he is renowned for pouncing on the youngest, least able to make a fuss Assistant Stage Manager. My ex actually pulled Daniels off a young girl backstage and said he would back her up if she wanted to go to the police but she said she 'didn't want to make a fuss'.
Paul Daniels. Was on a west end show and my ex had to literally pull him off the Assistant Stage Manager - a young girl in her teens. She was too scared to press charges even though my husband said he'd act as witness.
Not me personally but DH met Paul Daniels years ago and he was really rude. Paul Daniels had been drinking, was absolutely plastered and wanted to get into his car. DH who was working as security at the venue tried to stop him, they had a bit of an argument then he got into his car and drove off, so DH reported him to the police and they caught him.
Jim Davidson - pissed up, obnoxious twat with octopus hands. Leered at 14 year old girl and knew she was 14.
a friend of my DH worked in a dublin bar owned by a world famous irish rock star philanthropist, who allegedly used to procure lots of 'favours' from the females at the club.
And the "you don't say???":
Jimmy Saville is a right dirty perv.
Jimmy Savile, We met him in the 70s at a promo thing and he groped my mum - seriously groped her [yuk]
As it's now been proven that Jimmy Savile groped EVERYBODY ALIVE during the 1970s, this is hardly a revelation.

Some quite bizarre ones too that I'd love more information on:
Roger De Courcey - He was useless and rude at a cabaret night which ended with Nookie Bear stuffed head first down a toilet.
chris eubank - ironed his own trousers in our boardroom in his pants ordered 12 pairs of shoes then never came back to pay for them.
At a Midsummer Tube in 1986 in the Green Room, sharing a table were Stephen Fry, Ian Botham, and Gary Glitter. Happy to say I spilt my (and a few others) drinks over both Glitter and Fry.
And finally, this one, because frankly if Shirley Bassey didn't behave like this I for one would be very disappointed:
I saw Shirley Bassey in the toilets at Wimbledon one year. She walked in the exit door, straight to the front of a very large queue and walked into the first available loo. A very commonly spoken girl shouted out 'oi lady muck - there's a f...king queue for everyone, including you' but Shirley just stuck her nose in the air and walked into the cubicle.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Gavin Chipper » Tue Jan 19, 2016 4:04 pm

Who's DH?

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by JimBentley » Tue Jan 19, 2016 4:15 pm

Gavin Chipper wrote:Who's DH?
Oh, it's off Mumsnet. DH = Darling Husband. They have a whole fucking glossary of it somewhere.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Jon O'Neill » Tue Jan 19, 2016 4:31 pm

Always skeptical of these, especially second-hand (-job) accounts. I reckon if people looked at me with anything like the attention as they looked at the people defamed above, they'd come to the correct conclusion that I'm a depraved sexual deviant pervert psychopath monster.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by JimBentley » Tue Jan 19, 2016 4:47 pm

Jon O'Neill wrote:Always skeptical of these, especially second-hand (-job) accounts. I reckon if people looked at me with anything like the attention as they looked at the people defamed above, they'd come to the correct conclusion that I'm a depraved sexual deviant pervert psychopath monster.
That's the thing really. I'd hate to be "known" and have people watching me. Also, it's worth mentioning that for every "omigod X is a cunt" there's a "I met X last night and he/she was lovely" and so on. Except when it comes to Cilla Black and Paul Daniels, apparently.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Matt Morrison » Tue Jan 19, 2016 4:54 pm

The Eubank story was an A-lol for me.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Matt Morrison » Tue Jan 19, 2016 4:55 pm

By the way, did you actually go through all 32 pages Jim? If so there is truly nothing you wouldn't do for this community. Let's knight you.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by JimBentley » Tue Jan 19, 2016 5:10 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:By the way, did you actually go through all 32 pages Jim? If so there is truly nothing you wouldn't do for this community. Let's knight you.
No, no, I only skimmed it! I'm sure there's plenty more gold in there if you can be bothered to read it all.

Edited to say, just found this gem:
Richard Whitley came to my mum and dads golden wedding street party and was great fun. Although he did talk to my norks instead of my face. In his defence he was VERY VERY drunk.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by JimBentley » Tue Jan 19, 2016 7:00 pm

Some nice ones too - Tom Baker comes across exactly as expected:
Tom Baker is seen regularly in the local supermarket by a relative - often wearing a kaftan - a real entertainer and nice chap too.
Tom Baker does irascible v well, but sends the children on the platform Kent train station into paroxysms of delight with his 'performances' especially when he suddenly booms with laughter. Complete luvvy showman.
I walked past Tom Baker in Rye with my teeny son in a pushchair a few years ago, and he stepped into the street to let me pass and gave my son what looked like a genuinely warm smile and said 'hello' to me. i was surprised at how much like tom baker he sounded. i'd always thought it was a bit of a stage voice.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Jennifer Steadman » Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:38 pm

Excellent. Very pleased to see that Jarvis Cocker gets lots of plaudits throughout.

I'm particularly enjoying the posts where celebrities are dicks to children:
Harry H Corbett who was the the original Sooty and Sweep man told my little brother and I to fuck off. We did not know what he meant as we were six and four at the time.
Richard Branson's parents live near my mum, and they love themselves, but Branson stepped on my 2 year old nieces toe when we were in the village, and then when she started crying looked really pissed off and snapped, 'well she shouldn't have been in my way' and stropped off.
Enjoyed the Westlife ones too:
I sat in the next booth in a swanky bar to Some of Westlife (I didn't know who was who then) and my mate pointed them out. I went to ask them for an autograph for my daughter (who would prob not be arsed to be honest). The one who does most of the singing (Shane Filan, since I googled) asked me "Is that an engagement ring?", and I said "No, it's just a ring", and then he said "Well bend over then and show us your other one"
The gay one from Westlife. I met the band through work and they were all so lovely, polite, charming...except him. He has a big camp chip on his big gay shoulder.
Are we going to do our own version?
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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Steven M. McCann » Wed Jan 20, 2016 12:18 am

I was a little annoyed to find Jay Kay from Jamiroquai was maybe not the massive bellend I'd always assumed he was!
It's surprising how many of the more obnoxious ones have ended up in Dictionary Corner!
Who was the defeated Countdown player in 2003 consoled by Richard and Carol on page 26?
Anyone wanting to feast on more of this sort of stuff should google AGC MAIN PAGE BLIND ITEMS.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Marc Meakin » Wed Jan 20, 2016 10:17 am

Alan Rickman was a gent I spoke with him a few years ago when he directed my nephew (Danny Dyer) in a play at the Almeida
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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Matt Morrison » Wed Jan 20, 2016 12:21 pm

Forgot what thread this was and read that as actual factual Meakin info.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Gavin Chipper » Wed Jan 20, 2016 12:28 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:Forgot what thread this was and read that as actual factual Meakin info.
More like forgot what universe it was.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Ian Volante » Wed Jan 20, 2016 2:37 pm

Bill Bailey was unnecessarily grumpy at my friend in Edinburgh when she slightly bumped into him in a bar. Not sure if he was playing up to luvvie friends or is just a dick.
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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Jon O'Neill » Wed Jan 20, 2016 2:39 pm

Gavin Chipper wrote:
Matt Morrison wrote:Forgot what thread this was and read that as actual factual Meakin info.
More like forgot what universe it was.
It is true though.. isn't it?

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by JimBentley » Wed Jan 20, 2016 3:50 pm

Steven M. McCann wrote:Anyone wanting to feast on more of this sort of stuff should google AGC MAIN PAGE BLIND ITEMS.
Bastard! I'd managed to forget about that site. It should come with some sort of health warning, trust me. A couple of hours on there and you can end up believing that absolutely everyone that has ever been in a film or on TV or made a record is (a) gay (if their image is straight), (b) straight (if their image is gay), (c) always drunk, (d) a hopeless drug addict, (e) racist, (f) sex-obsessed, (g) wildly sadistic, (h) a murderer, etc. etc. Or some combination of those. Or has some weird perversion that not even I could make up, no matter how many drugs I took.

It is fun, though.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Gavin Chipper » Wed Jan 20, 2016 4:39 pm

Jon O'Neill wrote:
Gavin Chipper wrote:
Matt Morrison wrote:Forgot what thread this was and read that as actual factual Meakin info.
More like forgot what universe it was.
It is true though.. isn't it?
Yeah. Danny Dyer is Meakin's nephew.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Jon O'Neill » Wed Jan 20, 2016 4:51 pm

Gavin Chipper wrote:
Jon O'Neill wrote:
Gavin Chipper wrote:More like forgot what universe it was.
It is true though.. isn't it?
Yeah. Danny Dyer is Meakin's nephew.
Yes.. I think so. Meakin, could you confirm?

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by JimBentley » Wed Jan 20, 2016 4:53 pm

Gavin Chipper wrote:
Jon O'Neill wrote:It is true though.. isn't it?
Yeah. Danny Dyer is Meakin's nephew.
Hey, you never know. All sorts of people are related to all sorts of people through marriage. So, how is Danny these days, Marc? Any exciting projects in the pipeline?

Edited to say: Who can forget this classic of film? My favourite bit:
The film will have a chance to reach a wider audience as it plays on a further 65 cinemas.
I wonder how that went?

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Gavin Chipper » Wed Jan 20, 2016 4:56 pm

Jon O'Neill wrote:Yes.. I think so. Meakin, could you confirm?
It is ringing a bell now actually. But you might be a trainee Derren Brown implanting the memory.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Fred Mumford » Sat Jan 23, 2016 9:01 am

Jennifer Steadman wrote:
Harry H Corbett who was the the original Sooty and Sweep man told my little brother and I to fuck off. We did not know what he meant as we were six and four at the time.
I'm quite intrigued to know which Harry Corbett did this - Harry H Corbett of Steptoe & Son or Harry "No H" Corbett of shoving his hand up small animals. Both seem equally likely.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by JimBentley » Sat Jan 23, 2016 4:49 pm

Fred Mumford wrote:
Jennifer Steadman wrote:
Harry H Corbett who was the the original Sooty and Sweep man told my little brother and I to fuck off. We did not know what he meant as we were six and four at the time.
I'm quite intrigued to know which Harry Corbett did this - Harry H Corbett of Steptoe & Son or Harry "No H" Corbett of shoving his hand up small animals. Both seem equally likely.
This confused me at first, but I'm pretty sure they must've meant Harry "No H" Corbett, given the Sooty & Sweep reference.

Harry H. Corbett of Steptoe & Son - as far as I know - was innocent of any indecent acts (although possibly just living through the 1960s and 1970s was an indecent act, I'm confused these days), unlike his co-star Wilfred Brambell who was notorious for cottaging and latterly exposed (following Jimmy Savile's death) of being a notorious paedophile.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Steven M. McCann » Sat Jan 23, 2016 6:11 pm

Harry H Corbett died in 1982 and Harry "Sooty" Corbett died in 1989, so I think they are both in the clear, unless Jennifer is a good deal older than she looks!

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Steven M. McCann » Sat Jan 23, 2016 6:27 pm

Matthew Corbett (Harry's son) worked with Sooty between 1976-1998 so it could have been him who was less than polite to Jennifer and her brother, Richard Cadell who has been Sooty's partner since 1998 is another possible suspect!

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Fred Mumford » Sat Jan 23, 2016 6:48 pm

I think Jennifer was simply quoting from the website. I doubt any celebrity insulted her after they had died. She may not even have a brother.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Jennifer Steadman » Sat Jan 23, 2016 7:24 pm

Fred Mumford wrote:I think Jennifer was simply quoting from the website. I doubt any celebrity insulted her after they had died. She may not even have a brother.
I do, but yes, I was quoting from the website. No celebrity has told me to fuck off (yet).
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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Marc Meakin » Sat Jan 23, 2016 7:39 pm

Yes He is my sisters eldest son.
You only need to check Google/Wikipedia or whatever to see what his mum's maiden name.
They only 'interesting ' project this year is to get married.....oh and he will be on the next season of Who Do You think you are spoiler alert









He is a distant relative of







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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Marc Meakin » Sat Jan 23, 2016 7:42 pm

Oh and Jennifer, I can have a word with Danny if you want to breaks your F.O. duck :) :) :) :) :) :)
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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Jennifer Steadman » Sat Jan 23, 2016 8:18 pm

Marc Meakin wrote:Oh and Jennifer, I can have a word with Danny if you want to breaks your F.O. duck :) :) :) :) :) :)
Danny Dyer is my all-time hero and I would be in raptures if he told me to fuck off. Please arrange this.
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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Marc Meakin » Sat Jan 23, 2016 10:37 pm

Well I don't get to see him ( in the flesh ) that often but in the meantime he is very accommodating on twitter
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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Jon O'Neill » Sun Jan 24, 2016 1:59 am

Marc Meakin wrote:Yes He is my sisters eldest son.
My mum was mates with your sister. Small world.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Peter Clarke » Sun Jan 24, 2016 11:23 am

Love Danny Dyer!

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Matt Bayfield » Sun Jan 24, 2016 2:04 pm

You only need to check Google/Wikipedia or whatever to see what his mum's maiden name.
I hope Dyer's changed his security question on his bank account.

I wonder if we could extend this thread to wrongs which we have done to celebrities. I'll open the bidding by admitting that I once stomped on the foot of a popular Dutch tv presenter of the time (Tatum Dagelet, if anyone cares). It was, admittedly, accidental, as I enjoyed her tv shows.

[Edit: Another act of wrongdoing to a "celeb": One of my mates, whilst working on the door of a private event, denied entry to the outrageously-dressed dancer from the Urban Cookie Collective. Blushes were only spared when my mate was informed that Urban Cookie Collective had been booked to perform at this event.]
Last edited by Matt Bayfield on Sun Jan 24, 2016 6:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Mark Deeks » Sun Jan 24, 2016 3:00 pm

I stood on Susan Calman's foot. She was OK with it, which is pretty heroic of her because considering our respective sizes it must have really hurt.
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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Mark Deeks » Sun Jan 24, 2016 3:02 pm

I also once fell over a step that wasn't there and spilled Coke into the lap of Allan Houston, who is really famous if you are American. He smiled sweetly, said it was OK, then left to change his trousers and did not return. Good job, me.
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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Matt Morrison » Sun Jan 24, 2016 6:44 pm

Jon O'Neill wrote:
Marc Meakin wrote:Yes He is my sisters eldest son.
My mum was mates with your sister. Small world.
was?

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Jon O'Neill » Sun Jan 24, 2016 9:36 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:
Jon O'Neill wrote:
Marc Meakin wrote:Yes He is my sisters eldest son.
My mum was mates with your sister. Small world.
was?
were?

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Matt Morrison » Sun Jan 24, 2016 9:48 pm

Weremum.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Marc Meakin » Mon Jan 25, 2016 3:30 am

Were they school pals then?
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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Ian Volante » Mon Jan 25, 2016 7:24 pm

Marc Meakin wrote:Were they school pals then?
Was?
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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Gavin Chipper » Mon Jan 25, 2016 7:27 pm

Wasmum.

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Re: Celebrity fun

Post by Marc Meakin » Mon Jan 25, 2016 8:21 pm

Grammar, shmammer
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